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“Bad Girls” Recaps: Episode 2.07 “The Setup”

THIS WEEK’S RAP SHEET:

The searcher: Helen dedicates her efforts to Nikki’s appeal.

The sufferer: Zandra’s head hurts. A lot.

The schemer: Yvonne tries to escape.

Another morning in Larkhall — I’m beginning to wonder what’s wrong with me. I mean, I see this big beast of a prison, and I want to jump for joy. That’s not normal, despite the fact that incarceration is my backup retirement plan.

Oh, but here’s a good reason to jump for joy: There’s Helen! And now that she’s bid good riddance to those stuffy suits of the first season, we can enjoy her lithe neck, her lovely collarbones and her other considerable assets.

Helen and Karen are getting ready for the wing meeting. Because Helen is back at work at Larkhall, remember? She’s back! She’s there! And we get to keep Karen as wing governor. Here’s me jumping for joy again.

Karen: Now that we’re all here, I know there’s no need for introductions; you all know Helen. And you’re going to be seeing quite a bit of her around Larkhall. Helen’s been promoted to grade 4, and is going to be working for area management on a special Home Office project linked to the Lifers Report.

Helen and Fenner exchange looks that say, “I hate you even more than I did the last time I saw you, and that was really a lot.” Only on Helen’s face, there’s an extra element of “I dare you.” She’s so cool and fierce at the same time.

Just like her expression, Helen’s task is twofold: Figure out why there are more women lifers in Britain than any other country in Europe, and “make sure everything’s OK” with the women lifers at Larkhall. Oh? OK, you say? Like, the sort of all’s-right-with-the-world feeling Nikki gets when she brushes those full Scottish lips with her own?

Oh, boy. It’s gonna be a long recap.

After Karen finishes her speech, Helen assures everyone that she’s not there to run Larkhall in any way, and won’t be reporting anything to the governing governor.

Helen: Just think of me as a civilian worker.

I will. That, and a miracle worker. Same diff.

Karen continues with the meeting. It seems Shell has been shipped off to the loony wing. Er, she’s under observation in the prison hospital. But why didn’t we get to see the big rescue scene? At the end of the last episode, she had a makeshift noose around her neck. Oh, well; guess that got sorted out somehow. It was probably one of Helen’s miracles.

Still scheming — Fenner visits Yvonne in her cell. He wants to make another pay-for-privacy deal with Yvonne.

Yvonne, you know I love you, but what is your shirt doing? Besides scaring me, I mean?

Fenner decides to push his luck this time: He’s going to need a little something more, if he’s going to continue to put his job on the line. Yvonne looks at him like she’d like to put his neck on the line.

A sassy morning — Hollamby goes to Nikki and Barbara’s cell for their wake-up call.

Hollamby: All right. Let’s have you.

Nikki: In your dreams, love.

Hollamby: Less of your lip, Wade.

No, more! Much more. And why are you so smiley and witty this morning, Nikki? I wonder. I also wonder about your very beige clothes, but never mind. Your beaming face could brighten up even the drabbest of ensembles.

As Nikki and Barbara hustle to the breakfast queue, Yvonne calls her husband to tell him Fenner’s getting greedy. Like that’s news.

The breakfast queue — Look at the nervous anticipation at Nikki’s face. And then watch it turn to wonder as she sees Helen coming through the gates. You can almost hear her breath catch. Helen gives her the smallest of smiles, but it’s enough to freeze Nikki in her tracks; Barbara has to tell her to move along in the queue.

Helen is ambushed as she enters the dining area: Zandra and Crystal grin at her and welcome her back. Helen would love to stay to chat, but she has things to do. She saunters right over to Nikki.

Helen: Hello.

Nikki: Do you wanna come back to my place?

Helen’s eyebrows are surprised, but her mouth is just amused.

And that’s exactly where they go: to Nikki’s cell. Hang on a minute. Sometimes I have to remind myself that this is a TV show, and not a long and elaborate dream. I mean, how can this be happening? A lesbian relationship as the central story line of what was a prime-time drama on the U.K. equivalent of network TV? I’ll never get over it.

