THIS WEEK’S RAP SHEET:
Another morning in Larkhall — I’m beginning to wonder what’s wrong with me. I mean, I see this big beast of a prison, and I want to jump for joy. That’s not normal, despite the fact that incarceration is my backup retirement plan.
Oh, but here’s a good reason to jump for joy: There’s Helen! And now that she’s bid good riddance to those stuffy suits of the first season, we can enjoy her lithe neck, her lovely collarbones and her other considerable assets.
Helen and Karen are getting ready for the wing meeting. Because Helen is back at work at Larkhall, remember? She’s back! She’s there! And we get to keep Karen as wing governor. Here’s me jumping for joy again.
Helen and Fenner exchange looks that say, "I hate you even more than I did the last time I saw you, and that was really a lot." Only on Helen’s face, there’s an extra element of "I dare you." She’s so cool and fierce at the same time.
Just like her expression, Helen’s task is twofold: Figure out why there are more women lifers in Britain than any other country in Europe, and "make sure everything’s OK" with the women lifers at Larkhall. Oh? OK, you say? Like, the sort of all’s-right-with-the-world feeling Nikki gets when she brushes those full Scottish lips with her own?
Oh, boy. It’s gonna be a long recap.
After Karen finishes her speech, Helen assures everyone that she’s not there to run Larkhall in any way, and won’t be reporting anything to the governing governor.
I will. That, and a miracle worker. Same diff.
Karen continues with the meeting. It seems Shell has been shipped off to the loony wing. Er, she’s under observation in the prison hospital. But why didn’t we get to see the big rescue scene? At the end of the last episode, she had a makeshift noose around her neck. Oh, well; guess that got sorted out somehow. It was probably one of Helen’s miracles.
Still scheming — Fenner visits Yvonne in her cell. He wants to make another pay-for-privacy deal with Yvonne.
Yvonne, you know I love you, but what is your shirt doing? Besides scaring me, I mean?
Fenner decides to push his luck this time: He’s going to need a little something more, if he’s going to continue to put his job on the line. Yvonne looks at him like she’d like to put his neck on the line.