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“Curl Girls” Recaps: Episode 2

Last week – Last week on Curl Girls, we met the girls who ride the curls. Michele is centered and level-headed, and no one heeds her. Erin is a serious surfer who practices law and likes to shoot at things.

Sensitive Melissa is seriously dating Jessica. Too bad Jessica isn’t seriously dating Melissa, if you know what I mean.

Gingi is a snazzy dresser who likes flirting. Lastly, Vanessa enjoys tube socks, streaking and cracking wise. And they all love surfing. And talking. And talking some more.

Last week, for no particular reason, the girls decided to organize a surfing competition for themselves: Michele, Gingi and Melissa against Erin, Vanessa and Jessica. Let the games begin.

You show me yours – Gingi and Vanessa are both clothing designers but with very different styles. Gingi favors a sophisticated but slightly edgy, femmy kind of thing. Vanessa is into the urban, kitschy, retro look. Should they ever collaborate, we’ll be seeing flowy wrap skirts made from car upholstery.

After work, Gingi calls Vanessa from her car and invites herself over.

Gingi: Is this a good time to come by to your place and um, we can kind of … um, share? Vanessa: Totally! I’m totally in my sweatshop, sweating right now, so … Gingi: Oh, brilliant. I love it. Good, good. I get to see you in your dirty digs.
Gingi arrives at an Echo Park boutique called Ladita, which I’m guessing is pronounced “la-dee-da.” Vanessa is busy working in the front of the store but stops to show Gingi her clothing line. It’s so gay she calls it “Sew Gay.” Cute. I want to have a lingerie store just so I can call it “I.C. London.”

Vanessa takes sweating seriously, because she’s wearing her favorite red terry-cloth headband again and wristbands, too. Either her fashion muse is Björn Borg or she has a glandular problem.

Gingi breaks out her own portfolio and shows Vanessa some samples. Vanessa likes talking shop with another designer. And it doesn’t hurt that Gingi is easy on the eyes.

Vanessa: It’s so nice to hang out with people of, like, like minds and like aspirations and see the struggles that they’re going through. … Gingi’s cute. I think she’s a good-looking girl. Yeah, she’s a hot girl …
I finally figured out who Gingi reminds me of: Daphne Rubin-Vega. Who? If you were able to take your eyes off Neve Campbell and Denise Richards for five seconds during Wild Things, you might remember Kevin Bacon’s partner, Det. Gloria Perez, the cop who figured out the scam too late to do anything about it. Yeah, no one remembers anything from that movie except the sex scenes and Kevin’s bacon. Taking a meeting – Surf team captains Michele and Erin meet for lunch at a Mexican café to plan the upcoming competition. Michele says she invited her friend Rebecca. Oh, no. Are they now merging lesbian reality shows?

But no, it’s not that Rebecca from Work Out. This Rebecca is a surfing instructor and author of surfing books Surf Like a Girl and Surfer Girl Journal. That was close.

Erin suggests that Rebecca not only lend her support but be a judge, too. Rebecca’s happy to oblige and mentions the Surfrider Foundation, an organization working for clean oceans and beach preservation. Why not turn the contest into a fundraiser? Erin and Michele love the idea because what lesbian doesn’t love a fundraiser that involves sports? Not gonna date ya – Back at Ladita, Vanessa and Gingi are chillin’ in the back room. Gingi mentions there’s a barbeque later at Michele’s house where they’ll get to meet Michele’s girlfriend. She segues right into, “So, what about you? No girlfriends?” Vanessa opts to take the fifth. Why so secretive? Are you in a terry-cloth fetish down-low with Amelie Mauresmo?

Gingi keeps probing.

Gingi: Have you always dated women? Vanessa: Yeah, well I had a boyfriend when I was like, 16. And you? Gingi: Um, ah, I didn’t know that I really liked girls until I liked them. I was 18 … Vanessa: [Laughs.] Gingi: Yeah, it was weird … Vanessa: And you’re talking about me? [Laughs.] Gingi: It kinda snuck up on me. Vanessa: And then what? Are you totally gay, straight or whatever … Gingi: No, I date men still.
Screeech! Vanessa rolls her eyes and looks away for a second. She gets off the Gingi bus right there.