Nikki’s cell — Helen wants to know why Nikki is still on basic.

Helen: Have you not worked out yet how to be a good girl?

The way she says this line is criminal. No pun intended. That accent is just so swoon-inducing!

They sit next to each other on Nikki’s bed, which is the bottom bunk. It looks both uncomfortable and cozy.

Nikki: Oh, you know me, Helen: As long as my gob’s open, I’m gettin’ into trouble.

Helen: Fenner.

Nikki: [nods]

Helen: Nikki, just keep out his way.

Nikki: Yeah, I’ll try.

Helen: [unconvinced] Hmm?

Nikki: Look, Helen, don’t think I don’t appreciate what you’re trying to do for me. I’ve got more reason to get out of here now than I’ve ever had. But the reality is, it’s gonna be nine years before they let me out.

Helen: Look, this job gives me access to the files on all the lifers here. That means your files. Trial details, directions by the judge, updates on parole — everything.

Nikki: So?

Helen: So, maybe I can find something that will get you out of here.

Nikki: Like a magic key?

Helen: Come on, Nikki. I’m seerrrious.

I swear the writers were like: “Make her say seerrrious again! It drives them wild!”

Nikki: Helen, I know what I’m missing. And I am not prepared to spend the next nine years living in false hope, expecting to get out early.

Helen: It won’t be false hope if we make it happen.

Nikki: [sighing] Maybe I think I’m lucky.

Helen: Lucky?

Nikki: I’m locked up in here, and I can still touch you.

Helen: [jumping up] No, Nikki. Look, I know that I’m not the governor anymore, but you’re still a prisoner. We still have to be careful.

Nikki: Yeah, I know. I understand that.

Helen: Look, if there’s anything in those files … a witness that wasn’t brought forward, evidence that was left out, I’ll find it.

Nikki: Thank you.

Helen: I’ve gotta go. I’ll see ya.

Nikki: See ya.

Oh. What a crash — from “wanna come to my place?” to “see ya” in just a few minutes. Well, first dates are always hard.

On her way out, Helen runs into Jim. As they walk through the corridors, he asks how the “reunion” was.

Helen: Sorry?

Fenner: You and Wade. I have to admit, I didn’t realize you were that way inclined. The, uh, signs were there, I s’pose.

Helen: I’ve had enough of this conversation, Jim.

Fenner harangues her a little more and throws out the name “Simon,” just to scare her. Helen stops and confronts him.

Helen: Look, not that it’s any of your business, but for the record, since I’ve left here, yes, I’ve written to and I’ve visited Nikki Wade. And I’ve informed the governor. Not doing so would’ve been unprofessional, wouldn’t it, Jim?

Oh, yeah. Miss Stewart is back.

A darkroom — Someone’s developing a photo. It’s a picture of Fenner and Yvonne’s husband, taken on the golf course. That’s what you call thickening the plot — and that was the briefest plot-thickening scene ever.

Training — Hollamby gives Barbara the rundown on her new cleaning job. We don’t know quite why she’s been given this job, do we? Must have something to do with Karen feeling bad about all the Shell stuff.

As Hollamby leaves, Barbara asks about joining the church. Hollamby wonders what kind of Christian murders her own husband. Well, probably the kind who believes in mercy, Bodybag. But you wouldn’t know anything about that.

Not a clear day — Zandra is trying to read her horoscope, but she just can’t make the words come into focus. She throws her specs down in disgust. Officer Barker rushes over and asks what’s going on.

Zandra: These bloody glasses! They’re piss and crap!

I solemnly resolve to start talking like Zandra. Twatting twat and bloody this and that! Zan tosses out a few other choice epithets, but Di stands firm. Crystal comes by to help. She tries to figure out what’s wrong, but Zandra is inconsolable and can’t even seem to remember the word glasses.

