TV

Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (July 20, 2007)

ADVANCED WEAPONS OF MASS SEDUCTION? The USA channel announced that they’ve just picked up a new action comedy, To Love and Die, starring Shiri Appleby (Roswell) as Hildy, a young woman who tracks down the father she never knew, James White (played by Tim Matheson), only to discover that he’s a contract killer. One of White’s associates, Eddie (Christine Adams), is a “bisexual technical genius whose skill in creating advanced weapons and high-tech gadgets often comes in handy when planning and executing her boss’s latest hit.”

Adams’ past credits include the films Batman Begins (2005) and Eye of the Dolphin (2005), and the BBC series Home Again. Here’s a look at her: AfterEllen.com spoke to executive producer Andrew Singer, who told us that while the character of Eddie does not have a love interest in the pilot episode, this doesn’t mean that she won’t have one in subsequent episodes. In fact, Singer said, it’s definitely possible that she’ll eventually have a relationship with a woman. He added that the character of Eddie doesn’t necessarily identify as bisexual so much as she doesn’t want to “limit her possibilities.”

In other words, she could tell us that she’s bisexual, but the she’d have to kill us.

USA begins shooting the series in September, and it is scheduled to air in 2008 with 12 episodes.

CAN SHE GET THAT BOTTLE OF RUM TO GO? Last night, out lesbian contestant Elicia “Jupiter” Mendoza was the eighth buccaneer-in-training to be voted off the CBS reality show Pirate Master. Mendoza, a bartender from Los Angeles, had been functioning as the chef for her crew, but in her final episode, what she cooked was her own goose.

When her perpetually disgruntled crew harped about their leaders and mentioned mutiny as an option, Jupiter tried to warn the captain (Azmyth) about the dangers of alienating his fellow pirates. But her warning was taken as a threat, and Jupiter soon received one of the dreaded “black spots” that indicated she was being considered for elimination. When given the chance to defend herself, she told the crew:

Blessings captain, I didn’t realize that there were so many issues between you and I, Azmyth … I’m shocked. Which is great, it’s really, really good to know. When I said I wanted change, it’s because I do. I’m ready for change. Change is wonderful. Switch it up a little. Add a little bit of spice. But I stand by your side. I will never mutiny against you. I’m just ready for some change. I love you – all of you. I feel as though I’ve put myself out there for you guys to see who I am. But I’m ready to better myself so that I remain on the ship because I love being here.
Her mateys then switched it up by unanimously voting her out of the competition. Jupiter took the news with typical Zen-like acceptance, but said: “I am surprised that I got cut adrift. Azmyth has changed because of his position and his power. I’m shocked. I have from day one had Azmyth’s back, but you can’t always expect people to treat you the way that you treat them.”

While she wasn’t made to walk the plank, Jupiter was banished by being set adrift on a small wooden raft. She boarded it and assumed a yoga pose as she sailed into the darkness. How do you say “namasté” in pirate-ese?

DOES THIS CROWN MATCH MY THONG? The WE network, the good people that brought us Bridezillas (and Secret Lives of Women: Lipstick Lesbians), have announced the contestants for Season 2 of the reality show American Princess. This season will feature Yvonka DeRidder, identified in the show’s press release as “a bi-sexual Psychology student from Tampa, FL.” Never heard of the show? It’s catchphrase is “Some are born into it, a few marry into it, but others have to earn it.” No, they’re not talking about lesbianism. They’re talking about being a “lady.” Or, more specifically, a “proper lady.” Or even more specifically, a “proper rich lady.”

Hosted by actress and “Yugoslavian royal” Catherine Oxenberg, the show will feature 12 American “diamonds in the rough” who will be shipped off to England for an intensive princess bootcamp. There they will receiving training “in all things royal by top experts in etiquette, grooming, presentation and aristocratic style.”

Each week, the contestants will be put through a “rigorous, old-fashioned curriculum” where they will be taught “the noble disciplines” including posture, speech, dance, cooking, dining etiquette and – the noblest of all disciplines – media training. The contestants will then be put through the royal wringer with challenges that include ballet lessons at the Royal Opera House, eating “difficult-to-eat” foods, and “discovering how to entertain a room filled with blue-blooded aristocrats before sitting down to a formal dinner where their every move will be scrutinized.” Sheesh! I’m exhausted just mocking it!

The winner of American Princess receives a British title (my guess is that it’s not “gov’nor”), $50,000 in cash and a dance with “their very own Prince Charming.” Of the 12 contestants, the press release for the show promises, “one lucky winner will live happily ever after.”

How will DeRidder fare? It’s hard to tell. I’m not sure what might be more helpful, her psychology background or her experience as a Maxim model. Oh, did I forget to mention that part? Here’s a picture of her from the pages of Maxim, where she was listed as one of the “Hometown Hotties” of 2006: According to her Maxim bio, Yvonka is 5’7″, a model, and a fan of the Saw movies and actress Rachel McAdams. In the same bio, Yvonka gushes, “I’m absolutely fascinated by the female body!”

