“Grey’s Anatomy” recap: “Idle Hands” (9.18)

This week’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy is called “Idle Hands” although Calzona’s hands are all over each other. FINALLY! 

That’s right, Calzona finally has sex for the first time since the plane crash. The entire episode should have been devoted to this storyline but I guess I shouldn’t be selfish so let’s discuss what else happened at Seattle Grace, err, I mean Grey Sloan Memorial, shall we?

The new owners of the hospital (Cristina, Meredith, Derek, Callie, Arizona and Avery) are finally getting into the groove of things. One of the first additions to the hospital is a Lodox machine, which is a low-radiation full body x-ray scanner that works in only 13 seconds. Everyone wants to try out this new toy but alas they have to wait for someone who really needs it. Which should be easy since this is a hospital, but it’s not. So as the Lodox collects dust Arizona shows off her new prosthetic leg that allows her to wear high heels to work. Callie is freaking out and encourages everyone to look at her wife’s ass. (This would not happen in my world.)

Meredith is paranoid that something is wrong with her baby. She rattles off every illness the baby could possibly have including blindness and/or having extra or missing limbs. (Dear Meredith, The fetus inside your womb can hear what you’re saying. Talk about something uplifting! Love, Bridget.)

Meredith whines, “If anybody’s going to have a baby with two heads, three arms, and 11 toes, it’s going to be me.” Is anyone else wondering where Zola is? They don’t have to show her on screen but at least her parents should call out her name once and a while so we know she’s still alive.

Cristina brags about the hospital’s new found success. She shows off a magazine referring to the new hospital as  a “cutting edge, research-oriented hospital with an advanced level one trauma center” but two seconds later she finds out one of her ex-classmates (who of course paled in comparison to Cristina’s talent) is thriving professionally. Oh now it’s on! No one is allowed to do anything better than Dr. Cristina Yang!

Alex and Jo are tending to a young cancer patient this week and just like Alex, this kid hates Jo’s new boyfriend too. Alex and his patient team up to play tricks on Jo’s man and force him to run around the hospital like a chicken with his head cut off. (They even convince him to give Bailey a urine sample, and Bailey was not in on the joke.) Eventually Jo’s boyfriend figures it out their prank and says this crass statement to Alex, “You two kids have fun laughing about it later while I’m nailing Jo in the bathroom at the bar.” What a gentleman!

Meanwhile, Bailey spends the entire show pitching her genome lab idea hoping that one of the new owners will fund it. Even though she is initially blown off by all of the owners Bailey keeps pushing for her lab.

Cristina is trying to one-up her ex-colleagues when Dr. Russell appears, so it’s easy for him to woo her with his new cutting edge cardio trial. Cristina loves teaming up with Dr. Russell, but we soon find out that he doesn’t want to work with Cristina. He only included her on his surgery to bait her into funding his $12 million trial. Cristina feels used, but since she is one of the hospital’s owners she turns around and cuts Dr. Russell’s funding instead. Now Dr. Russell will have to work with Cristina because his new budget will force him to lose two residents and two research assistants. Cristina assures him, “I am the best four people you will ever have working for you. I will treat your patients, take your surgeries and assist in research including projects I find on my own.”

And since Cristina cut Dr. Russell’s funding, there is now extra money for Bailey’s genome lab. Callie delivers the good news to Bailey and look at how she reacted below. I love her!

April is still moaning about her virginity or lack there of. Every medical conversation she’s apart of somehow becomes an analogy for her sex life (or non-existent sex life since her boyfriend is a virgin and wants to save himself for marriage.) April’s sex storyline bores me. Does anyone else feel the same?

Derek once again is paired with intern Shane as these two operate on a young woman’s brain. Shane has to deliver updates to the women’s distraught and explosive father. (Security should have escorted this maniac out of the building after his first outburst.) The patient survives the surgery but that doesn’t stop her father from physically attacking Shane. Luckily Derek steps in and pushes the man back until he actually comprehends the good news that his daughter is alive. The man breaks down in tears and Shane takes a breathe of relief.

Back at the Calzona camp, these two have had a tumultuous day. Earlier, Arizona had announced that tonight would be the night to finally have sex. Callie was on cloud nine until she realized that Arizona was in pain all day and assumed that her wife would no longer be in the mood to be intimate. Callie voiced her frustration and walked off, but she returned later and helped Arizona remove her new prosthetic and massaged her painful leg. This act not only made Arizona feel physically better but it brought the two women closer.

After a long day Callie walks into her bedroom and finds her scantly clad wife laid out of the bed. Bow chicka wow wow! We see Calzona start to kiss and play touchy feely and then — we are taken to Derek and Meredith as she gets a sonogram. I don’t mean to be a pervert but I wanted to see more Calzona sex!

OK, I’ll get over it. As Meredith and Derek look at their healthy fetus in the sonogram they count the baby’s fingers and toes and discover that the baby is a boy. Boy or not, I bet Meredith will try to name the baby “Cristina.”

What did you think of this week’s episode? 

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