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“Bad Girls” Recaps: Episode 2.11 “Rough Justice”

THIS WEEK’S RAP SHEET:

The poisoner: Somebody adds a little something to Renee’s lunch.

The pint-swiller: Fenner hits the sauce.

The prison service professional: Helen has a lot of meetings, including a few with Nikki.

Wow — First, let’s take a moment to reflect on the title of this episode: “Rough Justice.” My mind just went in a whole other direction for a minute there.

A ride — Di is picking Fenner up. In a car, I mean. She’s driving him to work because his car is in the shop. Di has just happened to leave some holiday brochures on the passenger seat, not that she wanted Fenner to notice them or anything. She says she’s thinking about taking her mother to Spain this summer. Fenner could not be less interested, even when she insists that he take a look at the brochures too. What the hell, Di? Do you get free miles or something if you refer a friend, or is this one of those time-share scams?

Fenner explains that he and his wife have “decided not to go abroad” this year, which seems to be code for “we hate each other.”

Evil, thy name is Renee — Renee Williams, that new inmate and sworn enemy of Yvonne’s, is spouting crap at Crystal. And by crap, I mean incredibly racist stuff, like “jungle beads.” She’s sure that Crystal’s hairbrush has made the sink filthy. Crystal tells her to watch her mouth, but Denny warns Crystal to “leave it.”

Crystal: I ain’t afraid of this scumbag.

Just to show her how afraid she should be, Renee slams Crystal up against the cell door. Di opens the door just in time, to call them all to work. Whew; that was close.

The loo — Oh, my God. Yvonne and Nikki are in the same room at the same time, and they’re both looking delicious in their hoodies. Yes, I’m easy to please, but I could swear Yvonne gives Nikki an up-and-down glance. And doesn’t Yvonne have the best mischievous smile?

Man, I seriously need to channel this stuff into some fan fic. Anyway, my reverie is interrupted by psycho Renee emerging from a stall to attack Yvonne with that damn razor blade again. She manages to slash Yvonne’s arm. Nikki pulls Renee off and then shoves her away, retrieving the razor blade after Renee leaves. She tells Yvonne to “watch her,” and Yvonne looks genuinely scared. But she insists she can look after herself.

And she can look after me — Helen. Oh, Helen! There you are! She’s arriving for her workday. Dominic is as excited as I am.

Dominic: Does this mean you’ll be based here for good now?

Helen: Yep.

Three little letters. So sweet. Is there really a more beautiful woman on the planet? That smile gets me every time, and there’s that tongue again!

Di teases Dominic for flirting with Helen. But we all know he can’t help it any more than we could if we were there.

Mealtime — Renee asks Shell what’s in the grub.

Renee: What’s in that?

Shell: It’s shepherd’s pie.

Renee: I asked what was in it.

Shell: It’s potatoes and dead cow. Happy?

Well, I know I am! Shell makes a game of telling Renee what’s in the ice cream. As she reads the ingredients, she adds “lots of E’s.” Heh. But when she gets to “chopped, mixed nuts,” Renee tells her to “stick it.”

Gee. I wonder what’s going on here. I can’t imagine why she’d be so very concerned about nuts. Yvonne hears the whole thing, of course, and smiles to herself.

Reunited — Outside, Helen walks by the potting shed. She peers in as she passes, and Nikki sees her from inside the shed. Nikki scampers out and walks with her, sorta like a happy little puppy. Helen just keeps on strolling, but is obviously glad to see Nikki too.

Nikki: When’d you come in?

Helen: This morning. I’ve been in meetings all day.

Nikki: You here for long?

Helen: Uh-huh. Settin’ up a lifers’ group. We are gonna be seeing a lot more of each other.

Nikki: In private, I hope.

Helen: You’re gonna have to keep your hormones under control, Nikki.

Nikki just gives her a cheeky look. Helen finally stops walking and gets seeerrrious.

Helen: Listen. I have some good news.

Nikki: Yeah?