The loo — Zandra is staring blankly into the mirror. Hollamby tells her to hurry up, so Zandra turns around and shuffles into a stall. Next thing you know, she’s on the floor, seizing. Di rushes to the rescue again. Crystal gives Di a boost over the stall door. (Wow, who knew prison officers were so acrobatic?) Poor Zan: She’s unresponsive and has wet herself. If ever there were a time to swear like Zandra, this is it.

Souring the deal — Yvonne invites Fenner to her cell.

Yvonne: There’s been a development. Four of them, actually.

She nods toward the wall, where she has taped up the photos of Fenner and Charlie on the golf course. Fenner rips them down and raises his hand to strike her, but she blocks his arm and tells him he’s not dealing with “some s—head little tart” now.

Yvonne: One bruise on me, and Charlie’ll feed your bollocks to his dogs.

He’s actually shaking, he’s so scared. Sweet!

The girl who cried pain — Hollamby assumes Zandra’s seizure was drug-induced. Crystal insists that Zandra is off drugs now.

Hollamby: That’s right. And I’m off chocolate fingers.

That doesn’t translate very well, and almost sounds raunchy. But chocolate fingers are really very yummy. I myself prefer a Twirl bar or some Minstrels.

Crystal tries to defend Zandra, but ends up just telling Hollamby she’s going to hell. Always a strong finish.

Chastised — Fenner is seeing the light.

Fenner: Maybe I overplayed my hand.

Yvonne: You never ‘ad one, mate.

Take that, Fawner. He tries to slip out, promising Yvonne that she and Charlie will have privacy on the next visiting day, but Yvonne tells him he’s not getting it: He may be carrying the keys, but he’s not calling the shots. She reminds him that she still has the negatives, so he asks her what she wants.

Yvonne: Out of Larkhall. For good.

No, Yvonne, don’t go! Your freedom is not more important than my amusement. Sorry.

Babs’ house of reflection — Nikki is pacing and smoking while Barbara writes in her diary. Nikki is skeptical of the whole endeavor, but Barbara thinks she can get a book out of her Larkhall experience. Besides, there’s nobody waiting for her on the outside, so she has to occupy herself somehow.

Nikki: No family?

Barbara: I left my first husband when I met Peter. Peter was a lovely man. Do you believe in soul mates, Nikki?

Nikki: Yeah, I think so.

Barbara: Someone who sees the world just the way you do. They don’t even have to be there with you, but somehow you’re just aware of them. Someone you were always meant to be with. Well, that was Peter.

Nikki: Sounds nice.

As if you don’t know how nice it can be, Nikki. But then Babs tells her sad tale: Peter got cancer, and Barbara helped him die.

Barbara: It wasn’t murder. I knew God wouldn’t see it as murder. But what I did do was kill the only man I could ever love. My soul mate. And the loneliness is much more punishment than this place could ever be.

Sigh. Nikki tries to comfort her, but there’s probably no comfort to be found in that situation. So Nikki encourages her to keep writing down her thoughts.

Nikki: You tell it as it is. Just make sure the screws don’t get a sneak preview, and that there’s nothing in there about me.

Barbara sort of sighs and looks askance in a “who-me-I-would-never-please-don’t-look-at-my-diary” sort of way. Foreshadowing, anyone?

Sometimes things don’t turn out the way you expect them to — Fenner goes barrelling into the wing office and starts pounding on the filing cabinets. He’s a little frustrated about the Yvonne thing.

Meanwhile, Sylvia and Di give Zandra’s cell a spin, but find no drugs. Perhaps it’s finally time to believe the four-eyed homicidal (and adorable) Kewpie doll when she says her head hurts?

Having hurt himself sufficiently in the wing office, Fenner exits to see Yvonne and Nikki chatting about some “golf pictures” of Charlie. Yvonne is doing this entirely to goad Fenner, of course. Nikki eventually figures that out — and isn’t terribly happy about it, having been genuinely interested in Yvonne and her photos. But she plays along anyway. You just can’t have a normal conversation at Larkhall.

Fenner asks Yvonne for a word. They take a little stroll (you know, the sort of stroll that creates a bubble of privacy, even though they’ve only gone two feet).

