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“Bad Girls” Recaps: Episode 2.03 “Visiting Time”

THIS WEEK’S RAP SHEET:

The absentee: Larkhall just isn’t the same without Miss Stewart. The abused: Shell wants Fenner back, even though the wounds from their last encounter haven’t healed. The agitated: Dominic has had enough of Sylvia’s whining. You and me both, Dom.
A warning – Helen quit at the end of the last episode, remember? That doesn’t bode well for this one. If she can’t get through the front gates, she’ll never make it to the potting shed for a quick feel!

Mail call – Dominic is delivering letters. The two Julies are sad to learn they have no missives; same goes for a crestfallen Zandra. Denny, however, gets some good news:

Denny: [tearing open the letter] Hey, my mum’s comin’ next visitin’. Shell: Bully for you.
Shell is still sporting bruises and cuts from the beating Fenner gave her in the last episode. And that little incident is on everyone’s mind: As Hollamby passes by, Zandra asks whether Fenner has been banged up (locked up) yet. The Julies ruminate to themselves.
Julie J.: We liked Mr. Fenner, didn’t we, Ju? Julie S.: He was always very kind to us, Ju.
Ugh. Really? Can you be that foolish, Julies? It seems so. They tell Shell they lost their favorite screw to her and her lies. (In case you’ve forgotten, a “screw” is just a jailer, not a, er, partner. Except in Shell’s case.) For once, though, Shell’s telling the truth. But you can’t really blame the Julies for suspecting her of spinning another yarn.

Suddenly the camera follows Dominic up the stairs on his delivery route. I guess we’re supposed to be looking at the letters in his hand, but jeez, his butt – sorry, bum – is filling up the whole screen.

He stops to chat with Nikki, whose outlook is as grey as her shirt.

Dominic: You all right, Nikki? Nikki: No. Dominic: Well, I thought you’d be celebrating, now Jim Fenner’s gone. Nikki: Yeah? Maybe I’ll crack the champagne open later.
Dominic, who is less than charmed by her sunny disposition, turns to go. Oh, but wait – he’s turning back around; he’s reaching; he’s – yes! There’s a letter for Nikki!

She’s surprised, and then she practically claws apart the envelope in a rush to see what’s inside. It’s a postcard. She looks at the back first. It says: “Recognise this? H.” On the front is a picture of George Eliot, one of Nikki’s favorite authors (or so it seems). Remember how attracted and awkward Helen was when she caught Nikki reading Silas Marner in her cell?

Yes, this postcard is from Helen. Oh, and there’s a letter in the envelope too! I’m grinning almost as widely as Nikki; you’d think I’d received a telegram from Simone Lahbib or something. It’s embarrassing. But anyway, do you know what this means? Helen has not just ridden off into the sunset: She’s still out there somewhere, thinking of Nikki, keeping the flame alive. And probably journaling and lighting candles and sipping cabernet and listening to Ella Fitzgerald. Oh, wait: I think that was fan fic. Or me, when I was 23 and ridiculously romantic.

The Fenner residence – Fenner is sleeping on the couch. His son asks why, but Mrs. Fenner shoos him away.

Marilyn: I thought I told you not to bother coming home. Jim: Where am I meant to go? I haven’t even got a job anymore.
Did I say I was grinning earlier? Now I’m almost cracking my face open. For me, watching Fenner is the height of schadenfreude. And I like the way you’re scowling at him, Marilyn, as he tries to explain that Shell threw herself at him.
Jim: Most men wouldn’t last a week inside Larkhall. Marilyn: Don’t play the bloody victim.
No, do! Do play the bloody victim. Like, an actual one.

Fenner tries to plead his case more sincerely, saying they can’t just chuck away 12 years of marriage because of “one stupid mistake.” More like one stupid misogynist of a husband.

Stubberfield’s office – Back at Larkhall, Simon is meeting with Karen Betts. He tells her about Helen’s resignation and Jim’s “predicament.”

