“Glee” recap 4.14: The Bitch-Goddess Spectrum


Previously on Glee, Finn’s evolution into the actual person of Will Schuester reached completion when he kissed Emma’s face right on the lips. Tina’s very misplaced crush on very gay Blaine reached very unacceptable heights when she roofied him with NyQuil and climbed aboard his body for some VapoRubbin’ creep times. Kurt took his rightful place at the right hand of God atop NYADA’s Iron Throne. And Santana moved her perfect ass right into Kurt and Rachel’s Bushwick loft.

It’s Valentine’s Day and the reason you know it’s Valentine’s Day is because Glee‘s writers have penned us all a little love letter and it looks like this: Finn Hudson shouting at top volume, “I’M THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD.” What has prompted such an accurate and heart-warming confession? It’s time for Will and Emma’s wedding and Finn’s feeling like a real prick for kissing his best friend’s future wife. Rachel tells him not to tell Will, and Emma tells him not to tell Will, and so he doesn’t tell Will. Not so in tune to the needs of his bride-to-be is Mr. Schue himself, who ignores her frantic pleas for emotional support so he can reconnect with his glee club. He tells them they’ll be singing at the wedding, which, for some inexplicable reason, surprises them. Even the ones who were present in the swimming pool when he walked on water and proposed.

But before the wedding shenanigans can get underway — and oh, there will be shenanigans; sexy, sexy shenanigans — the Ryder-Marley-Jake love triangle needs a second to breathe. The deal is that Jake doesn’t know how to do whatever rom-com thing teenage girls expect on Valentine’s Day, but Ryder does, which actually makes perfect sense because now that I’m really looking at him, he seems like just the kind of guy that secretly has the Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks triple threat Blu-ray box set stashed under his mattress. (Joe Versus the Volcano, Sleepless in Seattle, You’ve Got Mail) Jake opts for interrupting history class to serenade Marley with “You’re All I Need to Get By.” It’s cute. I don’t know if anyone in the world actually cares about these characters. But it’s cute.

Wemma Wedding Day. Brittany and Sam are snuggled up a few pews in front of Santana. They threeway wave at each all awkward and semi-forlorn, but it’s hard to feel anything other than delight when the camera pans back to reveal Quinn Fabray shoulder-to-shoulder with Santana, fixing her lipstick and quoting Gloria Steinem. They share a makeup mirror and a general hatred for their fellow human beings and the knowledge that their combined hotness could make even a supernova burn out hard and bright in a jealous huff of steam.

Artie introduces himself to Emma’s niece, Ali Stroker. She blows him off because she thinks he’s a nerd, but what she doesn’t know is that he’s a nerd with aspirations of global domination and some sweet, sweet dance moves.

More you may like