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“Lost Girl” Recap (3.07): Home Is Where the Monstrous Heart Is

Bo is having some invisible threshold problems, which — come on — haven’t we all? Though our invisible thresholds might be a little more figurative and Bo’s is a little more literal. Like an actual invisible threshold that keeps knocking her on her very real ass.

Trick is trying to help her focus on the now to get ready for The Dawning. It’s a rite of passage for all Fae a bit like adolescence, but with more at stake than just really embarrassing yearbook pictures and bad prom dates. But like adolescence all she has to do to conquer it is shift consciousness and achieve an effortless merging of action and awareness. You know, like popping your first zit.

Meanwhile, on an idyllic country road a couple has encountered car trouble and the call of nature simultaneously. While he fiddles with a tire, she finds cover in the bushes. And then the beautiful sunny day turns all Twister and a creepy looking ghost lady emerges and then the tire isn’t the only thing flat under that car. This looks like a job for — cue the ah-ah-ahs.

Of course, first our Lost Girl has to stop devolving and cross the invisible threshold. Which will not be easy because a) she is still unaligned, b) she is a succubi and they take more training c) she is extra special which means her devolution would be extra spectacular. Like horns and feasting on raw flesh spectacular.

Never fear, it was just a terrible dream. One Bo is awoken from, to meet her lodestar, Stella, who will help guide her through The Dawning. Stella reads her tea leaves — no, really — and talks about rage and regret. In the end, as any Psych 101 student can tell you, it boils down to mommy issues and Bo has to confront the one who made her (though not biologically, those two worked things out with some good old-fashioned hand-to-hand combat) and take a trip down memory lane.

Except she super duper doesn’t wanna. Because her mom was the Fred Phelps of mothers who disowned her, called her the devil and pretty much slut shamed a young Bo-Bo into running away and never looking back. Back at her place, Bo asks Lauren for some of her “patented nerdness right now” to help alleviate the sting of what she must do. Lauren obliges, but first she has to put away the iPad she’s been using in bed to Google Bo’s hometown. You ask for patented nerdness, you get patented nerdness.

But, alas, even Lauren’s nerdness cannot trump Bo’s Faeness. And she tells her girlfriend she understands why she left. But going back could be her only hope to not turn into a caged underfae with bad dining habits. Looking into those big, soft brown eyes Bo knows too. Five hour drive and all, she’s gotta meet her mama. Lauren offers to go with her, but Bo asks her to stay behind and do some “hard core doctoring” for her. Man, I wish that was as dirty as it sounds.

Lauren immediately knows Bo is taking Kenzi, and asks about her Kitsune experience. Specifically, why she was targeted. And here the furrowed brows come. Because while Bo doesn’t know, she does know it has something to do with the Norn. And that’s something she doesn’t pass on to Lauren.

Lauren, however, passes something on to Bo. Something out of her big black metal doctor’s case (the high-tech equivalent of the old leather doctor’s satchel) which she has conveniently next to the bed (patented nerdness is so handy). It’s three injections Bo can give herself to momentarily slow down her underfae tendencies. But they’re only for emergency use because, like heroin and White Castle hamburgers, each subsequent one will give a less satisfactory result. Something that gives a more satisfactory result with each subsequent one, however, is kisses and Lauren and Bo share one before she leaves to address her mommy issues.

Back at the Dal, Dyson storms in talking about his Big Wolf Feelings and how he can’t lose Bo. Dude, you don’t have Bo. But the good news is he knows that. But Trick, well, gramps is a little less clear on the concept. In fact, he’s trumpeting on about how as a human Lauren won’t be around long. Is it just me or has Trick been particularly speciesist this season? Repeat after me, sir: “Humans are friends, not food — or temporary annoyances who will thankfully die soon and make way for the real Fae love connections.”

Dyson respectfully says he knows Bo has Lauren now and vows to not interfere. But he also says his feelings will never go away and he’s in it for the long-term. Which is fine, there’s no way this show can go on for 200 years.

Our besties make like Jack Kerouac and go on the road, on what looks suspiciously similar to that idyllic road from earlier, what with sunbathed yellow fields and gently blowing reeds. Really, isn’t the cinematography and color saturation on this show just lovely?

Once in Grimley County, they stop for gas and run into a country folk of the bumpkin and former friend of Bo — or should we call her Beth — variety. It’s Dougie, who tells them about the pie-off at the Cherry Blossom Festival and the string of bad luck the town’s had since Bo left including the recent death of her former classmate (i.e. Mr. Flat Who Went Splat). All Kenzi hears is “pies” followed by the words “get in my belly.” When it comes to food, The Kenz is definitely my spirit animal.