Simon: I want you to take over. Karen: Me? Wing governor?
Oh, don’t be coy, Karen. You have a very commanding presence, and you know it. But I sort of like you in that uniform, so I’m not sure I want you to get the promotion just yet.
Karen: Well, I hope I can do it. From the little I’ve seen, it’s a bit of a hornet’s nest.
The British capacity for understatement never ceases to amaze me!
Simon: Perhaps now that certain personalities have gone, things should quieten down a little on the wing. Karen: You mean Jim. Simon: Well, actually, I was referring to Helen Stewart.
Gasp! Take that back!

Karen asks why Helen resigned. Simon condescendingly (in other words, in his usual tone) refers to “man management problems.”

Simon: She never really got the support she needed from those below her. But I know you won’t have that problem. Karen: I’ll expect the support of those above me, too.
Heh. Karen’s not easy to fool, Simon. You fool. Room service – The Julies stop by Yvonne’s cell to tidy up. I wonder how much she’s paying them for this little cleaning service? She wouldn’t have to pay me much. Or anything, really.

Yvonne’s been reading the newspaper; there’s an item about a gangster called “Eddie the Drill.” It turns out he’s Julie Johnston’s ex-husband’s dad. Um. Something like that. Anyway, he’s dead, whoever he is.

Denny drops by, curious as always:

Denny: Why was he called Eddie the Drill? Yvonne: Because he was a big DIY enthusiast. Why do you think?
It sounds kind of mean, but Yvonne’s smiling and giggling while she says it, which of course makes Denny grin too. The best part of it is the way Yvonne says “enfusiast.”

Julie S. points out that Julie J.’s kids will probably come over from America in order to go to their grandfather’s funeral. Julie J. doubts their dad will let them visit her in prison, which shocks Yvonne.

Yvonne: No decent father is gonna stop these kids from seeing their mum. Julie J.: Yeah, well, he’s got a court order against me. Yvonne: What a horrible sod.
Julie J. says she doesn’t even know what her kids look like anymore. Yvonne seems to be taking this all to heart. I love the way you can see the wheels start to spin in her conniving little head. Why do I find that so sexy?

By the way, it seems Julie J.’s real surname isn’t Johnston at all: It’s Dawson.

The wing office – Dom is meeting a new prison officer: Di Barker. She’s a transfer from H-Wing and is Jim’s replacement. Hmm, H-Wing. I wonder how many wings there are? I think I’d like to be on X-Wing. Because I’m a complete geek.

Dominic introduces Di to Sylvia.

Sylvia: Welcome to the madhouse. The natives are restless out there. Dominic: I’m not surprised, after what Jim did. Sylvia: There was a time when a prison officer was given the benefit of the doubt. Especially from his colleagues.
Yeah, and there was probably also a time when prison officers were assumed to have the ability to keep their trousers zipped and their heads out of their asses.

Dom says he was never comfortable with the whole Jim-Shell situation. Karen joins in the fray, only to have Hollamby accuse her of “snitching.”

Karen: Snitching?! It was a serious assault.
Hollamby just keeps rambling about the dire state of things until Simon stops by to talk them all down. Or, rather, talk down to them. He shares the news about Helen, which only makes Sylvia smirk. But her smirk turns to shock when Simon says that Karen will be taking Helen’s place.
Sylvia: [in Di’s ear] A madhouse.
Don’t ally yourself with that one, Di. She’s the chief loony!

Plotting – Maybe Yvonne won’t have to help the Julies this time: They’re already devising plans of their own. Julie S. suggests that Julie J. go to Eddie the Drill’s funeral, just to see her kids. It seems there’s a thing called a “compassionate license” for this kind of temporary release. They intend to submit an application to the most compassionate guard – that would be Dom.

Julie S. says Julie J. will have to look really sad about the demise of Eddie the Drill. But Julie J. isn’t sad in the slightest and can’t seem to make herself cry. So Julie S. slices an onion and makes Julie J. sniff it – all to no avail. Jeez, if I did that, I could convincingly cry for my worst enemy. I’d be sobbing for Fenner!

