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“Last Tango in Halifax” recap: We’re getting married! (Ep. 1)

Hey, you! Yeah, you! Are you looking for a new British show to watch, full of sweeping misty landscapes and dark coffee shops and cobblestoned streets and the loveliest accents? Are you a fan of adorable old people? Do you like lesbians? Well then, Last Tango in Halifax might be for you!

Halifax, by the way, refers to the town in Yorkshire, England, and not the Nova Scotian variety. The six-episode series first ran on the BBC starting in November of 2012, and was recently picked up for a second season. The main plot surrounds the wonderfully sweet love story of two widowed souls, Alan and Celia, whom fate – or, uh, Facebook – has brought together many, many years after they first knew each as youth. And when I say “many,” I mean many as in 50 freaking years. Before finding each other on the FB, they hadn’t seen each other since 1953! They are old, y’all. But while they secretly loved each other way back then, time took them in different directions and into different marriages; Celia’s unhappy, Alan’s seemingly content, but perhaps without a great spark. When they meet once again in the first episode, now both alone (and old), they each slowly but surely reveal the feelings they used to have, which have never really left them, and yes, I’m going to get to the lesbian stuff soon, but seriously, these two are just precious!

Alan and Celia also have another thing in common (other than loving the crap out of each other and both being adorable) in the fact that they’re both very much involved in the lives of their single-parent daughters.

The House of Celia:

Celia’s daughter, Caroline, is recently divorced from her cheating ex-husband, and in one of the first scenes, we see him coming to her fancy schmancy house to beg for forgiveness and have him back. She agrees that he can move back, but for now, they’re still sleeping in separate rooms. Take what you can get, cheating ex-husband.

They have two amazing sons, one of whom is pumped about Dad being back and one of whom isn’t; I am obviously in love with the angsty older one who isn’t. Along with being angry, he always has his head in a book–the two normally go hand in hand as a teen – and he has the best hair and seriously, this boy has got to be gay.

The House of Alan:

Alan’s daughter, Gillian, is yet another widow herself, with one teenage son. It seems her husband died in an accident during some adrenaline-rush thing like motocross (or something), an activity that her dead husband’s brother still loves and encourages her son to keep pursuing, because you know, he hates Gillian and wants to keep her blood pressure going. Gillian’s feisty, not afraid of holding back her feelings, and I am immediately in love with her too. I feel she has to be a lesbian. I mean, look at her car.

Now lacking financial stability with her husband gone, Alan has moved in with her as she struggles to keep her farm running, while she juggles a job at a grocery store, as well. One of my favorite moments of the first episode is a series of alternating shots of Gillian and Caroline starting their work days, showcasing the clear juxtaposition between them. It seems Caroline is the headteacher at a hoity toity private school. She grandly walks up a cathedral-like hall to address the students. Gillian puts on her plastic name tag; walks up the neon-lit aisles.

Throwing some serious hot Hogwarts shade.

And while I don’t think this is where this show is taking this at all, I am already shipping these two so hard. The uptight, educated headmistress with the angry-yet-still-warm farmer/grocery store clerk! I am so into it!

However, we soon learn that I apparently have my lesbian wires crossed, because it’s not Gillian that loves the ladies, but in fact Headmistress Caroline. She calls Kate, one of her teachers, into her office for a sitdown, which Kate remarks is “rather formal.” As they sit across from one another, Caroline informs Kate that her husband has returned, and that she’s taken him in – for the kids’ sake, she says. Kate – who is beautiful, FYI – remains skeptical but rather calm and steady during all of this news, barely batting an eyelash. It’s only when Caroline gets to this painful line: “I’m very…fond of you, you know that,” that Kate breaks her poker face for a moment to glance down in this disappointment. Caroline says that she doesn’t think she can “do this” any longer. They can still be friends, of course, but “the other thing, it’s–it’s not me.” She continues to clarify: “I mean, it’s not not me; I’m just not ready to go there.” Tell us Caroline, how far exactly have you and Kate already traveled on the way to there?

Caroline is played by Sarah Lancashire, who has been in a number of all things British, including a whopping 268 episodes of Coronation Street. (Holy crap!) But I knew I also recognized Kate, played by Nina Sosanya, who it appears has also played a great many British TV roles. But after searching through all of those numerous gigs, I’ve come to the conclusion that the one my American eyes actually recognize her from is as Hugh Grant‘s aide in Love, Actually. (Don’t hate me, Brits!) Speaking of, is it time to watch Love, Actually again yet?

Later that day as Caroline arrives home, she finds a note tucked in her back. It reads thus:

Our lovebirds Celia and Alan, meanwhile, have been having quite the day in Skipton, what with Alan’s car getting stolen and then Celia leading them on an old person car chase around the narrow streets to take it back, all of which is quite hilarious somehow, and which ends up in a small crash.

This is all okay, because no one has a heart attack or anything even though Alan hyperventilates a little, and the two of them simply get to bond even more while they wait to take statements at the police station. They so totally love each other! It does mean, however, that both of their daughters will have to come pick them up. As Caroline drives near, we get to hear a pleasant phone conversation between her and Kate, where she yells, “You told Michael bloody Dobson of all people! That insidious little prick! No, Kate, I’m delighted, I’m thrilled. I’m over the bloody moon! I’ve got to go, I’m going, I’m driving.” And then she tosses her phone to the ground in a huff. Girlfriends, Kate, amIright?

Pissed off Caroline only gets more pissed off as she prepares to back up into a parking space in front of the cafe where Alan and Celia are waiting and staring into each other’s lovey dovey eyes. As she’s about to glide in, Gillian and her son drive up in their Lesbianmobile and sneak right in first. Caroline sputters in rage; Gillian says, “Emergency, sorry!,” smiles, and walks off. Caroline continues to sputter, leaving her car in the middle of the road.

She sputters all the way into the cafe moments later, in fact, just missing Gillian saying hi to her dad. After yelling at Gillian for “the most selfish, mindless piece of driving I have ever witnessed,” Caroline then calls Gillian an idiot, and Gillian calls Caroline a snotty bitch. What a perfect first meeting! So much anger and disgust and tension! I ship them even more now!

The lovebirds react like this:

Caroline then puts on her nice face and Headteacher Voice for the old people, introducing herself sweetly to Alan and smoothly throwing in this last piece of pure bitchy gold: “We’re going to have to go. Some brain-dead, low life trailer trash stole my parking space.” Ha! Alan then officially introduces that piece of trailer trash as his daughter. Awkward! As a moment of remorse crosses Caroline’s face, Gillian quips, “I’ve met Caroline.”

The oldies then clear their throats and attempt to move on, because they have bigger news than stolen parking spaces to share. They take each other’s hands and turn to their daughters to announce: “We’re getting married.”

Aaaand end scene!

Tune in again next week to find out the wedding details, if Michael bloody Dobson really is an insidious prick, and if Caroline chooses Gillian or Kate! (OK, it probably won’t be Gillian.)

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