Yvonne: You’re sweating, Jim. You need to take more exercise.

Snicker. Yvonne continues to control the conversation as Fenner offers up reasons why he can’t help Yvonne escape. Her smooth, threatening demeanor lets him know he’ll have to try.

In black and white — In the library, Helen is reading Nikki’s file. Specifically, she’s digesting Nikki’s statement, in which she describes what she’s in for:

Nikki: [voiceover] I stuck what was left of the broken bottle in his neck. He fell to his knees; he was trying to hold the blood in with his hands. I could tell straightaway he didn’t have a chance. There was a hell of a lot of blood. I didn’t regret a single drop of it. He tried asking me to help him, stupid bastard. I phoned the police then. While we waited, I told him why I stabbed him. He knew anyway; course he did, but I told him anyway. He tried to rape Trisha, and you lot were never gonna do anything about it, were ya? He was one of yours, a copper, and I’m glad the bastard’s dead.

And then Helen reads the judge’s sentencing orders, which include a recommendation that Nikki serve 10 years before being considered for parole.

Helen: Oh, s—.

The door opens; it’s Karen. She asks Helen whether she fancies a drink, if she’s not too busy.

Helen: Never too busy for that. I’d love one.

So they go to Karen’s office for some wine and conversation. Karen reiterates her support for Helen and offers to help if any of the officers give her any trouble.

Helen: How are you gettin’ on with Jim Fenner?

No, not “gettin’ it on.” When a lovely Scottish lass says “gettin’ on,” it means “getting along.” Just so you know.

Karen says Shell retracted her accusations, and Fenner has been a model officer since then.

Helen: As far as you know.

It’s one thing for Helen to speak her mind so freely, but what’s even hotter is that long ohhh in know. Ohhh.

Helen: Just watch him, Karen. He’s a sly bastard.

Karen: Oh, I know.

It’s nice that these two respect each other. (If you haven’t seen the bloopers for this scene, don’t miss them: Simone laughs heartily when offered some cigarettes, plural.)

The yard — Zandra and Crystal talk about the headaches (she still has them) and the drugs (she’s still off them). Apparently the doc is still blaming it all on “withdrawal symptoms.”

Crystal: What, ’cause you come off the drugs?

Zandra: [deadpan] No, ’cause I ain’t had a shag in more than a year.

The Kewpie is always quick with a clever quip.

Plotting — Fenner is sitting in the wing office, just thinking. It’s kind of frightening — who knows what evil lurks inside that thick skull of his?

Karen comes in and asks for a file. And then she starts talking.

Karen: You look rough. Night on the tiles?

Fenner: No.

Karen: I had a drink last night. Helen Stewart. You’re not her favorite person, are you, Jim? In fact, I’d say you’re getting a reputation for upsetting wing governors. Well, female ones, at any rate.

On that well-played note, she tries to make a dramatic exit, but he stops her and says he has no trouble with female bosses and was even looking forward to working with Karen. But then she had to go and back Dockley instead of him.

Karen: Well, I thought I had good reason.

Fenner: Yeah. Maybe you did.

And then — are you sitting down? — he sincerely apologizes. What? Maybe he’s trying to make amends before he helps Yvonne make her big break.

I think I saw that in a movie once — Yvonne is on the phone with Charlie, talking about a dream she had. They were on a beach, white sand, palm trees, blah blah, “making love with the sea rushing in over our legs.”

A sea of nausea has just rushed over me, picturing that lunk of a guy with Yvonne. I guess they do say power is an aphrodisiac. I can’t figure out what else Charlie has going for him.

More plotting in the wing office — Jim tells Sylvia that Yvonne will need an escort next week; her husband has liver cancer, remember? Wink, wink. Sylvia is less than sympathetic, but she swallows the story, which is all Fenner cares about.

Unbearable — The pain in her head is too much for Zandra. She’s crying in her bed, and next thing you know, she’s shrieking out the door of her cell, telling everyone to shut up. Suddenly she thunks to the floor, unconscious. Barbara insists that Di get the nurse.