Julie S. has one more idea. She tells Julie J. to close her eyes. And then Julie S. grabs a bottle of lemon juice.

Julie S.: Open ’em!
She squirts the lemon juice into Julie J.’s eyes. The resulting shrieks are hilariously horrible. Speaking of an affront to the eyes – Jim is hanging around the house in his favorite beige striped polo and grey sweats. It’s just gross. He announces that he’s decided to fight the system and get his job back. Marilyn’s not exactly sympathetic. Neither is the policeman at the door.

No apologies – Karen gives a little speech to the prison officers, making it clear that she’s committed to her new job.

Karen: I’m not someone who’s soft on inmates, but I will not tolerate lazy, negative officers, either. [looking at Sylvia] Oh, and one other thing. If you’ve got a problem, tell me to my face, OK?
Nice. Di and Dom think so, too, but Hollamby just keeps on grousing.

More deliveries – It seems the lingerie wasn’t enough for Yvonne. Now she wants Denny to ask Josh (the maintenance guy) to smuggle in her favorite heart pendant from Tiffany. OK, but only if you promise to keep wearing those tight pants, Yvonne. You’re so trashtastic.

Crocodile tears – The two Julies present their case to Dominic and Di. Dom is a little suspicious, and Di just wants to play by the rules: Compassionate license is only for blood relatives. Julie J. looks as if she’d like to show Di what blood really is.

An interrogation – Two police officers try to extract the truth from a natural liar. Jim insists he only took “evasive action” with Shell. As he escorts them out, Jim does the friendly average guy routine with them, prompting Marilyn to say, “Oh, very pally.”

Jim: I’m facing assault charges. Do you know what it’s like for an ex-screw in prison?
I can only – happily – imagine.

Unfair – As the inmates sit down to eat, Julie J. grumbles that she just wants to see her kids for half an hour.

Shell: Tell me about it. I wanted to go and have me bellybutton pierced. They wouldn’t have it. Julie S.: Shut yer face, you heartless bitch!
Julie S. is wearing a Hello Kitty T-shirt as she says this. You gotta love the Julies.

Things get a little nasty; Shell ends up waggling a plastic knife in Julie S.’s face, threatening to cut her nose off. Yvonne sits down next to Shell and dares her to try it.

Julie S.: No one’s scared o’ you no more, Dockley. Not now loverboy’s gone. You’re just one of us now.
This seems to truly terrify Shell. One of us! One of us! The broken Fenner home – Jim is making his wife write a letter to Shell. It’s bad enough she has to hang around with you in your sweatpants; now she has to do your dirty work, too? I don’t even know what the point is. As usual. But I will say that Marilyn appears to have very nice penmanship.

Making arrangements – Denny asks Josh to smuggle Yvonne’s necklace in. Well, not “asks,” exactly; there will be money in it for him again. But he’s more interested in love than money: He perks up as Crystal walks by. So does Denny, because Crystal is carrying a giant bag of tea bags – and I do mean giant. How much tea can they really drink?! Are they planning to dump it in a harbor instead?

Denny: Yo, Crystal. Give us some of them tea bags. Crystal: Why? So you can sell ’em on to buy drugs with? Denny: No, so I can make a cup o’ tea. Bitch.
Heh. Crystal refuses and continues on her merry way.
Josh: Who’s she? Denny: Ah, forget it, man. She’s in love with Jesus.
The Julies v. Hollamby, round one – The Julies are mopping the floor rather half-heartedly. Sylvia strolls by and tells them to hurry up or she’ll put them on report. As she leaves, she slips in a banana-peel sort of way (you can almost hear the cartoon noises), which elicits giggles from the various bystanders.
Julie J.: Serves you bloody right. Hollamby: What did you say, madam? Julie S.: She didn’t say nothing, Miss. Julie J.: I said it serves you bloody right. [shouting] You dried-up old bag!
Julie J. kicks the soap bucket at Hollamby. Julie S. is just shocked; so is Hollamby, but not too shocked to grab Julie J. and shove her into her cell to wait for her adjudication. Julie J. bursts into tears. Aw.

