Before we get into it, I’ll tell you straight up: this episode of the The Good Wife was compelling in a sleuth-y lawyer-y type of way, but it was one of the least queer episodes I’ve seen in a while. No kickass female guest stars, no advancement of Kalinda and Cary, and no Kalinda-Alicia time. Although the last one should be a given, as they apparently hardly speak to each other anymore, let alone share sexy drinks at the bar. We just get lots of rich white people cheating on each other and getting themselves all killed and shit, storylines I never, ever see on my TV!
We also get the return of Lex Luther, and Alicia in a damn foxy red dress. Okay, so both of those are good. The foxy red dress is really, really good. And Lex Luther isn’t necessarily good, of course, but man, is that guy a creep, and a good creep is fun to hate!
So let’s begin. Here’s the upside of our opening sequence this week: Andrew Bird is playing in the background, and Andrew Bird is the best! Have you ever seen him in concert? He does all these things with looping, and the most impressive whistling, and…right, the rest of the opening is a bummer. We get to see a dead guy, election results coming in with Peter and Maddie neck in neck, and Zac making out with some girl who I guess is his girlfriend. I hate when we have to pretend to care about the kids! Not that I hate children as a whole or anything, but they are so flimsily developed that anytime they come on screen I feel like I’m being forced to watch two-dimensional paper dolls, just waiting until they blow away.
Luckily, Alicia arrives home to keep a monitoring eye on Zac and his lady friend for approximately 30 seconds before a call whisks her away from home again. Phew! You can go back to making out now, kids! Mom has to go comfort the wife of a judge, the judge being the dead guy we saw in the opening sequence. He’s been killed in a car accident, and the insurance lawyer’s being a real dick about releasing their life insurance money. Since the car accident was a result of recklessness (supposedly), which isn’t covered under their policy, Jerk Insurance Lawyer says he’ll only release 10% of the $2 million policy. Alicia replies, “Nope!” And we’re whisked into the chilly basement of the morgue to start an inquest with the coroner to determine the cause of death.
When I hear the word inquest, I think of people rushing into battle on horseback with swords and lots of pigheaded valor and stuff, but I guess that’s an inquisition and an inquest really is just talking about dead people. So, that’s a bit of a disappointment.
In the Lockhart Gardner offices, Cary is called into Will and Diane’s office for some hearty congratulations, as Cary has single handedly brought in a huge account to the firm! An account Cary clearly has absolutely no idea about whatsoever! But hey, he thinks, maybe I’m just more awesome than I even knew! The client’s waiting in his office for him! Gee golly, he says; thanks, guys! He walks to his office, feeling pretty good about this strange turn of karma, and, alas. Turns out this mystery client is just plain old Lex Luther, otherwise known as Dad.
Dad is apparently now lobbying for this big pharmaceutical company and he wants Cary and Lockhart Gardner to help them with some relatively stupid political move, because big pharmaceutical companies are the worst. He also apologizes for being so manipulative and horrible to him last time they met, in less words; Cary says sure, OK, whatever. So the question is, just how badly will Lex screw him over THIS time? I think of Cary’s dad as the ultimate Internet troll, attempting to look all intentional and Like a Real Person on the outside, while inside, they are full of nothing but poison and rot. And I’m sure it will be no different this time.
We also soon learn that Peter Florrick has indeed beat out Maddie Hayward in the Democratic bid for governor, so Eli gets to do his little Rejoicing Eli Dance, with his trademark Really Smug Face. He also tells Peter over the phone that now they can actually get rid of that pesky Jordan fellow. Peter obviously must tell him he doesn’t agree; Eli says, “Look, if you want this relationship to work, you need to take my emotions seriously. Do you care about me at all? He doesn’t even love you like I do!” Jordan then sneaks up behind him and embraces him for the briefest, best awkward hug.