Helen: I sent a copy of your file to a lawyer friend of mine. She wants to meet you.

Nikki: She knows about my case?

Helen: She thinks that you could appeal your sentence.

Nikki: I can’t believe it. You’re joking. Wait till Fenner hears.

Helen: Oh, don’t wind him up. I kinda broke the rules when I first copied your file.

Nikki is obviously so tempted to kiss Helen at this point, it’s almost comical. In a maddening way.

Helen: Listen, we’ve got a long way to go, so don’t get your hopes too high.

Nikki: Yeah. But just to even have a hope.

Helen: [nodding]. I’ve gotta go. I’ve got more meetings. I’ll see you tomorrow.

No, not tomorrow! Now! Pout. Nikki, if you need some company while you’re pouting in the potting shed — oh, hey, the pouting shed! — let me know.

More subtle foreshadowing — Shell grouses about Renee and her food inquiries, hoping she’ll “choke on it.” You’re cracking me up today, Shell. Petulance is funny on you.

Back in the four-bed cell, Renee hassles Crystal some more, telling her to “piss off back to the jungle.” Crystal goes right to Fenner and Betts and reports the racism. Karen takes it very seriously, because she’s cool like that.

Fenner decides to take matters into his own hands (as usual) and barges into the four-bed cell to intimidate Renee. But she’s not easy to spook, so he rifles through her stuff. He dumps her expensive “hair stuff” down the toilet until she agrees to play nice. As a reward, he gives her the loo cleaner job.

Funny. I like my hair stuff too, but I don’t think I’d care much in prison. And you’re not exactly a stunner, Renee, so I’m not sure it matters very much whether your pomades are in your hands or down the loo.

In the library, Yvonne reads a medical book. She tears out a page for further research. Hmm.

Still pulling pranks — In the four-bed cell, Shaz stages another Hollamby prank, but this one is awesome. She pretends to loudly tell Denny to hide something, and then when Hollamby peeks in to see what’s up, Shaz pretends to hide something herself. So Hollamby trundles into the cell and over to the mattress to see what Shaz has stashed. Before she can blink, Shaz and Denny leave the cell and pull the door shut behind them, locking Hollamby inside with Crystal and Renee.

Woooo! Crystal just giggles. Hollamby whispers through the food slot in the door, telling Shaz and Denny they’ll get in trouble, but Shaz knows that if they do, so will Hollamby.

Hollamby: Now, come on girls. The joke’s over. Let me out now.

Shaz: Miss, how can we, miss? We haven’t got the key.

OK, Shaz, I take back my earlier comments regarding your dim wit. And hey, Denny: Nice thumb ring, ya lez!

Hollamby foolishly gives them the keys, off with which they promptly run. They go to the servery, where they collect biscuits and moldy bread. No, I don’t know what the latter is for. Before they can tell us, Denny sees a rat, so they leave.

They go back to the cell and let Hollamby out. OK, I’m back to the dim-witted thing: You had keys. And each other. And even some damn biscuits. Hit the freakin’ road!

But after Hollamby leaves and everyone else falls asleep, Shaz takes the moldy bread and puts it in Renee’s carton of juice or whatever that is. She really is a crafty little poisoner, isn’t she?

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow — It’s the next morning. You know what that means: Helen’s back! She’s welcoming lifers to their first lifers’ group. Guess who’s among them? Yes, one Nikki Wade.

Helen introduces herself and proceeds to talk to them about their needs or knees or something. Uh, what? Oh, sorry, I was beholding her gorgeousness again.

Just like me, Nikki stares at Helen intently. And that brings us one of the best Bad Girls scenes ever. As Helen gives her little speech about the lifers’ program, she suddenly glances at Nikki and sees the heat in her gaze:

And Helen completely loses her train of thought. She “ums” and gasps and tries to collect herself, but she is utterly flustered. Nikki enjoys this reaction, of course.