That was sort of weird; I mean, I get that Julie J. is missing her kids, but she doesn’t seem to have a violent bone in her body. On the other hand, I’m sure Hollamby can really bring that out in people.

Denny shows up and asks Shell what happened. Shell gives her the abbreviated version, but would rather (surprise, surprise) talk about herself.

Shell: I got a little something in the post this morning. Guess who from? Denny: [shrugging] I don’t know.
I love the way Denny’s so literal and sincere, even though she’s constantly surrounded by taunts and sarcasm.
Shell: Mother-friggin’ guess! Denny: I can’t.
This is making me giggle.
Shell: I’ll give you a clue. “Dear Miss Dockley, I’m writing because I want you to know the true extent of the pain and misery you have caused me. ” Denny: Millions of people coulda wrote that, Shell.
Heh. Shell finally reveals that the letter is from Mrs. Fenner, and happily reads the part that says Fenner is in love with Shell now. She actually believes that, and she’s actually excited about it. Denny, of course, is skeptical and gives Shell an aren’t-you-pathetic look. This is what Shell doesn’t realize about Denny: She’s smart when it comes to things that matter.

Denny points out that it doesn’t matter whether Fenner loves Shell or not, now that he’s not even working at Larkhall. The music swells as Shell confronts this harsh truth. Wow, there’s a lot of false drama in this episode, isn’t there? This is what happens when the Helen-Nikki story line takes a vacation.

The Fenner fiasco – Jim has just spoken with Simon. It seems the powers that be are siding with Shell.

Jim: Why isn’t the little bitch playing ball? She must have got that letter by now. Marilyn: [sarcastically] Oh, dear. Maybe she’s not as in love with you as you think she is.
Jim says Marilyn will just have to write another letter.
Jim: There’s no way I’m going under for that little bitch.
That is not the right nickname for Shell, Jim. Well, the B word makes sense, but not the “little.” Shell is definitely larger than life. I think I’d go with a nickname like Enormous Shrewy Scary Beastie.

The doorbell rings. It’s Sylvia. Now there’s a little bitch. Or a Miniature Shrewy Scary Beastie.

Taking stock – Shell and Denny are sitting on the steps, reflecting and reminiscing.

Shell: I always knew me and Jim was special. Denny: Is that why he beat the s— out of you?
See? Den = smart. She tells Shell to find herself a new screw. She sort of spits that, as if she’s also telling Shell to find herself a new co-conspirator. Or so I hope.

Giving up – Through the cell door, Julie S. tells Julie J. she misses her. But Julie J. is too mopey and cranky to care. Yvonne wanders by, so Julie S. tells her things are looking dire, and all because Julie J. can’t see her kids – who are now only a bus ride away.

Yvonne: It’s a crime. I tell ya, if someone stopped me seeing my kids …
I think the end of that sentence probably involves dismemberment. By the way, Yvonne: nice jacket. Again. Conspiring – Over tea, Sylvia tell the Fenners that if it were up to her, all the other prison officers would be on strike in support of Jim. And she shares the news about the transfer of the G-Wing governorship. Jim just sighs.

Another kind of conspiring – Yvonne calls her husband, Charlie. She asks whether he’s going to Eddie the Drill’s funeral.

Yvonne: There’s a really big favor I want you to do for me.
I should make a CD of that line and put it in my alarm clock. Only it would probably send me right into a dream.

Still plotting – Fenner calls Karen a “sly bitch” for taking the governor job. You need a new vocabulary, Jim. It seems to be woefully limited.

Sylvia says she just wishes she could help in some way, so Fenner gives her a job: Take a letter in to Shell. Sylvia actually resists, calling it “highly irregular,” but then she relents.