But before Kenzi can go put them in her piehole, Bo has to open her piehole and confront her mother. In front of the house she starts going on and on about how her mom taught her she was evil and she hates being the bigger person. Kenzi decides to ass-provise and promptly sticks Bo in hers with one of the injections. Come on, girl, you can’t tell the difference between a regular-grade my mom is a monster fit and a super-sized I’m devolving into a real monster fit?

Speaking of monsters, it’s time to meet Bo’s. Bo walks onto her front porch and a kind-looking woman envelops her in a hug and then bakes her a pie. Monster! Horror! Diablo! Doesn’t she know sugar kills? But this sweet lady isn’t really herself, as the whole shelf full of prescription medications attest. And she can’t really remember why Bo left, on account of the dementia. Well, good thing she has a Bo shrine up in her dining room to at least remind her who her daughter is.

The sweet she-devil sends them packing off to the Cherry Festival for some wholesome fun, but not until they change into some of Bo’s old dresses and sensible footwear. Well, at least now Kenzi sees the kind of monster they’re really dealing with. No one messes with The Kenz’s kinky boots. Or makes her wear white.

At the festival it’s all pit-spitting contests and double Dutch games until they run into an old school rival of Bo’s. Bo beat her three years in a row for Miss Cherry Blossom. She lives in Chicago now, dresses in black pantsuits and generally hates everything. Charming girl.

Speaking of charming, Mama Dennis is hanging laundry when the girls return. She’s all sweetness and light until the sky goes gray again and the creepy ghost lady — this time sporting a handy sickle — re-emerges and takes a swing at them. This sends Bo’s mom into a righteous fit screaming about fornication and casting her out. p.s. The symbolism of Bo’s mother’s puritanical views on sex, juxtaposed with a town that celebrates the cherry, is not lost on me.

Her mother’s bigoted judgment sends Bo into a shame spiral and she screeches off in the convertible leaving Kenzi to figure out what attacked them besides religious fanaticism. Thanks to different kinds of good books, Trick and Kenzi deduce they’re dealing with Po?udnica, or Lady Polly. She is an underfae who strikes at midday and causes fatal accidents. And in Eastern European lore is the personification of sunstroke. Research on this show must be so fun.

Kenzi finds Bo hitting the cherry wine and slut shaming herself. And then her baser instincts really take over and her eyes go blue. Someone is hungry for more than just a slice of juicy cherry pie. Much, much more. Hey, Kenz, this would be the time to ass-provise. And she does. Now that’s how you turn those blue eyes brown.

Bo remembers back in high school when Dougie was in his occult phase (complete with guyliner) that he led a bunch of them in a séance to connect with Lady Polly. And later that night the well house burned down and voila — that’s how we got our monster of the week. They try to gather up the remaining classmates only to find Ms. Chicago choked on a cherry pit. Dougie then admits he’s the one who caused the fire and released Lady Polly, yet another reason to never teach anyone how to Dougie.

Just then “Seniorita Shitstorm” reappears and they run through the field because nothing bad ever happens in them. They all meet up at the well and it’s time to finally have it out with Polly. Dougie is wracked with guilt but Bo says he was just young and not responsible for the monster before them. Gee, this moral sounds really apropos. So now it’s time for Bo to ass-provise and she sticks Lady Gray Skies with the injection, slowing her enough to go all The Ring on her ass and send her back to the watery depths.

After that there’s just one stop left on Old Home Week and it’s back home. Bo sits her mom down and finally, finally, owns her goodness. She’s not the monster her mother called her. Or that she thought she was. Or that she fears she’ll become. She’s good; she’s someone to be proud of. And with that, she forgives her mother — and herself. It’s a lovely, touching scene and we won’t even mention that her mom breaks the land-speed record for blinking throughout. Poor dear.

At the Dal, Trick is preparing for Bo’s return — sort of. More like he’s drooling all over Stella. And then in true sexy librarian fashion she lets down her hair and says — and I am not kidding — “Sometimes even I like it loud.” Turns out, he’s super into no-nonsense ballbusters. OK, that’s a little bit too much information about the sexual peccadillos of grandpa.

Bo arrives bearing pies and the successful merging of action and awareness. She pops through her invisible threshold no problemo this time. In fact, she practically Hokey Pokeys through the thing. But before we can shake it all about in celebration, we learn that this is just the first basic step and now there’s a temple and the most grueling challenges of her life ahead. Can’t we just all skip past Fae puberty and get to the college years where it’s all keggers and sexual exploits?

Safely back at her real home, threshold crossed, mother forgiven, self-worth affirmed, Bo has only one question left. And it’s a doozy. She asks Kenzi again how she’s doing. And why she was at the Norn’s. Ruh-roh. If the rest of this season turns into How Dyson Got His Love Groove Back I’m going to burn all his clothes on the front lawn.

KENZISM OF THE WEEK:

So many country puns, so little time.

“I feel like I fell in some Amish.”

BOOBS O’CLOCK OF THE WEEK:

I just called to say thank you for wearing that nightie.

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