Archive

Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (May 11, 2007)

LESBIANS WALK THE PLANK There’s a lesbian on Mark Burnett’s latest reality show Pirate Master, which basically looks like Survivor on a pirate ship.

Thirty-year-old Los Angeles bartender Jupiter, who came out at 16, describes herself as “a caretaker who is vivacious, outgoing and spiritual,” has hobbies like dancing, spinning poi (fire), swimming and writing, and is working toward getting certified as a massage therapist, but she ultimately wants to become an entertainment talk show host (hey, I hear there’s an opening on The View).

Here’s a photo of Jupiter, all decked out in Jackie Warner’s new clothing line pirate wear: And here’s a promo for the series: Jupiter may be the only out contestant, but in those outfits, the women all look like lesbians to me! Look for the show to premiere on May 31st on CBS.

Speaking of pirates, remember that comic concept by Megan Rose Gedris I mentioned last year called I Was Kidnapped by Lesbian Pirates From Outer Space? The comic followed the adventures of Susan Bell, “a normal Earth girl, with a brand new job as a secretary. Little did she know, she would be kidnapped by Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space! They claim she is one of them, and, whether she likes it or not, she’s now part of the crew! Traveling through the universe, under the direction of Captain Janet McSapphic, they take what they like and do what they please. Meeting villains like The Incredible Male Man (a super-chauvinist), the sexy pirate girls won’t let anyone stop them!” Now that should be the premise of Mark Burnett’s new pirate series, not a silly treasure-hunting competition.

I Was Kidnapped by Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space took second place in the 2006 Comic Book Challenge, thanks in part to votes by all of you, and now it’s being made into an actual comic book, first online, then in print.

Here’s the cover of the first issue: The first few pages are up now on drunkduck.com, and new pages will be added on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for six 22-page issues, after which it will be published in graphic novel form.

LOVELY BONES THE MOVIE: WILL THE LESBIAN STAY IN THE PICTURE? Dreamworks has won the bidding war to produce the Peter Jackson-directed adaptation of The Lovely Bones, the best-selling 2003 novel about the aftermath of the murder of a 14-year-old girl named Susie, as she watches her friends and family cope with the tragedy from her vantage point up in her own personalized version of heaven. One of the main characters, a friend of Susie’s named Ruth, grows up to become a lesbian, but will that little detail make it to the big screen?

New York magazine recently reviewed the script, and they say it stays pretty close to the book, but the review doesn’t mention what happens with Ruth’s sexual orientation. Jackson did direct Heavenly Creatures (1994), which included a lesbian relationship (albeit one that led to murder). But given that Ruth’s homosexuality is only a minor subplot revealed late in The Lovely Bones, and Hollywood has a long history of de-gaying characters, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if this gets dropped from the film. Because child rape and murder is one thing. But lesbianism? That’s pushing it.

Casting should be announced soon, and production starts on the film in October. I’ll keep you posted as I learn more.

GAY-BASHING BASHING: ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE DOING IT. Earlier this week, Stephen Colbert addressed the recent hate crimes legislation passed in the House (that Bush has threatened to veto) in this segment about discrimination against America’s newest minority group: the intolerant. Check it out: Hilarious! I watched it twice, and I’m still not sure which moment I like better: when Colbert calls anti-gay crusader James Dobson the “Rosa Parks of intolerance” or when he asks Georgia representative Lynn Westmoreland to name the Ten Commandments, and he can’t name even one. Maybe that’s why Westmoreland is campaigning to have them inscribed on a tablet outside his office – so he can use it as a big, stone Cliffs Notes.

BISEXUAL STATE OF MIND Lifetime‘s upcoming series State of Mind, starring Lili Taylor, is created and co-written by bisexual author and psychotherapist Amy Bloom, who wrote Normal: Transsexual CEOS, Crossdressing Cops and Hermaphrodites With Attitude. Although Taylor’s character, who is based on Bloom, won’t be bisexual, the series will include story lines about a transgender teen as well a custody battle between two women, among others, according to Lifetime.

