Writing this last Emily Owens recap ever feels so bittersweet and weird that I don’t even know what to say about it so let’s just jump right in to avoid the awkwardness.
We begin with some Relationship Processing, with Emily trying to work out her feelings about The Micah Kiss with Tyra, and Cassandra telling Will, “Whatevs, we all cool, dude.” The Emily and Tyra conversation is lovely because it’s Emily and Tyra, duh, and also it takes place in a super perfectly-cozy coffeeshop, straight up Stars Hollow style. Emily appears to be kind of excited about the kiss but mainly flustered and confused because she was so blinded by her Will Feelings that it all truly shocked her, and whatnot.
But this line of thought is interrupted by a mentally ill woman blustering into the coffeeshop and yelling at people and then dramatically passing out. Thank goodness there are two doctors at hand! The lady wakes up just long enough to scream at Emily that she’s not going to any damn hospital. The next time we see her, she’s at the damn hospital, and she wakes up just long enough to throw a bunch of water on Emily. Ha!
As Emily attempts to pat the water off of her shirt, she runs into Micah, who pulls her aside to have A Talk, which is interrupted by Will wanting to have A Talk with her, too. Will, Will, Will. After Micah rushes off to a patient, Emily does at least tell Will about the her and Micah feelings so he doesn’t rush right out with admitting his own Emily feelings, which he is clearly suddenly having now that Cassandra has dumped his ass. Jesus Christo, feelings overload up in here!
We then meet the rest of our patients for the episode, all of which are acutely heartbreaking in their own way: We have the crazy lady from the coffeeshop, whose portrayal I did feel slightly worried about as becoming, well, just a crazy lady. A nurse does refer to her as such. Mental illness that comes wrapped in a package of excessive nastiness can be hard for folks to deal with. But as her erratic behavior becomes more clear, and Emily gets some more personal history from the woman’s daughter, she finally believes a psych eval is warranted, along with blood tests. You think?
We also meet a man with a brain thingie who needs surgery, whose ex-wife wants to help comfort him, but he doesn’t want her help because their son died a year ago by choking on a piece of a toy while she was out of the room and he blames the death on her. Yay?
And then last but not least, we have lesbians! Specifically, an older lesbian couple who are preparing for a bunch of their college kids returning home this weekend and they are super sweet and adorable and the best and OBVIOUSLY THEIR DOOM LOOMS. Lesbian #1 just has a nasty cough; Cassandra and Will are their doctors and after her heart seems normal in an EKG, they prescribe some antibiotics for pneumonia and send them on their way. CLEARLY THEIR DOOM IS EVER MORE IMMINENT.
Cassandra wheels Lesbian #1 out to their car, and she tries to get the dish on Cassandra and Will’s breakup. Cassandra shows her real human heart as she likes to do once in a while, and with an escaped tear, admits that she thinks he’s in love with someone else. Lesbian admits that one time she and Lesbian #2 broke up; she went through a depression and eventually just had to ask for her back, and it worked out okay for them. Cassandra smiles; Lesbian #1 grasps her arm and says so earnestly, “Thank you for everything,” as if she and Will have just saved her life instead of prescribing some antibiotics.
And then, of course, of course, five minutes after the lesbians drive off, Lesbian #2 rolls back up to the ER entrance, screaming for help. Lesbian #1, so comforting and happy to Cassandra just moments before, has suddenly passed out and doesn’t have a pulse. Will, who has become closer to the lesbians than he does with most his patients, at least more than we ever see, tries to revive her for 25 minutes. Finally, he admits defeat. EVERYTHING IS RUINED I HATE EVERYTHING JUST STOP.