Shell does her usual bratty thing, which prompts a different reaction from Nikki:

Nikki: Stupid tart. Shut it, will you?

Helen: [flatly] Why don’t you do the same, Nikki?

Nikki: Sorry.

Aw. Here again is the essence of their relationship, such as it is: They can’t seem to resist each other, but the power dynamic — not to mention the big blinking sign that says “you’re still in jail” — keeps interfering. Helen’s next line seems to say it all, even though it is directed at the group rather than at Nikki:

Helen: Can we move on from here, please?

Helen passes around some questionnaires for them to feel out. Er, fill out. Where is my mind? Even Shell acknowledges it would be nice if someone would actually listen to what they have to say. A bell rings, bringing an end to the meeting.

Nikki stays behind, just like the teacher’s pet after class.

Nikki: I’m gonna phone my lawyer now, about my appeal.

Helen: Are you still in touch with Trisha?

Nikki: Why?

Helen: Because you’re gonna need friends on the outside if this goes ahead. Publicity, lobbying, that kind of thing.

Nikki: She still runs our club, so … we keep in touch.

Helen: Good.

Nikki: [teasing] Hard to believe I’m a businesswoman, i’n’t it?

Helen: [grinning] Sometimes.

Nikki: We’re doing well, apparently. [pausing] I’m gonna show you a good time when I get out.

Helen: [softly] I hope so.

And then they lean in and make googly eyes at each other and it’s both sexy and sweet — until the door opens. It’s Dominic, and he can see that he’s interrupting something.

Helen: Dominic. Is there something that you want?

Dominic: I was just gonna lock up in here.

Helen: Fine. Yeah, we’re just leaving.

Helen snapped so quickly back into professional mode, I have whiplash. Damn this intractable incarceration!

The four-bed dorm — Crystal can’t find her hair oil. Renee just stands there and sneers. Crystal reminds her what the Bible says about an eye for an eye.

Renee: Here. [tossing Crystal a banana] Maybe that’ll take your mind off it.

Racist Renee then swigs her moldy orange juice, blissfully unaware. Shaz and Denny smile at each other, but Crystal looks on intently too. Earlier,Crystal was studying the rat poison in the servery, as if she thought she might have an idea for it. I wonder what?

Suddenly Renee spits out the orange juice and runs to the toilet to hurl.

Elsewhere, somebody — we don’t know where or who — smashes a book (Danielle Steele’s Irresistible Forces) on something in a napkin. And then that someone takes the pulverized bits of something and puts them in a pepper shaker. The music gets all suspenseful and creepy. I think this will all make sense later.

A liquid lunch — Fenner and Dom are at the pub, guzzling pints. Well, Fenner is guzzling; Dominic is trying to get him to go back to work.

A solid, peppery lunch — Renee gets up to get a beverage. While she’s gone, somebody swaps her pepper shaker for another. Next thing you know, she’s shoveling the food into her mouth and many pairs of eyes — Shell’s, Shaz’s, Denny’s, Crystal’s and Yvonne’s — are watching with anticipation.

And Renee finally looks around and starts to hyperventilate. She runs out, then starts to seize as the guards try to seize her. Almost instantly, she’s dead.

Speculating — Shell taunts Yvonne about slipping some arsenic in Renee’s tea, but Yvonne reminds her that she’s the one who serves the food — and is thus the prime suspect.

The next morning, an unshaven, obviously hung over Fenner stumbles into the wing office as Karen is briefing everyone on Renee’s demise and the resulting investigation. Fenner offers a lame excuse about the golf club; Dominic just looks on sadly.

What’s up, Jim? Trouble on the home front? Trouble on the between-your-ears front?

A warning — Di escorts Shaz to a room where some police officers are waiting to chat with her, on account of her history of poisoning. After she leaves, Crystal warns Denny about Shaz:

Crystal: You wanna watch what you put in your mouth, girl.

Uh, I don’t think she meant that the way it sounded.