State of Mind centers on a group of therapists and one lawyer “whose personal problems rival those of their eclectic and offbeat patients.” Devon Gummersall, Kevin Chamberlin, Mido Hamada, Derek Riddell and Theresa Randle also star – but with Lili Taylor in the lead, does it really matter who else is in it? As Malinda told me in an email after she watched the pilot, “it seems like something women (and lesbians) will really like: a lot of processing, a lot of emotional drama, and Lili Taylor.” The show premieres on July 15th.

IT’S LIKE A WHO’S WHO OF BRITISH LESBIAN AND BI WOMEN. ALL 16 OF THEM. British newspaper The Independent has just published the 2007 edition of its annual Pink List – a list of the 100 most influential gay people in Britain – and only 16 of the hundred were women. Only 16 percent! At least the recent Out magazine list of the 50 most influential gays and lesbians in America was comprised of 26 percent women (although the actual number still came to only 13).

The entertainment-related women on the list include novelists Sarah Waters and Jeanette Winterson, Shed Productions CEO Eileen Gallagher (who co-created Bad Girls), broadcaster/writer Sandi Toksvig and actresses Fiona Shaw (Petunia Dursley in the Harry Potter movies to most Americans) and Saffron Burrows (Circle of Friends, Time Code and, my personal favorite, the shark-revenge movie Deep Blue Sea), pictured here: Interestingly, the list mentions that openly bisexual Burrows is the “one-time partner of Alan Cumming; current partner of Fiona Shaw.” Saffron and Fiona – who have reportedly lived together in London for a few years now – have kept a fairly low profile as a couple, almost never being photographed together at events, and not commenting publicly on their relationship in interviews, but not exactly hiding their relationship, either. Here’s a rare photo of the two with actress Kathy Najimy at a party in 2004: Burrows is playing bi again in the upcoming movie The Guitar, the story of a woman (Burrows) who is “diagnosed with terminal cancer, fired from her thankless job, and abandoned by her boyfriend. Given two months to live, she blows her savings and maxes out her credit cards to pursue her dreams, which include romance and learning to play the electric guitar,” according to the description on IMDb.

The aforementioned “romance” includes entanglements with both a male UPS driver and a pizza girl played by Paz de la Huerta (A Walk to Remember); here’s a shot of Burrows in the film and a photo of de la Huerta: Interesting premise — I love how the threat of impending death awakens her dormant lesbian desires. As the old saying goes: There are no straight women in foxholes.

A TALE OF TWO TV SHOWS, PART 2 The good news for Blood Ties fans is that Lifetime has picked up nine more episodes of the Christina Cox-led sci-fi series. The bad news is that they won’t air until October – the series will take a break during the summer after Episode 12 (the 13th episode will air with the other nine in the fall).

You can tell a show is a hit when there are multiple fan videos online after only a few episodes have aired.

Yeah, I’m still trying not to be bitter that this ended up in the TV pilot boneyard.

You know what show doesn’t have any fan videos online? Painkiller Jane. Not a great sign. Another bad sign? We’ve decided to stop recapping the show. It’s just too painful to watch anymore, let alone recap. I’d say we’re sorry to see it go, but who are we kidding? The only reason to watch that show is to see Kristanna Loken running around in hot outfits kicking some ass.

But even that’s not worth sitting through lines such as: “You’ve gotta understand by now, you can’t stop fate. No one can. It’s like a living thing. It swallows us all into darkness.” Which sadly, also describes this show.

LESBIANS WALK THE PLANK, PART 2

Next week is the annual upfronts, when the networks (and some cable channels) announce which current shows are being renewed, and which new shows are being picked up for next season. Right now, based on the buzz in the industry, it looks like ABC’s Cashmere Mafia (a drama about four successful female executives, one of whom falls for another woman) is the only new series with a leading lesbian/bi character that’s going to make the cut (there are three other pilots in the running with prominent lesbian/bi characters — Hackett, The Rich Inner Life of Penelope Cloud and Traveling in Packs — but none are looking likely to get picked up). We’ll update you next week, when the announcements are made.

