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“Mistresses” recap (1.07): Dancing Shoes

Previously on Mistresses, Karen signed up to get herself axe-murdered, April agreed to sell 20% of her store to get the Mistress Bitch off her back, Dom found out that Savi was pregnant, Savi dissed Joss in a sister fight for the ages, and Olivier was a real pain in Joss’s derrière.

Joss strolls into April’s house while she is sniffing some of her husband’s old clothes. Joss has decided to leave Savi’s guest house to crash with April for a while, which means April will have to get rid of some of Paul’s old things-finally. April looks asks Joss if she wants to talk. Joss starts joking about April’s sex life, but April quickly clarifies that she was referring to the Davis Sister Showdown. April says she’s known both sisters since they were kids, so she can be an emotional Switzerland in the matter, but Joss just waves it off as nothing and scoots off to work.

In a bit of a change of pace, this week’s meeting of the Terrible Decision Makers club is not happening over breakfast, but on a hiking trail. There, Savi and Karen discuss their woes: Harry isn’t sleeping at the restaurant anymore, but he’s still sleeping on the couch. Savi fears a divorce is in the cards, but she’s (finally) sick of talking about it. Karen takes this reprieve to admit that she may or may not have a creepy teenage stalker.

In Joss’s office building, Alex hops into the elevator, two coffees in hand. Olivier is already in there and chats her up about her bracelets. They bond over their love of India and Olivier pleasantly bids her adieu as she breaks off to bring Joss the coffee she bought her (!). Joss watches Olivier happily jaunt off with the best WTF Face in the history of WTF Faces.

She turns back to Alex and asks how exactly she got “le douche” to smile in 30 seconds, when she has been trying everything she could think of for weeks without so much as a “good job.” Alex isn’t sure what all the fuss is about, he seemed perfectly nice to her, and Joss, frustrated, pounds back her latte like it’s a shot of tequila.

Harry and Savi finally meet face to face in their house and somewhere in their conversation, Harry says “we’ll figure it out” which Savi grabs onto like a life raft. She asks if it means there’s still a “we” to speak of, and while he’s not exactly wagging his tail about it, he says yes.

At a nearby electronic store, Karen is getting the Stalker Protection Special when she runs into Detective Dude. He tells her that he’s no longer part of her ex-lover’s investigation, therefore he’s totally allowed to ask her personal details about it. She spews out some nonsense and he smiles at her and calls her moral and beautiful-all based on her WEB OF LIES.

Meanwhile, Joss’s Legs are at Joss’s desk-oh, and Joss is there, too. She’s listening to a message Savi left, asking her to meet up so they can talk, but Joss doesn’t even listen to it all the way through before deleting the message. Olivier calls her into his office and asks a few questions about Alex. Still on the defensive around him, and not realizing his intentions, Joss says Alex is a former client who is no longer with the buyer, accidentally making her out to be available (which technically she is, but for Joss, not Olivier).

Savi hunts Dom down in their office, and while keeping her distance, tells him that she is not quitting after all, and that they should probably work on separate cases from now on, just in case. Also he should probably stay at least two arms’ lengths away. And maybe they should always have a babysitter with them. And chastity belts. He laughs at her tells her it’s a race for partner and he intends to win.

Speaking of partners, there is a retirement party for the one whose job they’re already vying for tonight and Savi totally forgot. She rushes home to tell Harry that she needs to make an appearance and he offers to go with her. She agrees, glad he wants to be part of her life, but she does so with the least subtle look of panic on her face at the thought of her husband and her lover being in the same room.

Over in her gigantic house, in a living room that is larger than my two-bedroom New York apartment, Karen is wallowing around in the dark, drinking red wine and listening to her messages. She has three, and all of them are just breathing noises. Most people who have seen horror movies would have gotten the hell out of dodge, but Karen decides instead to just move to another dark room in the house and watch some television. She obviously was not watching Pretty Little Liars, because when she heard a suspicious noise-despite all the evidence that she has an actual, physical, psycho-stalker-she ignores it. That is, until the noises get louder. Then she grabs a golf clu-oh, no wait, she grabs an iPad. She checks her fancy new security cameras to see that one has been dismantled, so she makes a good decision for once in her life and calls Detective Dude. Good job, Karen.

Joss and Joss’s Legs go to Alex’s yoga studio to invite her out for a drink- because she needs booze and she needs it now. Alex has another class to teach, though, and despite Joss asking her to blow it off, Alex asks if she can meet her later instead. Joss tries once again to figure out what kind of spell Alex cast over Olivier, as though she hadn’t fallen under the same exact one, and Alex points out that she’s kind of obsessive when it comes to her boss. Alex tells her that a little yoga might do her good, Joss proves that she’s not in her right mind by saying no to an hour of watching Alex bend and stretch and storms out, saying they’ll meet up later.

