“The Fosters” recap (1.8): Kiss her goodbye


Previously on The Fosters, Brandon helped Callie save her brother, Judicorn (hat tip to AE user cyclone for the excellent word), from a gun toting madman and got grounded for a week for his trouble.  Jesus had the sex with Lexi without using any of the condoms Stef and Lena use to decorate their home, got caught getting a lady to buy the morning after pill for him, and got nothing more than a “we’re very disappointed in you, mister.”  Mariana got blind drunk, tattled on Jesus and Lexi’s sexy times, and got a pass to Six Flags.  Liam showed up and menaced Callie like a Rosewood police officer, Wyatt took a swing at Liam, and Brandon did some Ezria role playing with Callie and listened like a champ to her tale of Liam her rapist, foster brother.  Meanwhile, Lexi ran away to the dining room with a box of prunes and five chocolate sandwich cookies.

We begin in the kitchen where everyone but Jude is having dinner.  Jude is in “out of town” for the week recharging his unicorn powers.  Stef tells Callie in her sensitive mom voice that she talked to someone and Sarah is out of Liam’s house and that she has a friend in the DA’s office who she’s going to talk to on Callie’s behalf.  Brandon’s listening to his Casio at the dinner table, Jesus is murdering his seven cheese mac and cheese with ketchup, and Mariana is texting with Lexi.  Mariana is thrilled that lexi will be back at school and Lena is unhappy that the twins are so stoked that Lexi blackmailed her parents into letting her go back instead of sending her to a girls’ school in Texas.  Stef considers the idea of a girls’ school and files it away for a little role playing with Lena. Stef and Lena are chit chatting about their plans to go out with Lena’s ex Gretchen.  Jesus asks if Gretchen is hot, because he’s fifteen, a little skeevy, and hasn’t had his lesbian fantasy ruined by his moms.  Lena says yes, of course she’s hot, do I look like a lady who settles for anything less?

lena pretty

But she is quick to point out Gretchen’s got nothing on Stef.  The phone rings and everyone is shocked that they have a land line.  It’s Ana, the con artist bio mom, and she wants money from Mariana because she just can’t wear maxi pad flip-flops anymore.

Brandon is playing piano and both his teacher and I are falling asleep.  Turns out there’s nothing wrong with Brandon’s technical ability, he just doesn’t have any feeling behind it.  He says something stupid about not having anything to be sad about and essentially waves a bucket of chum in front of the fates. Dumbass!

teacher“This storyline is putting me to sleep too Mr. Feeney.”

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