As we’re all painfully aware, there are no current network TV series with regular or recurring lesbian/bi characters. Unless you count the mayor and her partner on Friday Night Lights (which just got renewed – yay!) who pop up for a minute or two every few episodes to cheer at a football game.

Oh well, at least we have Ellen and Rosie to represent lesbians on daytime network TV … Well, we have Ellen, anyway.

DANTE’S COVE – NOW WITH 50% MORE LESBIANS! Out actress Jill Bennett (In Her Line of Fire) has joined the cast of here! TV’s campy supernatural drama Dante’s Cove for its third season, which is slated to air later this year. Bennett takes over for actress Erin Cummings in the role of Michelle, “whose sudden return to Dante’s Cove tests the budding relationship of Brit (Michelle Wolff), the island’s sexy bartender/oceanographer, and Elena (Jenny Shimizu), a newcomer to Dante’s Cove.” That makes three out lesbians in the cast now (Bennett, Shimizu and Wolff), and in a lesbian love triangle no less – we love those!

But can we just stop for a moment and appreciate the ridiculousness of Wolff’s character being a “bartender/oceanographer”? That’s so lesbian. Maybe Jenny’s character will be a daytime talk show host/pirate? Oh wait, Rosie O’Donnell already has that gig.

Here’s a photo of Jill at Dinah Shore last month with Advocate editor-in-chief Anne Stockwell: Anne is another great out lesbian, but she’s not on Dante’s Cove. Yet.

SHE SAID WHAT? Our guest this week is New York’s DJ Storm, who talks about the difference between playing for straight audiences versus gay ones. Check her out at myspace.com/djstormnyc. Next week’s episode of She Said What?, with guest Kate McKinnon from The Big Gay Sketch Show, will be our last episode before we go on a summer hiatus. I know some of you will be bummed not to get new episodes of the show for a few months, but we’ll be back in the fall, hopefully well-rested, rejuvenated and tan. OK, maybe not tan, since we’d prefer not to get skin cancer, and maybe not well-rested, since the last time that happened was 1994, before the internet was invented. But the rejuvenated part should be true!

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! After 13 years, pioneer cable access show for lesbians Dyke TV is shutting its doors due to funding and organizational support issues.

The controversial French Connection TV ad showing two women fighting and then kissing is No. 6 on the list of Britain’s most complained-about ads in 2006.

You only have one day left to bid on a VIP package for the South of Nowhere appreciation conference, which includes a private meet-and-greet with Gabrielle Christian. Cast your bid on eBay now.

Cynthia Nixon will star as a woman with multiple personalities in the season opener of Law and Order: SVU this fall.

Rosie O’Donnell reportedly wants to be the new host of The Price Is Right.

Against all common sense, FX has renewed Dirt, the Courteney Cox drama about life in the sleazy world of tabloid journalism. The network’s other hallmark of good taste, Nip/Tuck, will also be returning in the fall, bringing back perpetually unlucky-in-love Liz (Roma Maffia), now with one less kidney thanks to a lesbian one-night stand gone very, very wrong.

For a good time, don’t forget to check out our frequently updated Video Picks page!

I’ve created a new thread in our forum called “Ask AfterEllen.com” where you can pose those lesbian entertainment-related questions you’ve always wanted to ask us (or have asked us via email, and we just haven’t had time to reply), such as “When is South of Nowhere coming out on DVD?” (never), “How does AfterEllen.com choose which women to interview?” (casting couch) and “How can I buy tupperware from Phranc?” (her website). Just don’t ask us about Scribe Grrrl’s true identity. We’ll never tell.

That’s all for this week! Check back next Friday for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Back to top button