Drunken advice — Hollamby finds Fenner at the pub. She tells him about the Denny and Shaz caper — I swear I typed “Daz and Shenny” at first — and confesses that Shaz temporarily had the Larkhall keys. Fenner calls Hollamby a “stupid bitch” and suggests that she come clean to Karen right away.

Fenner, when you’re sober, you’re a jerk we love to hate. When you’re drunk, you’re just a jerk.

Don’t blink — Helen is wearing boots. And a skirt. And a leather jacket. Hang on while I rewind.

Who’s that dykey P.O. she’s smiling at, I wonder? Never mind; she’s visiting Nikki, and that’s what really matters. She peeks through the peephole first, and then she steps in quietly because Nikki’s asleep.

Helen perches carefully on the edge of the bunk and caresses Nikki’s sweetly slumbering face.

Nikki awakes with a start, but then smiles and sighs when she sees Helen, who expresses her surprise that Nikki is alone. Nikki explains that “the screws let Barbara out ’cause she makes their tea.”

Helen: I’ve come to collect the questionnaire. Did you fill it in?

Nikki: Yeah. [grabbing the piece of paper] My board review’s in two months’ time. My appeal might be underway by then.

Helen: If it’s granted.

Nikki: [hands her another piece of paper]

Helen: What’s this?

Nikki: I’m not usually the soppy type, but it says a lot of the things I don’t get a chance to say in this place.

Helen: I’ll wait till I’m in bed; I’ll read it then.

Stop making me swoon, you two!

They get interrupted again; this time it’s Karen. But Helen’s a lot less nervous around her and gives Nikki a fond smile as she goes — along with a coded message:

Helen: Bye, Nikki. I look forward to reading your views.

Nikki: Yeah. I mean every word.

Karen finds this a little odd, but doesn’t comment. Thanks, Gov!

The investigation — Why are these coppers so dumb? They just stare at each questionee — Shaz, Crystal, Shell — and don’t ask very useful questions. Of course, Shell happily volunteers that Renee was having an affair with Yvonne’s husband, even though nobody really asked.

Meanwhile, Hollamby finds the Gov and confesses that she gave Shaz her keys for a little while. She tries to play it off as no big deal, but Karen is understandably upset. For one thing, they’ll have to have all the cell locks changed, and that will cost hundreds of thousands of pounds.

Karen: You have stepped over the line once too often, Sylvia. I’m not letting you off this time. Make an appointment with my secretary. Now.

Oh, suddenly I’m interested in this story line!

Karen takes Shaz back to the questioning room and warns Denny that she’s not going to get away with their little expedition either. Outside, Hollamby shuffles to her car, looking like she wonders whether she’ll ever be allowed back in.

Also outside — Dom and Helen have a little chat.

Dominic: Bet you’re not missing G-wing now, eh?

Helen: What, managing you whinging, backstabbing bastards? I think not.

Dominic: Well, if that’s how you feel, I won’t tell you I was missin’ you, then.

Helen: Aw. Go on.

They decide to have a drink or a curry or something, to catch up and to figure out what’s wrong with Shell. Helen puts a hand on Dom’s arm as she takes her leave.

Unfortunately, Nikki sees the whole thing from her cell window. Of course. Cue the lesbian paranoia, round 32!

By the way, the music in these scenes is ridiculously soapy.

The next day — Sylvia’s going to be demoted, and her pay will be docked. She can’t believe “one mishap” has caused all this, but Karen says she’s lucky she’s not being sacked. I think she’s probably also lucky that Karen’s not giggling as she asks for Sylvia’s “pips.”

Another meeting — Nikki meets with Helen’s lawyer friend, Claire. Nikki’s charming as usual, and forthright about her tendency toward emotional outbursts. Claire thinks Nikki’s lawyers were wrong not to put her on the stand. She also reveals that the police officer Nikki killed, Detective Gossard, had a violent, wife-abusing history.

Well. That’s certainly interesting. And how lovely is Nikki in this scene? Red is a nice color for a brown-eyed girl.