That night, April and Hot Dad finally go on a real date in a real restaurant. Hot Dad wants to take things to the next level-tell the kids, go on a vacation, the whole shabang. He can see this makes her nervous, so he tells her to take a few days to think about it, no pressure. It’s all sweet and mature and perfect so you know something is going to go terribly wrong. And of course, it does. As they’re about to leave the restaurant, April sees her dead husband standing across the street, looking a lot less dead than expected.

Joss is at April’s, out of her work clothes and into something she got from the costume department of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. April is hysterical, rambling about seeing her dead husband while she was on her date with Hot Dad. After determining April wasn’t tripping on acid, Joss sits her down for some real talk. Hot Dad had just been asking to make things more serious, more committed, and it’s April’s first real relationship since Paul died. Of course she was going to have anxiety about it. Her anxiety is just in the form of seeing Paul’s ghost. Joss assures her that it’s perfectly normal and she shouldn’t worry about it. At Savi’s work event, she goes to chat up the big bosses while Harry grabs a drink. While at the bar, Dom sidles up to the Aussie and plays it totally cool. She flashes his most charming smile and congratulates him on the baby. Harry quickly puts the pieces together and before you know it, his fist is flying through the air. Savi comes out of the office to see what the commotion was to find a bleeding Dom, who feels more than just physically hurt.

Joss and Alex go to the Bronze and Joss is drinking at about three times the rate of her ladyfriend. Some guys are not-so-smoothly checking out the girls and Joss says it’s really too bad Alex isn’t into guys they seem to be into her. Instead of taking it in stride and saying, “I’m cured! I want the boys!” and/or singing Joss a song, Alex just looks a little uncomfortable. Used to the rapt attention of men, Joss does what she does best and turns up the sexy.

She starts dancing all up on Alex, but Alex got “dancing with girls for boys’ entertainment” out of her system a long time ago and shakes Joss off. Joss starts to panic because this is now the second person this week who isn’t reacting to her go-to moves. She projects her sister’s judgement onto Alex and Alex gets fed up, tosses cab money down for Joss, and storms out.

Detective Dude goes to Karen’s to help fix the camera, and she offers to repay him, using wine as the currency. “Thank you” wine inevitably turns into a bit of a therapy session, which inevitably turns into a date, which inevitably Karen screws up. Poor Detective Dude leaves, not knowing that she probably inadvertently just saved him from being serial killed by Sam, who is lurking outside in his car.

Joss uses the cab money Alex left her to go to Alex’s apartment and apologize for going a little loco. Alex tells Joss that she can tell something’s up and to just spill it, so Joss finally comes clean about her fight with her sister and how they haven’t talked in two days (which is an eternity in the world of the Davis Sisters) and she even moved out. Alex and her big, sympathetic eyes look at Joss and ask why she hadn’t said anything before. Joss finally lets one of her walls down and shrugs, her words saying “I didn’t want to be a drag” but really meaning, “I’m supposed to be the breezy one who makes everyone smile when they’re down, I’m not supposed to have problems of my own.”

Alex tells her that they’re friends, and that friends can share these kinds of things with each other. Joss isn’t used to having friends of her own, friends who wouldn’t automatically brush her off or side with her sister. She isn’t used to having someone who is all hers. But Alex is, you know. Hers.

April decides to take Joss’s advice and try to let Paul go, once and for all, but must have gotten some advice from Karen also, because otherwise I can’t explain why on earth she thought the right decision was to leave her engagement ring on her husband’s grave. Especially when she just had to sell part of her store! She should have just given the thing to Mistress Bitch to pawn and called it a day. The next morning at April’s, Joss is feeding her daughter cookies and coffee because that’s what good Aunties do. April tries once more to have a heart-to-heart about what’s going on between her and Savi, and Joss admits to being really hurt that she was the last to know about everything. She tells her that she doesn’t want to keep her in the middle of things, so she’s going to stay with Alex for a little while. April wonders if that’s such a good idea, but Joss assures her that they’re just friends. But there’s no way that’s staying platonic for long if she keeps running around in those shorts.

Joss heads off to work, and April calls Hot Dad to tell her she’s on board. She’s ready to move on and she wants to do it with him. April shuffles her daughter out the door and smiles contentedly at how wonderful her life is in that very moment. Sadly, a moment is all she has, because when she hears a knock and opens her front door, there, once again, stands her supposedly dead husband, but this time he says “Hello.”

What did you think of “All In”? Are you excited to see what happens once Joss and Alex are under the same roof?

Here are some of our favorite #HomoWrecker tweets from this week. I hope someday to be as funny as you guys:

               

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