Fenner: [evilly] Can you imagine what Betts would do if she saw me walk back on that wing? Huh? Hollamby: [cackle cackle muahahahaha]
Marilyn just shakes her head. I’d be throwing salt over my shoulder if I were you, Marilyn. There are some demons in the room.

Fixing it – Yvonne tells Julie S. that she’s “fixed it” so that Julie J. will be able to see her kids on the next visiting day. Nikki (where have you been?!) comes down the stairs just in time to hear the news.

Yvonne: Oy, don’t go broadcasting it. My Lauren’s taking a risk here.
That’s right: Yvonne’s daughter, Lauren, is going to bring the kids in. Nikki thinks this is a bad idea. I take it you haven’t seen Lauren, Nikki? She’s pretty hot.

I’ve just noticed that Yvonne seems to have a cold. It’s kind of a good thing; it lends a little husk to her voice. Anyway, the plan is that Lauren will go to Eddie the Drill’s funeral and ask Julie J.’s kids if they want to go see their mum. Yvonne concedes that if they don’t really want to see her, there’s nothing she can do.

Yvonne: Listen, I’m trying to do your pal a favor here. You wanna forget it, you just say the word.
Yvonne and Nikki stare each other down for a moment. But they also seem to respect each other at this point, so nothing happens. Even though Yvonne’s wearing a weird shirt with a wolf on it.

Speedy delivery – Hollamby tucks the letter from Jim behind the mirror in Shell’s cell. Uh, maybe it would be smarter to actually put it in her hand, Syl?

Meanwhile, Julie S. slips the visiting order (for Lauren) through the peephole of Julie J.’s cell. Julie J. is confused at first, but then excited about the prospect of seeing her kids.

The wing office – Dominic and Hollamby discuss Fenner’s plight. Hollamby insists that there’s no hope for Jim as long as Karen’s in charge.

Dominic: Why don’t you stop bitchin’? That’s all you bloody do.
Whoa! You’ve actually made Dominic use a bad word, Sylvia! That’s how you know you’ve hit rock bottom. That boy is far too nice to do such a thing casually.

And Dom doesn’t stop there: He gives a little speech about how “bent officers” ruin the Prison Service. Hollamby starts to answer back, but he gives her a look that makes her shut up. Di Barker, who has been caught in the crossfire, asks if anyone wants a cuppa. Come on, don’t interrupt – I want to see a Dominic-Sylvia smackdown! My money’s on the biker boy.

Two kinds of mothers – Julie J. is escorted to her adjudication. Denny and Shell provide the color commentary; Denny thinks it’s terrible, while Shell thinks Julie J. “ain’t right in the head.”

Julie S.: She ain’t seen her kids for over a year. That sorta thing wouldn’t bother you, ’cause you’re weird.
It’s hard to explain why, but coming from Julie S., that sounds like the biggest insult in the world. Shell says she doesn’t see her kids because she doesn’t want them to see her in prison, and at least there’s no court order against her like there is against Julie J.
Julie S.: I’ll swing for you one of these days. I swear.
I love that “I’ll swing for you” expression. It’s sort of the opposite of “I’ll tumble 4 ya.”

Denny and Shell go to Shell’s cell, where Denny finds the letter.

Shell: It’s from Jim! Denny: Bleedin’ hell.
It’s a very gushy love letter. Denny scowls while Shell reads it.
Denny: He wants you to get him his job back. It’s obvious. Shell: He wants me back. That’s what’s bleedin’ obvious. Denny: So he can slap you about again?
Right. On. Denny. Shell should be thrilled she has you in her corner, but of course she can’t even see that she does.
Shell: He misses me. And I miss him. We belong together.
Yep. Just like slime and, uh … more slime.

High fashion – Julie J. has survived her adjudication. She thanks Yvonne for making it possible for her kids to visit. Julie S. asks her what she’s going to wear for the visit, prompting Julie J. to retrieve a frightening, lime-green, frilly shirt from her cell.

Yvonne shakes with silent laughter while Julie S. tries to find a tactful way to give her opinion. I do love these moments of comic relief!