All of this makes me wonder just how many out lesbian and bi Maxim models are out there? Is Yvonka the mysterious Maxim model who’s looking for a girlfriend in the reality lesbian dating show that recently announced a casting call? Can there be more than one out Maxim model? Please?

American Princess premieres Sunday, Aug. 19, at 10 p.m. ET on WE.

LESBIAN POWERS, ACTIVATE! Thank God for reality television. Without it, the only lesbians we’d be seeing on the tube this summer would be female koalas on Animal Planet.

As we’ve previously mentioned, the Sci Fi channel’s Who Wants To Be a Superhero will feature the character Whip-Snap!, who will be played by out lesbian Paula Thomas, a security officer from Dallas, Texas. According to Sci Fi, Whip-Snap! gets her “unique powers” from her whip and has a “special relationship with Mother Earth.” Whip-Snap! can turn turn her enemies into sand and “was a loner and grew up on the streets and got wise by observing others.” Whip-Snap! even has her own catchphrase, “I’ll whip you into unconsciousness and snap you back to reality,” which seems like it would take longer to yell at someone than to just go ahead and whack them with the whip already.

Whip-Snap! is vulnerable to cold (which, for her, is anything under 65 degrees), which decreases her powers by 50 percent. Additionally, she is “incapable of becoming physically close to other individuals, is susceptible to all health ailments and is asthmatic.”

The Whip-Snap! action figure will come equipped with a bullet-proof, fleece-lined parka, an inhaler and a sidekick/therapist who specializes in intimacy issues.

Who Wants To Be a Superhero premieres July 26 at 9 p.m. ET on Sci Fi.

THEY’RE NOT GAY, THEY’RE JUST DRAWN THAT WAY This summer there’ll be a strong LGBT presence this year at Comic-Con International 2007 in San Diego. For those of you without a 12-sided die, a plastic-wrapped Issue No. 8 of All Star Comics or a Millennium Falcon Christmas tree ornament (still in its original packaging), Comic-Con is an annual fan convention devoted to comic books, science fiction, fantasy, toys, video games and oh so much more, and it takes place next week from July 25—29.

Over the last 20 years, Comic-Con International has becoming increasingly gay-inclusive, thanks largely to the presence of Prism Comics, a nonprofit organization that supports lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender comics, creators and readers. The conference this year will include the panel “LGBT New Creators,” featuring moderator Terrance Griep (writer of Scooby Doo and Judo Girl, and openly gay pro wrestler “SpiderBaby”), Jennie Breeden (The Devil’s Panties), Steve MacIsaac (Shirtlifter, winner of Prism’s first annual Press Grant), Lynx Delirium (The Goth Queen Needs a Mate), Sean McGrath (Frater Mine) and Tommy Roddy (Pride High).

Alison Bechdel (Dykes to Watch Out For, Fun Home), pictured below, will be signing books at the Prism booth at Comic-Con and is the subject of a special panel devoted to a discussion of her work. Also in attendance at Comic-Con will be Megan Gedris, winner of Prism’s 2006 Queer Press Grant, who will be signing her debut graphic novel, YU+ME, and Paige Braddock (Jane’s World) and Colleen Coover (Small Favors). It remains to be seen if DC Comics lesbian superhero Batwoman will be prominently featured at Comic-Con 2007, though last year – right on the heels of her print debut – Batwoman fanfare was conspicuously absent. There’s no word on whether Who Wants To Be a Superhero‘s Whip-Snap! will be in attendance.

Hmm, is Comic-Con a fragrance-free zone?

SHE MAY BE RICH AND FAMOUS, BUT SHE’S STILL NOT STEPHEN COLBERT’S FAVORITE LESBIAN As scribegrrrl mentioned yesterday on the blog, nominations for the 2007 Emmy Awards have been announced, and they include a nod to Ellen DeGeneres for Outstanding Individual Performance in a Variety or Music Program (for the 79th Annual Academy Awards). In addition to being hilarious, DeGeneres made history as the first openly gay or lesbian person to have hosted the Academy Awards.

DeGeneres has already taken home a lot of gold this year. In June, she won her fourth straight Daytime Emmy for Outstanding Talk Show and her third for Outstanding Talk Show Host for The Ellen DeGeneres Show.

In terms of her latest nomination, DeGeneres has some serious competition. Her fellow nominees for Outstanding Individual Performance are:

Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Comedy Central Jon Stewart, The Daily Show With Jon Stewart, Comedy Central David Letterman, Late Show With David Letterman, CBS Tony Bennett, Tony Bennett: An American Classic (2005), NBC
Of course we’re pulling for Ellen.