Gingi: It depends; it’s not really like a sex thing with me. It’s more of, like, an energy thing with me. Like, if you get me and we can hang and we can have a good time … Vanessa: So, you’re bi. Gingi: Yeah … Vanessa: Gotcha! Lot of bi girls, like, play this whole game where, like, they won’t … they’re really obscure about it. It’s like if you’re bi, own it, OK, whatever. Gingi: Yeah, totally. Vanessa: I’m not gonna hate ya, and I’m not gonna date ya. Ya know?
Gingi’s taken aback for a moment. I don’t get that she’s seriously interested in Vanessa, but still. Girls don’t want women who are not their type telling them they’re not their type. Chicks.

Gingi’s worried about how the other girls will take the news later that night, now that she’s outed herself. Vanessa’s blasé about it — if they don’t like it, who cares? Gingi says she’s willing to engage in whatever dialogue might be needed. Bisexual consciousness raising over weenies and beer. Oh goodie. Team practice — Michele schedules a practice session with teammates Melissa and Gingi. At least someone is taking the competition seriously. As Michele outlines her strategy for surfing success, short-attention-span Melissa is looking around the beach. She spies Jessica coming their way. What’s she doing here? And there’s Erin now, too. Huh. Seems the other team picked the same beach for their practice. What are the odds! How crazy is that? It’s almost like the producers someone planned it that way. Spooky.

Oh my nose! — Erin catches up to Jessica as they walk toward the beach. Erin has her surfboard with her, but Jessica is curiously board-free. Jessica says her face is swollen from her collision with Michele last week, and her doctor advised her not to surf today.

Erin: It’s our first team practice and I find out that Jessica has a “wound.” It’s like a tiny little thing on her lip. Suck it up!
Maybe when Jessica said “doctor” she meant “mommy.” Michele and Melissa are shouting instructions to Gingi over the roar of the surf. “All right, Gingi, get on your board! Get on it! All right! Now, have the nose sticking up! Now paddle! Paddle!”

Gingi tries to do all those things, but her board slips out from under her like Anne Heche the last time she was in Ellen’s bed. Gingi’s not really a curl girl, is she? She’s the show’s eye candy with a chewy bi-drama center. Melissa says it doesn’t matter if Gingi can’t surf as long as they beat Erin, Vanessa and Jessica. Since Gingi and Jessica are both the beginners, Melissa sounds like she wants Gingi to kick her girlfriend’s ass. And she wouldn’t be the only one.

While Team Michele works together and strengthens its esprit de corps, Erin and Vanessa eye Jessica with annoyance. She isn’t practicing, but she needs it more than anyone. Pouty-lipped Jessica brushes some sand off her delicate hands and suns herself while she watches the others in the water. Out on their boards, Erin and Vanessa sit with their backs to Jessica and complain.

Erin: So, it sucks that Jessica didn’t surf with us today. Vanessa: Totally blows, yeah. Erin: She, like, needs the most practice out of all us, though. Vanessa: Yeah.
Erin thinks that even if Jessica has a doctor’s note, she can still do something to train: jog along the beach, do push-ups, maybe carry Erin’s board. Yeah, that’s not going to happen.

A date with a guy — After training is over (for those who trained) the girls are relaxing on the beach. Melissa announces she has a date with a guy. Gingi gasps, “No you don’t,” because that would be her territory. Melissa laughs and says her date is with a tattoo artist. She’s going to get a new one to cover up the big honking “Beatrice” splayed across her upper arm.

If you really want to undergo a bazillion needle jabs to have a picture embedded on your arm that you wouldn’t hang on your wall, that’s fine. Just don’t put anyone’s name on your body. That’s hope triumphing over reality in the worst possible way. But if you’ve got your heart set on having a hummingbird next to your hoo-ha, go for it — you won’t be alone. In 50 years, old folks’ homes will be filled with fogies with faded tribal designs on their sagging, shriveled asses.

I don’t have any tattoos. I can’t even commit to a screen saver.

Melissa tells us it’s been well over 10 years, and it’s time to remove Beatrice from her life for good. The easiest (and cheapest) thing to do would probably be to add the word “who?” or “not!” or “sucks.”

Michele and Gingi accompany Melissa to the tattoo parlor. Michele looks on uncomfortably as the artist traces the image of a woman in a bustier over long-gone Beatrice. She asks Melissa if her recent breakup with Jessica has anything to do with this new mission.

They broke up? Really? It didn’t have a feeling of finality or resolution. Oh, wait. Lesbian breakups never do — what the hell was I thinking?