Shell’s story – In Simon’s office, Shell claims that everything she said about Jim was a lie. She says she made a pass at him, and he rejected her, so she attacked him. Karen, who is looking very foxy in her suit, doesn’t buy a word of it.

Karen: What made you decide to come in here and tell the “truth”?
Shell claims Karen put the whole idea in her head in the first place by asking her whether an officer had hurt her. Karen, you’re going to sprain your eyes if you keep rolling them so vehemently.
Karen: I didn’t tell you to lie!
Simon asks Dominic (who has been standing by, looking confused) to escort Shell back to her cell. Karen looks like she’d like to go along and give Shell a choice word or two. After Shell leaves, Karen tells Simon that Jim must have “got to” Shell somehow. Simon, as usual, is on Jim’s side.
Simon: She wouldn’t be the first prisoner to launch a vendetta against an officer.
He suggests that maybe Karen unintentionally coerced Shell. Simon, you are the definition of smug and priggish. You’re a fop, a stuffed shirt and a bore. Not to mention a sexist, dyspeptic jerk.

Karen knows this and asks for a full internal inquiry, but Simon says that’s costly and pointless. All Karen can do is sigh and shake her head. Doesn’t Karen seem like the sort of person who would go to the shooting range or a strip club after work to blow off a little steam? Wait: Do they even have gun ranges in the U.K.? I suspect they’re more evolved. But if they had them, Karen would totally be on board.

Various arrivals – Fenner is back. Noooooooooo!

As he saunters in, the inmates queue up for visiting day. Denny shows off her new shirt. It’s a tight, light-blue polo.

Yvonne: Ooh, very nice. Bet your mum’ll like that as well.
Preferably not in the same way I like it.

Josh (the maintenance guy – I have to keep saying this because I assume everyone finds him as forgettable as I do) sees Crystal. She’s just hanging out, reading her Bible. He tries to chat her up.

Josh: I’m Josh, by the way. Crystal: Well, bye, Josh.
Snicker. But Josh has something else to do, anyway; he has to meet Yvonne’s daughter, Lauren, outside. She gives him some money (presumably for Yvonne’s necklace) and then escorts Julie J.’s kids, Rhiannon and Martin, inside to see their mum.

She is thrilled to see them, but they are uncertain at best. They just sort of stare at her as she tells them how gorgeous they are. Martin is a Pugsley-esque little kid, while Rhiannon sort of resembles Rachel Hicks. Martin finally speaks up a little; he asks about life in prison and whether there are rats. Julie J. says it’s not as bad as it seems.

Meanwhile, Denny’s mother has yet to make an appearance. Hollamby tries to move Denny over to the wall of people who have no visitors, but Denny refuses.

Denny: I said sod off!
Di Barker shows up and talks Denny down. Di clearly likes to take a kinder, gentler approach and isn’t fond of Hollamby. Denny lets Di escort her back to her cell.

Simon’s office – Jim, Simon and Karen meet to discuss Jim’s fate. Jim and Simon are all chummy, while Karen is skeptical. She tells Jim not to put himself in a position where he’ll be made a fool of again, and suggests that he be moved to another wing. Jim thinks that would amount to an admission that something went wrong, which is code for “I need to be near Shell because that’s the only reason I’m here.” Simon takes Jim’s side again and lets him stay on G-Wing.

As they leave, Jim congratulates Karen on her promotion in that smarmy, fake way he has. Karen just scoffs and walks on by.

Mummy dearest – Martin and Rhiannon want to know whether their mother is really a prostitute. Julie J. can’t lie, so she starts to make excuses.

Julie J.: If your dad had looked after us properly in the first place …
Martin and Rhiannon just look away. Julie J. insists she’s not a bad mother, and her kids ultimately agree. Nearby, Hollamby wonders what’s going on; she knows Julie J. is banned from seeing her kids. She marches right over and demands an explanation.
Yvonne: Leave ’em alone, ya fat cow. Julie J.: Please let them stay till the end, Mrs. Hollamby.
But Hollamby obeys the letter of the law and escorts the kids out – more like tears them away from their mother. Everyone starts shouting. It seems like a lot of scenes end that way, doesn’t it?

