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“Chicago Fire” recap (1.13) “I can dance. You can just watch.”

Previously on Chicago Fire, Severide decided to move the Madrid because his neck is broken and the sweetest way to die would be in the arms of Carmen. Dawson gave Mills the food and wine she prepared for Shay’s big U-Haul party. I know there was something else. Oh right, she also gave him Shay’s ticket to her vagina.  Shay came back to work and also wore a football helmet which made some of us swoon.  

This week’s episode opens with Severide making good use of his inability to work to do all that touristy stuff you never do in your own city. He takes Renee to Skydeck and charges out into the tiny plastic box on the 103rd floor. The floor is transparent and you can see right down to the ground. Or at least I think you can because I couldn’t bear to look. Severide bombs right out over the edge while Renee lingers back for a moment inside the building. He reaches out to her and coaxes her across.

They are roaming around, not a care in the world, talking about miracle doctors and all the tapas they are going to eat in Madrid. They talk about going dancing and Severide is all “I’m from the Brandon Walsh school of manly refusal to dance.” Renee laughs and says “I can dance, you can just watch.”  Every lesbian with a pulse faints dead away because when Sarah Shahi talks about dancing while someone else watches our minds click over, like the changing of a record on a turntable, and the only thought in our minds is this. Everything is perfect in spite of his broken neck and it’s just like that time when Shane and Carmen were so happy and getting ready for their big, fat, Canadian wedding.  

Remember Ernie, the super creepy kid who was maybe setting dumpster fires so he could watch the fire trucks roll up? Well, Ernie is back and he’s calling the Chief from a pay phone which apparently still exist in Chicago. He’s evasive but clearly he’s trying to tell the Chief something but then a black car rolls up with the creepy dude he calls his “uncle” and they drive off.  

A second later the crew is called out to a fire at a hardware store right where Squirrel Nutkin the firebug just was. They pull out one guy who isn’t breathing. When it’s confirmed as another dumpster fire the Chief scans the area for Ernie.

Back at the firehouse, Casey is being super manly by standing on top of the fire truck to fix the broken garage door. Meanwhile, every other person is standing around watching. Shay, smart girl that she is announces that she’s heading in for a little hot chocolate. She catches Dawson’s eye and she also says “Oh yep, hot chocolate. In no way do I mean I am going to have bunk house sexytimes with Shay. Nope, just the hot chocolate.”  

Mills gives her a look and they are all awkward because they saw each other naked and now it’s just weird, especially since Dawson’s about to go get naked with Shay.

While Shawson checks out the hot chocolate some kid shows up with a puppy and says his dad is going to drown it if he can’t find it a home. Mills, steps up and takes it because it’s not enough that Shay dismissed him as being a big, doofy puppy, he has to go and prove it by getting himself a mascot. Dude, I want to root for you, but help me, help you.

When the Chief walks in Shay and Dawson run over to him and hop up and down saying “Hey Dad can we keep him, can we, can we, can we?”

Severide comes into the break room with his hands shoved in his pockets to depths previously uncharted outside the lesbian community. He shrugs and announces that he’s moving to Spain. Everyone cheers awkwardly. Clearly the tepid response indicates that not enough of them have seen Renee Royce.

He has a heart to heart with the Chief who offers to pull strings to get Severide a cushy job. Severide’s not having it because there’s nowhere cushier than Renee’s um…warm embrace. The Chief tells Severide he’s not sure he has done enough for Ernie, that he know the “uncle” is bad news,  and he’s genuinely tortured by the fact that the cops don’t appear to have done a single thing.

Shay is doing her “I’m so disappointed in you” face early this week as she talks to Severide about maybe giving her a heads up before he told the firehouse he was moving. Severide is that friend you have who bears a striking resemblance to that pet you had who would chew your favorite toy or poop in your bedroom but just when you thought you couldn’t take it anymore he’d come and put his big old head on your leg and look up at you with those sad eyes. You’d want to stay mad, and you’d swear not to let him near your stuff ever again, but you’d forget and he’d chew your crap and each time you’d forgive the lug because you couldn’t resist.

Before they can get to the part where Shay pats him on the head they are all called out to a shooting involving an infant. Shay and Dawson get to the building and woman is shouting about how her baby has been shot. They double time it up the stairs and when they get in the apartment the “baby” looks a lot like a teenager. Before we can properly digest that a guy with a shotgun emerges from behind the door like a deranged jack-in-the-box. Ladies, this is the second time you’ve rushed in and the shooter has been waiting around. The guy smacks his mom with the butt of his gun and she’s out cold. Shay gets the guy to let her help his mom but then tasers the big lug. Apparently, she did learn.   

Dawson, who is intimately familiar with the concept of breaking the rules, lies and says the dude totally just fell and hit his head when everybody’s hero Casey comes in. On their way out she clues Shay into the fact that tasers are not allowed and that it says so on the first page of the handbook. Shay’s all “studying totally interferes with my whole devil-may-care attitude that makes me irresistible to lesbians everywhere.”

The shift is over and Dawson is walking to her car when Mills trots up to her with the puppy in his arms. You are killing me man!  He asks about seeing her when he’s off of his shift and she says sure because the oaf is holding a puppy and how can you say no to that?  

She walks to her car and Casey pulls up and asks if she wants to go to breakfast. She forgets all about Mills, puppies, and their tentative date because hero boy is talking to her.

Guess who else has a surprise waiting for her?