Melissa laughs ironically and answers, “I mean, it came up a few times.” Melissa thinks Jessica will either be happy for her because she knows she’s always wanted to do it, or she’ll be pissed that it happened after they broke up. I can’t imagine what the tattoo artist — who’s pretending not to listen to the dyke drama as he works — is thinking. Parlor games — Meanwhile, Team Erin is maintaining a strict training regime by going to an ice cream parlor. Erin and Vanessa are interested in hearing more of the Jessica and Melissa saga, as are we all. We are interested, right?

Vanessa: What’s up with you and Melissa? Erin: Yeah, what is up with that? Jessica: I really haven’t talked to her, and it honestly made me think a lot that I do miss her company.
Back at the tattoo parlor:
Gingi: I think that it’s great you’re [covering up the tattoo] … for yourself. Michele: How’s that feeling? So, next time you have the urge to, uh, put somebody’s name on your arm … Gingi: You might want to remember … Michele: … this moment. Gingi: … this feeling.
Until the next cute girl comes along and this whole moment goes right out the window.

Back at the ice cream parlor:

Jessica: We were having the issue about the whole thing of her and I not being together and not having that title. And she found out I kissed another girl and everything blew off the handle.
That title being “World’s Dopiest Lesbian Couple.” Yep, everything blew clean off that handle. The look on Erin’s face is priceless.

Vanessa puts it more eloquently: “Yada, yada, yada. Drama, drama, drama. Kah, kah, kah, kah.” Egg-zactly.

Bored and fickle, Jessica has switched into “any storm in a lull” mode and decided she wants Melissa back. Meanwhile, Melissa lives her whole life in the “any port in a storm” mode. These two are so getting back together. Vanessa sees the train wreck ahead and says nothing, because why bother?

Spark up the grill — Michele is having everyone over to her house for a barbeque. She explains the difference between a gay man’s barbeque and a lesbian barbeque: A gay man would hire a bartender. At a lesbian barbeque, two lesbians will inevitably end up fighting over who gets to do the grilling. Ain’t that the truth! Get away from my Weber.

Jessica and Melissa hug tentatively; it’s the first time they’ve seen each other since their half-ass breakup. To get things started, someone asks leadingly, “Melissa, what did you do last night?”

Melissa, standing up with great fanfare, pulls off her bandage and reveals her new tat. Jessica’s lantern jaw hangs open in awe. She’s ecstatic the ex-girlfriend’s name is gone, replaced by a half-naked chick. Melissa gushes with pride that she made Jessica so happy. Vanessa gives a monotone, sarcastic “Yay.” Oh, Vanessa, I so want to hang with you.

Michele gives Vanessa instructions on how not to blow her eyebrows off while turning on her grill. Once that’s done, the meat goes on and the backyard fills with the mouth-watering, smoky aroma of beefy goodness.

Conversating — During dinner, Gingi says randomly, “Sometimes, lesbians are worse than men.” Worse how? About proper propane usage? About chewing with their mouths open, like Jessica is doing at the moment?

Jessica: Every straight woman in the closet would say something like that. Vanessa: [knowingly] What if she’s bi? Jessica: Don’t label yourself as a lesbian then. Vanessa: Ohhh! Gingi: Who ever labeled anybody as a lesbian? Jessica: You did.
Jessica’s hunched over her plate, stuffing her face like a starving bear.

Gingi: I don’t think I did, because I would never say that. Jessica: You actually did. All you conversated about was one woman and how much you loved being gay and this and that, and the next minute, you were talking about your ex-boyfriend.
I loves me some good conversating. How ’bout you?
Gingi: I have definitely been in love with women. Jessica: More power to ya. [If] you’re bi, you’re bi. But don’t say you’re one thing and turn around and do the other, and sit here and pretend something that you’re not.
Gingi explains she’s fine being the one thing, then turning around and being the other, and later, sitting around pretending she has any idea what she just said. She’s attracted to someone’s energy, not their thingies.

Michele chimes in with an air of authority, “I’ve never heard you declare what you are,” which settles it for me because she seems like a creditable witness. And besides, Jessica’s babbling.

Jessica cries out, “Don’t lie about it!”

The argument continues in a circular motion until Michele’s equally calm and reasonable girlfriend, Jenn, says simply: “But don’t you think sometimes you change your mind? Like, you think you’re in one position, then suddenly, your world opens up to something new?” Oh God, stop making sense, you two.