The return – Fenner chooses his first victim.

Fenner: Hello, Nikki.

Nikki: How the hell did you wangle your way back in? Fenner: Did you miss me? Nikki: Oh, I get it. There’s been a cover-up. I might have known. Fenner: Shut it, Wade. You’re not teacher’s pet anymore, now your little Miss Stewart’s gone. So you’d better keep that [touching her nose] nice and clean.

Nikki just walks away, probably in an effort to keep herself from clawing his eyes out.

Dominic confronts Sylvia about the Julie J. thing. Sylvia expects Dominic to behave himself now that Jim is back, “totally vindicated.” Nearby, Fenner watches and smirks. But he looks a little scared when Shell sidles up and reminds him that she’s the one who got him his job back. He says nobody believed her anyway.

Shell: You do love me, don’t you, Jim?
Ugh. Where’s Julie J. with that bucket and mop? I’m going to hurl any second now. Fenner reassures Shell and tells her they just have to be careful. All I want to know is why he’s able to return so soon while Helen is still out there somewhere, pining for Nikki?

That’s what all the inmates are wondering too, as they watch and glare from afar. They also talk about how evil Hollamby is.

Nikki: Yeah, now that Fenner’s back, they’re untouchable, the lot of them. Yvonne: Oh, I dunno about that. There are ways and means to get back at ’em.
If you’re the will, Yvonne, there’s a way!

Julie J. goes into her cell and sobs about her lost children. I want to feel sorry for her, but that is some really inauthentic crying. It almost seems like Julie S. is about to crack up.

Same as it ever was — Jim goes to Shell’s cell and kisses her disgustingly. But then he stops, saying he has to break it off because Shell could blackmail him with that letter he sent her. So she plays right into his hands and gives him the letter. He also finds the letter from Marilyn.

Shell: How’d you know she wrote to me? Jim: ‘Cause I told her what to write. Shell: I don’t understand. Jim: Oh, I think you do. Do you really think I’d leave my wife for a little slut like you? Shell: You bastard!
Shell threatens to go straight to Simon, but Jim says he’ll never believe her. He puts Shell in a chokehold and tells her to be on her best behavior.

As Jim leaves Shell’s cell, Karen passes by, frowning and waiting to pounce. She asks to have a word with him in her office.

Jim: Sure. Don’t you wanna check Dockley’s still alive first?
So she does check. Karen asks Shell if everything is all right, and Shell says it is. Karen doesn’t believe her, and tells Jim so when she gets to her office.
Karen: I know you hit Dockley. And somehow, I dunno how, you got to her.
She tells Jim to consider applying for a transfer.
Karen: I don’t want you on my wing. I don’t trust you. Jim: Well, that’s a shame. ‘Cause I’m staying put. Karen: In that case, you’d better hang on tight. You’re in for a rough ride.
Woohoo! I still prefer the wing governor with the Scottish accent, but this one’s OK too.

Coming apart at the seams — Denny finds Shell in her cell and asks her what’s wrong. Shell is pulling her hair out and murmuring, “He conned me.” Just when you thought she couldn’t be more crazy.

The Julies v. Hollamby, round two — Yvonne is helping the Julies polish the stairs. And by “helping,” I mean instructing; she wants to make sure the polish is nice and thick. Nikki, Zandra and Crystal look on.

Hollamby walks right into their trap. She climbs up the stairs and promptly trips. Nikki catches her, but then they all crowd around her, feigning concern. It’s actually kinda scary — especially after they push Sylvia down the stairs and stare down at her unconscious body without an ounce of sympathy on their faces. That’ll teach you, Bodybag.

NEXT TIME ON BAD GIRLS: Sylvia’s alive and grumbling; Denny worries about her mum; Josh continues to flirt with Crystal.

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