Flu is raging through the prison and everyone is lined up for meds. O’Neill asks people not to sneeze on him. Crazy Eyes tells O’Neill she has mad control over her epiglottis. Diaz runs out of line to vomit. Oh, Diaz, that nausea had better be due to the flu.
Chapman is working on a craft project. Something with a pen and maxi pads. And hair bands… It’s a cold mask for Miss Claudette! Claudette complains that she looks like Michael Jackson and Chapman begs to differ, then busts out some wicked dance moves.
Healy greets Chapman with “Well, if it isn’t Lichfield’s biggest celebrity!” Looks like Larry published that article. I thought there would be an issue over Chapman’s “time to process,” but I guess she’s had that. Chapman is happy that he’s in the New York Times. Healy, however, is evidently not thrilled about the article: He dumps it in the trash and pours coffee on it so Chapman can’t read it.
A very pregnant Maria does not need cold medicine. She’s a little more focused on being in labor right now.
Norma touches up Red’s color. Mustache slimes in and mentions that Tricia is in withdrawal since his supply has been running low. Mendez tells Red to walk her through it quietly for everyone’s good. Red is furious that Mendez has been keeping Tricia hooked.
Red’s husband and his legitimate businessman associates are discussing hiding income. Red serves coffee and suggests that they get into something more steady than the restaurant business, like military or government contracts. Most of the men—including her husband—make a little fun as she walks away, but the big boss knows she’s onto something.
Larry buys a bunch of copies of the paper and impresses the newsstand guys by being in it. Chapman calls Larry as he gets home and wants to hear his big article. She also asks him to Google labor symptoms for Maria; if she guesses closest to the birth time, Chapman wins a Twix. Chapman gets bummed out that she can’t be at Larry’s celebration for his big column with all their friends, especially since all she has to look forward to is some caramel. Chapman sucks it up and wishes Larry well and says he deserves it. But she could maybe work on faking a brighter tone of voice when she does that. Larry reads her the article.
Maria and friends walk around, trying to get her to go into full labor. One suggests eating pineapple and brings her the closest thing they can get, a pineapple soda. Another says she should play with her nipples to get things going. Maria hates everything in the world.
Nichols (Hi, Nichols!) and Chapman are the only people there. Nichols does not believe in getting sick. Luschek gives them a book and tells them to go fix a dryer in the laundry room, apparently with elven magic, since they certainly don’t know what they’re doing.
Pousséy asks Taystee about her early release hearing. It doesn’t sound like it went too well. Pousséy says at least her hair looked good.
Chapman and Nichols arrive. Nichols porn-dialogue flirts with Alex. It almost works until Nichols gets too hetero with it. Chapman is deeply uncomfortable. Alex lets them know that the dryer they need to fix is named Myra, and then Silent Norma “calls” Nichols over by tossing little nuts at her. Nichols goes to help and Alex admires how Chapman looks in her tool belt. Chapman still has no idea how to fix the dryer.
Red is pissed that Tricia screwed up (again) and wants to send her down the hill to where the hard-time prisoners are. Nichols says Tricia is done if she goes down there and they both know it. Nichols pleads for another chance for Tricia, says that it’s just chemical, and drugs have a way of making you do things you don’t want to do. Red replies “So do I.”