Jessica: No, that’s understandable, but like I said, it’s also about how you portray yourself as a person. What do you sit here and flaunt yourself as? If someone does something because they want to sit here and say they’re gay … Gingi: I don’t think that’s valid … Jessica: [interrupting] I think I’m talking right now. I’ll be done in just a second.
Talk to the hand, girl. Gingi laughs and the others sit in silence, warily eyeing Jessica. Melissa hasn’t uttered a peep because she’s cowering behind the potato salad hoping no one noticed her. Erin tries to smooth things over by saying she hopes everyone is adult enough not say they’re gay just to be cool — isn’t that right, Gingi? Michele says, “I never would have picked you, had I known,” but she’s being sarcastic. I think. Everyone chuckles except Jessica, who looks like she ate some bad mayo.

Gingi theorizes Jessica doesn’t have a problem with all bisexuals, just the ones named Gingi. Jessica does seem to have a stick up her butt about her. Perhaps it’s actually a crush, or as Karman calls it, “gingivitis.” Uh huh.

Michele and Erin want to talk about the competition. Oh yeah. Surfing. The competition. Right. I forgot why we were here.

They tell everyone about their meeting with Rebecca, the Surfrider Foundation and how their friendly little contest is now a fundraiser. Melissa ups the ante and suggests they run out and get sponsorship too. Everyone loves the idea and comes together, if only for a few brief moments of camaraderie. Nothing brings lesbians together like a cause, which sadly is not to raise money to buy Jessica a dictionary.

Stirring the pot — Gingi and Melissa are sitting together, away from the others. They start whispering while they watch Jessica toast a marshmallow from afar. Gingi starts off delicately.

Gingi: What’s your age difference? Melissa: Seven years. Gingi: Are you … are you willing to go the length? Melissa: [Long pause. Frozen smile.] I’m not really sure. Gingi: I see your hesitation and rightfully f—ing so.

Gingi: There are givers and there are takers on this world. And I definitely believe that you are a giver. Melissa: She’s a huge giver in a lot of things. Gingi: Abs — I … of course. I just … I just hope for your sake that she does that a lot sooner than later, because she will lose you. And it will be the worst thing, and she won’t realize [it] until you’re gone. Melissa: Well, the good thing is that right about now, I don’t have to make a decision.
The boring voice of reason — Marshmallow fight! The girls are running around Michele’s back yard throwing marshmallows at each other. Melissa gets up and tackles Vanessa. Jessica grabs Melissa from behind and stuffs a handful in her mouth. Michele adds a seat cushion to her arsenal and slaps at Melissa and Jessica with it as they roll around on the ground. We lesbians age well because we never grow up. Finally, Erin steps in and in her grown-up voice suggests it’s not good manners to leave sticky wads of sugar all over Michele’s lawn. Melissa complains she has marshmallow in her hair. I’m taking her word for it — it’s hard to tell from here ’cause it’s already so white.

The quivering voice of crazy — After marshmallow madness, everyone cleans up — everyone except Jessica and Melissa. While Vanessa and Gingi help Michele pick up stray plastic cups, plates and spent marshmallows, Jessica and Melissa disappear around to the front of the house, leaving the others to wonder, what now?

Michele thinks the minute Melissa moved on, Jessica suddenly found her attractive again. Gingi theorizes Melissa is the putty and Jessica is the hand because Jessica “looks the way that she does.” Gingi probably knows something about that, looking the way she does.

Melissa is full of both swagger and hope because Jessica’s all she’s got. All the other L.A. lesbians are out auditioning for a new reality show called Lesbian Models in Outer Space.

Melissa: I know that Jess misses me. She didn’t even have to pull me aside for me to know that. And I know she still has very strong feelings for me and loves me.
In front of the house, the two kooky lovebirds sit down facing each other and hold hands. Jessica confesses it hasn’t been the same since they broke up. Melissa agrees; everything’s so different. Um, isn’t that the point of breaking up?

After what was probably two whole days of introspection, Jessica has decided she doesn’t like having to say, “Table for one, please.” Tearfully, she confesses that she wants Melissa back in her life. Melissa’s eyes are bugging out of her head with fear and disbelief. Jessica leans in and lays a big, tonguey kiss on her. Yay? Next week on Curl Girls Vanessa loses her shirt. Jessica does what Jessica wants, which is everything but train. Gingi and Jessica have a throw-down while Melissa stares at the sidewalk looking for loose change.

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