More digging — The detectives want to talk to Sylvia and Jim and whoever else they can think of. After they leave, Dominic tells Karen that Fenner wasn’t exactly on duty when Renee died: He was at the pub.

Elsewhere, Yvonne walks around with a smirk. Di tells her there’s nothing to smile about, but Yvonne disagrees. She asks Di why they’ve all been let out of their rooms, so Di tells her that Shaz has confessed.

Right on cue, Shaz shows up; she figures she’s already in for life, so why not just get another sentence on top of that and ensure than nobody else gets stuck with the charge?

Denny: I don’t wanna get out of here without you, Shaz.

I feel like this show is giving me a new measure of commitment: Would your girlfriend become a prison officer if you went to jail? Or, if you were both inmates, would she confess to a crime she didn’t commit, just to make sure she didn’t get out without you? I can imagine a line of Hallmark cards with this motif.

Yvonne pulls Denny aside and says Shaz didn’t do it. Gee, I wonder how Yvonne knows? She warns Denny that Shaz could get sent to a hospital for the criminally insane if she gets two convictions for poisoning. So Denny starts to think up an alibi.

Still chug-a-lugging — Dom finds Jim at the pub again. He tells him Karen knows all about his disappearance on the day Renee died, so Jim figures he might as well give up and go home. Bye!

Getting to the truth — Nikki tells her new lawyer that the police just didn’t believe her — or Trisha — when they said Detective Gossard was trying to rape Trisha. Claire asks whether Trisha will testify again on Nikki’s behalf.

Nikki: Of course.

Claire: It’s nice when you can still be friends, eh?

At this opportune moment, Helen interrupts. Hmm.

Nikki thanks Claire, and Claire and Helen kiss each other goodbye. After Claire leaves, Nikki fills her in and then asks the inevitable:

Nikki: She’s really good, your friend.

Helen: Yeah?

Nikki: You known her for long?

Helen: Yonks.

Nikki: That all she is? A friend?

Helen: [scolding] Nikki. I’ve told you before: I’ve never been into women.

Nikki: Just men?

Helen: Oh, stop being jealous. Look, that letter you wrote me: I feel exactly the same. Trust me.

But Nikki doesn’t look too sure. She just sort of nods sadly. Can you believe the light speed with which these two go through things? They’ve broken up and made up and been freaked out and blissed out more times in a handful of episodes than most couples do in a handful of years. Lesbian drama is bad enough; must they play this thing at four times the usual speed?

And why, in the name of all that is holy, did we not get to read that letter Nikki gave Helen?!

Defending her love — Denny tells the detectives that Shaz is innocent, and she can prove it: She herself did it.

Before this little charade can go any further, one of the detectives gets a call. He kicks Denny out and goes to find Karen. It seems the cause of death was anaphylactic shock from a nut allergy, so the whole thing is declared accidental. Karen just smiles.

But she doesn’t smile when she goes looking for Jim and discovers he’s nowhere to be found. Dom doesn’t try to make excuses for Fenner; he just shrugs.

Karen goes to the common area and announces the cause of Renee’s death. Denny and Shaz celebrate, while Yvonne just watches.

Fueling the fire — Dom doesn’t want to help Di take Denny and Shaz down the block; he’s off to meet Helen for “a drink and a curry.” Guess who overhears him as he says this to Di? Yep, Nikki, who probably wishes her cigarette were laced with something a little more soothing than nicotine.

The big revelations — Karen goes to Fenner’s house. He’s pretty much living in his own filth; his wife has left him and taken the kids. He apologizes to Karen and says he’s embarrassed. She seems to feel sorry for him. I’m trying, but all I can squeeze out are tears of amusement.

On a similarly happy note, in her cell, Yvonne eats peanuts and smiles at Charlie’s photo.

NEXT TIME ON BAD GIRLS: The potting shed hosts another confrontation; Nikki’s jealousy grows; so does Karen’s sympathy for Jim.

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