The next morning — Yvonne informs Fenner that today’s the day for her big escape. This is news to him, but Yvonne’s got it all planned. Her daughter’s going to come to visiting hours this afternoon with a story about how sick Charlie is. Then, one compassionate leave paper and half a taxi ride later, Charlie will threaten Fenner and create a big drama, and Yvonne will make a break for it. After Yvonne explains all of this, Fenner says she must be joking.

Yvonne: Do I look like a comedian, Mr. Fenner?

No. But you do look kinda hot when you glare like that.

A talk — Helen finds Nikki in the library. Nikki is all smiles when she sees Helen, but Miss Stewart is very seerrrious. She tells Nikki that she’ll have to be in Larkhall for nine more years before anyone will even consider letting her out — and with her “attitude,” it could add up to 15 or 20. But wait, it gets worse:

Helen: Lettin’ you go is up to the Home Secretary. Now, you killed a police officer. It means that they might never let you out of here.

Helen almost breaks down as she says this. Nikki does shed a few tears.

Nikki: I said I was a hopeless case.

Helen: You’re not a hopeless case, Nikki. It’s just gonna be difficult, forming an appeal. [pausing] I saw the statement you made to the police. You didn’t do yourself any favors. [sighing] The judge said it was cold-blooded murder. Is he right? Is that what you are — a cold-blooded killer?

Nikki: [quickly] No, of course I’m not.

And then they’re interrupted, as Di comes in. Helen sits down but looks back at Nikki with a lot of longing on her face.

There’s so much going on in that little scene. First, the way Helen says cold-bludded murrrdurrr is, again, swoon-worthy. And the way Nikki pleads with her eyes, willing Helen to see her as she is rather than as her file presents her, is heartbreaking. These two are so very good at the deep, long gazing. Go ahead, rewind! You know you want to.

Spinning a web — Fenner tells Karen that Yvonne has asked for compassionate leave. Karen agrees that they should do whatever they can to help. She’s even grateful that Jim is willing to take on the escort duty himself. Yeah, he’s a giver.

Subtle — Helen is still “working” in the library and Nikki is still “reading,” but what they’re really both doing is thinking about each other. When Officer Barker leaves (she’s the P.O. on duty in the library), Nikki makes her move. She puts her book down next to Helen, clears her throat, and goes to the door, waggling her eyebrows and doing one of those “this way” head motions. It’s about as subtle as Hollamby’s neck brace was.

Helen gathers up her things, does her own extremely obvious glance-around-the-room thing and then follows.

We’ll forgive them their graceless exits just this once, because what happens next is delicious. Helen goes to the Art room, and as she closes the door behind her, Nikki’s hands and lips are on her. Their kisses are both sweet and hungry, and Nikki’s fingers soon find the buttons on Helen’s shirt.

But Helen stops her.

Nikki: It’s all right; we’re safe here. Don’t worry.

Helen: It’s not that.

Nikki: What is it? You gone off me, then?

Helen: [breathlessly] Nikki, sit down. I need to talk to you.

Nikki: Talking’s what you do after.

Helen: Please.

Nikki: OK. [sitting] So what do you wanna talk about?

Helen: Us. What we’re doing.

Nikki: What we’re not doing, you mean.

Helen: Nikki, I need you to understand. You’ve turned my life inside out. I thought I knew which way I was going. I was doing the job that I wanted to do; I was committed to the man that I loved … There’s no signposts anymore. I don’t know what to expect. Except that it won’t be normal.

Nikki: So what’s normal? A husband, a job, 2.4 kids?

Helen: I wanted kids one day.

Nikki: You can still have them. There are ways. Oh, look, Helen: You’re not normal. You’re not abnormal. You’re just you. You do what you want to do. What you feel.

Helen: I wanna do what’s best for both of us.

Nikki: And this is. But Helen, relationships need both people involved in them. Sometimes I feel like I’m on my own. I need to know that you’re not just going through the motions.