ROSIE O’DONNELL PLAYS BALL … MAYBE It seems that everyone wants a piece of former View host Rosie O’Donnell these days. O’Donnell will soon be reprising her role as Dawn Budge (a popular character for whom there has been talk of a spinoff series) on FX’s Nip/Tuck, and now the producers of the critically acclaimed Friday Night Lights are hoping to convince her to make a guest appearance on the show. Executive producer Jason Katims told TVGuide.com, “Usually we don’t do any stunt casting, but we have a character coming up — six or seven episodes into the new season — of a female soccer coach who is really angry about all of the school’s resources going to football. It’s a really funny character and I think she’d be perfect for it.”

Of the FNL guest star possibility, O’Donnell’s reps say: “No definitive plans. They are in talks and she loves the show.” But on O’Donnell’s blog, a fan asked, “Are you going to be a guest on Friday Night Lights?” to which O’Donnell replied, “if they ask me/yes.”

An out lesbian playing a gym teacher? America will never buy it! Though it may elevate the concept of method acting to new heights.

In less believable Rosie casting news, NBC co-chairman Ben Silverman and co-Chairman Marc Graboff announced at a press conference earlier this week that they want O’Donnell as a contestant on the celebrity version of The Apprentice. The Donald reportedly told Silverman to invite her, and when questioned about the possibility of really making it happen, the co-chairs had this to say:

Ben Silverman: I don’t have any ability to deliver on that within what we’re doing.

Marc Graboff: We’ve had conversations with Rosie O’Donnell as a company … and I think there is a way that we would like to be in business with Rosie. For Ben and my purposes, we would love to see her on The Apprentice. I think they’re talking about any number of things with her, from cable to first-run daytime, to we’re talking about maybe being in business with her on some prime-time ideas … it’s a very general discussion.

All of which is probably just executive-speak for, “it depends on how much she’s asking for.”

SARAH SHAHI THANKS LESBIANS FOR THE RIDE At the recent Television Critics Association conference in Los Angeles, our own Malinda Lo had a brief chat with former L Word (and AfterEllen.com Hot 100 List) hottie Sarah Shahi. While Shahi was there promoting her new show, Life, Malinda was able to ask a couple of lesbian-centric questions that referred back to her role as Carmen de la Pica Morales on The L Word.

Malinda asked Shahi if she knew that she was No. 5 on the AfterEllen.com Hot 100 list, to which she replied, “I did not know that.” When asked if there’s anything she wanted to say to her lesbian fans, Shahi told her, “I thank them for staying so loyal to me and for coming with me on the ride of The L Word, and I hope they continue on with me.” I think I can safely speak for all of us when I say, “Oh don’t you worry, we will.”

You can get your Sarah Shahi fix this fall on her NBC new cop drama (the aforementioned Life), in which she plays Detective Dani Reese. While Carmen de la Pica Morales with a gun could have been a little scary (remember the damage she did with a mere fire extinguisher?), I’m looking forward to seeing Shahi packing some (additional) heat.

SOUTH OF NOWHERE SEASON 3: SPASHLEY SPARMEN? The latest promo for the upcoming season of South of Nowhere is one of the most lesboriffic I’ve ever seen for the show. Not only do we see a brief rehash of the high drama that was the Spencer/Ashley romance in Season 2, but we also get a glimpse of a new love interest for Spencer. While Ashley is embroiled in some lame do-over affair with Aiden, Spencer looks to be getting cozy with a brand new cutie.

Rumor has it that the new girl is named Carmen, and that she will help take Spencer’s mind off that little heartbreaker Ashley Davies. If we’re lucky, she’ll also take our minds off of the lesbian PDA-lessness of Season 2.

And what is with TV lesbians named Carmen? Should I be flattered?

Uh, no, probably not.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! Out lesbian contestant Sabrina Matthews was voted off the NBC comedy competition Last Comic Standing in the first round of the semifinals. Last season, out lesbian contestant Michele Balan made it to the final four before getting the boot.

If you missed the True Colors Tour this summer, you will soon be able to get a taste of that musical buffet in the form of a soundtrack. The CD will feature songs by Cyndi Lauper, The Cliks, Indigo Girls, The Gossip, The Dresden Dolls, Debbie Harry and other artists who joined the tour. One dollar from the profit of each CD sold or downloaded is being donated to the Human Rights Campaign. Two songs on the soundtrack, Cyndi Lauper’s “True Colors (Morel’s Pink Noise Mix)” and Erasure‘s “Early Bird (DJ Manolo’s True Colors Mix)” featuring Cyndi Lauper were recorded and remixed specifically for inclusion on the CD as a special (not to mention collectible) treat for buyers. The CD will be available on Aug. 7.

Out lesbian actor Felicia “Snoop” Pearson, who plays a lesbian drug dealer on HBO’s acclaimed series The Wire, will be publishing her memoir this November. Grace After Midnight will chronicle Pearson’s harrowing childhood, her stint in prison for second-degree murder, and her eventual rise to fame via The Wire.

Season 4 of The L Word is now available for download on iTunes. Nifty lesbian factoid: Season 4 is already ranked No. 10 on iTunes’ list of top downloads for TV seasons. Get it here.

That’s it for this week! Check back next Friday for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.

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