Previously on Mistresses, Savi told Harry she was knocked up and that she cheated all in one breath, April did the nasty with Hot Dad, Karen made even more terrible decisions, and Joss and Alex had sex in the shower. That last part doesn’t end up being relevant in this episode, but I felt it was worth mentioning.
In this week’s first Meeting of the Worst Decision Makers (And April), Savi gives her friends a breakdown on her tell-all conversation with Harry — which was one-sided at best. She quiets down, however, when she sees her sister strutting in wearing a fierce outfit that would leave anyone speechless.
Savi hasn’t told Joss about any of her life drama yet, so April saves the day by admitting HER dirty little secret (literally dirty – I’ll never look at store display beds the same). Her already shimmery golden eyes light up as she tells the girls of her exploits.
At Joss’s office, her and her coworkers are looking out Olivier’s window because they are filming a porno across the street. Joss is highly entertained, everyone else seems mildly horrified. Olivier comes in and is not amused by the peep show and everyone scatters back to work.
At Harry’s restaurant (which I just realized is called Savannah’s Kitchen — sad face), Savi asks her husband if he’s ever coming home, or if he’s going to live on the couch in the back of the restaurant forever. Hostess McCleavage interrupts them to talk shop, and Savi gets a look on her face that screams “I’m about to project my affair onto you.”
Karen goes to work to find the place filled with cops, and since she has committed a number of crimes over the past few weeks — in fact, just moments ago she was breaching confidentiality codes with Savi, a lawyer on the case — she is understandably a little nervous. Overeager Assistant is so thrilled that something as exciting as a break-in is happening that she is literally shaking. Luckily, Handsome Jacob is there, because if it were up to these two stress-balls, the police would have stuck around a lot longer. Since he was there, the coppers left, chalking things up to a fruitless break-in.
April meets up with Mistress Bitch in the coffee shop, armed with her own bitchface. She hands her a check for $100 and tells her to strut her little butt back to Florida and she’ll get more money when she gets it. Mistress Bitch is not pleased with this option, but is a little stunned by April’s newfound assertiveness, so she just watches in silence as April leaves.
Later, when Joss walks into the office, she finds everyone pouting and asks if Pretty Little Liars has been cancelled. (Which means Joss obviously doesn’t watch Pretty Little Liars, otherwise she would know that if it had gotten cancelled, there would be less pouting and more wailing and screaming.) It turns out that Bossman was none too pleased with their little porn break earlier and is making them all stay late because of it. Kind-hearted soul that she is, Joss goes right into Olivier’s office to take the entire blame for the distraction – but he tells her that they’re all responsible for their own actions. He gives her a property and she tells him it’s too easy, that he’s wasting her talent, but he disagrees. She walks out with her head held high, determined to prove him wrong.
Across town, Dom ducks into Savi’s office to tell her that a big boss is retiring soon. He then not-so-casually transitions into talking about The Affair but Savi shuts him up real fast by telling him that she’s pregnant. This time she gives the speech, however, she tells him the baby is Harry’s as if there is no question about it. He looks crestfallen and she leaves him alone to pick up the pieces of his shattered heart.
Determined not to be bested by the new boss, Joss is Googling Olivier to find a way to manipulate him, since she has no interest in sexing him. This Mona is the opposite of Mona Vanderwaal and has not one stealthy bone in her body, so she’s squawking over Joss’s shoulder about potassium and chest hair while Joss looks for a way to turn the tables on Olivier.
Karen and Savi are at their daily vent session, and while most of it is just the regularly scheduled whining about their snowballing mistakes, in one notable part of the conversation, Karen tells Savi that she’s acting crazy. Karen! Karen, Queen of Crazy. Calling Savi crazy. Hilarious.
Getting ready to get a bid on the property speedy quick to prove her point to her new grumpyface boss, Joss is in Savi’s room, borrowing some jewelry that complement her shining personality. (The background music appropriately singing “ooh la la” all the while.)
While rustling around, she stumbles upon a pregnancy book Harry gave Savi and is so excited about the prospect of being an auntie that she can’t see Harry’s tearstains warping the pages of the “For Dads” chapters.
“Mistresses” recap (1.06): Sexy Aunt