Helen: Don’t worry, I’m not! Nikki. If I didn’t feel the way I feel, I wouldn’t be talkin’ like this.

Whoa. That was, like, three years’ worth of coming-out conversation compressed into three minutes. But once again, we got some intense looks, genuinely affectionate touching and so much chemistry I think my computer’s going to turn into a beaker.

Visiting time — Yvonne’s hot daughter Lauren is there. She immediately starts crying, but she’s not acting. Charlie’s in jail.

Lauren: Someone squealed, mum. They reckon he ain’t ever gettin’ out.

It’s pretty dire. Fenner sees their concerned faces and assumes the game is on; he goes right to Karen to start making the arrangements to escort Yvonne to the hospital. Yvonne just comforts her frightened (and still hot) daughter.

Karen asks Jim whether Sylvia can do the escort duty instead, but Fenner argues his case successfully, claiming he’s more “sympathetic.” Snort.

Back in the Art room — Helen and Nikki look almost post-coital.

They’re just holding hands and cuddling, and then Helen says those three little words:

Helen: I’ve gotta go.

Nikki starts to despair a little.

Helen: What is it? What’s the matter?

Nikki: You, trying to get me out of here.

Helen: I will get you out of here.

Nikki: That’s great, Helen. But you can’t make it your job description.

Helen: Can’t I? Watch me.

Nikki: I don’t want you ruining your career over me.

Helen: So what’re you gonna do? Tell the governor that I’m helping you formulate an appeal? That’s a new one.

Nikki: I don’t want you getting into trouble.

Helen: Look, I’ll make a deal with you. I won’t get into trouble if you don’t.

Nikki: You don’t give up, do you?

Helen shakes her head and seals her promise with a kiss. And another. And another.

Oh. My. At this point, I can’t decide which of them I love more, so I’ll just say this: I love you, Bad Girls.

Getting help — Zandra has been taken to an outside hospital. Crystal asks Di for more info, but Di can’t say ’cause she doesn’t know.

The escort — Fenner, Hollamby and Yvonne are on their way to the hospital (or so thinks Hollamby, anyway). Yvonne suddenly complains about her stomach; she thinks she has the runs. Fenner tells the driver to pull over and escorts Yvonne into a pub.

Inside the ladies’ room, Hollamby makes sure Yvonne goes into a stall that doesn’t have a window.

Hollamby: Did you think I was born yesterday?

Yvonne: Not by the look of you, no.

But Hollamby isn’t clever enough; Yvonne slithers under the wall between the stalls and begins to make her way out the window. But just as she’s about to get out, Fenner sees a newspaper with Charlie’s beaming face on the front page. Realizing what’s up, he bursts into the ladies’ room and pulls Yvonne down.

Curses. I mean, hooray! I don’t want you to go anywhere just yet, Yvonne.

Bad news — Karen talks to Zandra’s doctor. It’s the worst possible news, or at least it seems to be, judging by Karen’s tone. We can’t get the facts just yet, though; that wouldn’t be soap-opera-ish at all.

Locked up again — Fenner tells Yvonne that she has no power now that Charlie’s behind bars.

Fenner: Where does that leave you? In deep, deep s—.

Yvonne: [as Fenner goes] Watch your step. You can slip on s— and break your neck.

No good news anywhere — Karen welcomes Zandra back. Look how cute Zan is again! She’s sweet when she’s feeling better. However, she seems to have no clue that something serious is going on, and apparently Karen isn’t ready or isn’t allowed to to tell her.

Meanwhile, Yvonne cries in her cell, cradling a picture of Charlie.

Whatever it takes — As the various prison staffers make their way out of Larkhall for the night, Helen sneaks back to a room full of files. She finds Nikki’s file and nervously photocopies it, page by page, looking over her shoulder as she does.

Take that, so-called wheels of justice! I’ve got copies! And I’ll get more photocopies, and I’ll get my girl out! I have no idea how, but I think she just might.

NEXT TIME ON BAD GIRLS: The two Julies get their hands on some cell phones; Zandra needs some natural, plant-based pain relief.

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