Shay walks across the driveway carrying her bag on one shoulder like she’s getting ready to change for soccer practice but before she can make it to her car she notices a black car the size of the Titanic. Standing in front of the unsinkable behemoth, wearing a coat she borrowed from Snooki, is Clarice. All this can be yours Leslie Shay, if the price is right.

Clarice is now three years pregnant. She tells Shay that she left her husband and moved back in with her parents. She’s staying in her old bedroom and staring at Gwen Stefani‘s abs on her No Doubtposter from 1998 and feeling like the lyrics to “Don’t Speak” were totally written for her. She thanks Shay for being there for her and something else about knowing that they are just friends all while making the face that says “I love you even though I left you, married a dude, got pregnant, and am back at my parents’ house.” You’re a total catch Clarice, the whole fucking package.  

Shay, because she can’t help herself, faux cheetah is her weakness, asks Clarice to move in with her because she still pissed that Severide is moving to Spain and she hates him enough for it that she’s willing to get sucked back into an unhealthy relationship with a woman whose hormones might have her speaking to snakes next week.

Dawson and Casey are having breakfast and flirting over a light conversation of parole hearings and mommy murderers. Casey is headed to the hearing and Dawson falls all over herself to go too. He gives her a ninety-seven outs but she insists that she wants to sit in a municipal building and wait for the hearing to start so she can listen to Casey defend his mom and ask for her to be released.  Dawson, sweetie, if this is your idea of foreplay you might need a tutorial.

Ernie calls the Chief again, from another fully functional payphone. He tells the Chief that his uncle is making him set the fires and that he would kill him if he knew he was telling all of this to the Chief. When Boden races to find Ernie the kid is gone and the Chief is getting more worried. I have a terrible feeling about this story line.

Renee and Severide are sitting in a fancy doctor’s office and the doctor is telling Severide how with his cutting edge treatment Severide’s healing time might be only four weeks instead of a year. This is some Lance Armstrong shit right here. The down side is that there might be minor side effects like paralysis. They leave feeling disinterested in what Doc McStuffins has to offer but so very much in love they can’t wait to get to Spain.

The parole hearing has started at Casey gets up to speak on behalf of his mother. He gives an impassioned speech about all the times he and his sister screwed up as kids and how his mom was always there to forgive them after they had paid for their mistakes. He’s forgiven his mom and thinks that the fifteen years she’s spent cellmates with Shell Dockley more than makes up for murdering dear old dad.  

Shay is taking out her anger on some apples she’s peeling for what I can only assume is welcome home ex-girlfriend who I have invited to live with me because I have a creeping sense that everyone I love is leaving and it’s really freaking me out. Severide pops in and tries to talk to her. He calls her out on the fact that she’s really mad he didn’t tell her and that’s she’s really just pissed he’s moving away. She’s all “you don’t know me and by the way Clarice is going to need your key.”

Otis is taking a few shifts at another fire house. The guys there are super nice, they laugh at his stories, and they even let him drive the truck instead of bypassing him for Puppy Mills. It’s paradise. They casually drop that he could look to transfer if he wants and Otis looks ready to leave the lame-o goat mascot and go on over to the house where they think he’s funny.

They crew is called out and the call is to Ernie’s apartment. The place is blazing and the Chief searches frantically for Ernie. He finds a door on the second floor that is wedged shut with a chair under the door handle. He gets inside and searches for Ernie. He finally finds Ernie in the closet and carries him out.  

Shay and Dawson work on the kid but he’s gone. The Chief collapses.  

Every episode the Chief fills space. He walks with his chest puffed out, he rolls his shoulders when he walks, and his chin juts in a way that just dares you to be crazy enough to take a swing. He exudes quiet confidence, the air that he knows everything, that he can handle anything, and that he is impenetrable like a cartoon superhero. In this moment, when they tell him Ernie’s gone, his body changes. His chin seems to recede, his shoulder hunch, he slumps against the front of the truck, and he looks no more forceful than a mylar balloon that has lost half its helium and can no longer hold keep its walls from collapsing, let alone float. There are no hysterics, no big reactions. It’s a crushing performance as we watch the Chief realize that not only has a child died in a fire, but that he could not save this boy despite his best efforts. His failure and grief are palpable and moving.

Back at the firehouse everyone feels about as you would expect after pulling a dead kid out of a building. The puppy barks and Mills confesses that he didn’t actually find a home for the little guy. Shay nuzzles with the dog and I swear the ovaries on all the ladies in the universe exploded.  

The Chief comes in, picks up the puppy and says they can keep it. Mouch gives up his protest and they decide to name the dog Pouch (half puppy, half couch).

Casey gets a call saying that his mom got paroled and Dawson is all smiles and congratulations until he says that the condition is that mom comes to live with him. Whoops, that really cuts down on the sexy times.

The Chief goes looking for Ernie’s arsonist uncle. He breaks down the door to his apartment, finds cans of gasoline, Ernie’s backpack, and uncle fire maker sneaking out the back. The Chief chases the uncle down, sends him crashing into a dumpster and the two dudes jump out. Uncle Pyro tries to hit Boden with a tire iron but Boden dodges it and uses his boxing skills to kick the snot out of the guy until the cops come and pull them apart.

Boden is in big trouble for all the illegal, but satisfying behavior. Boden’s had enough so he turns in his badge and tells them to call when he’s off furlough. Otis comes to drop off his transfer paperwork as the Chief is leaving.

Severide pulls up to the curb in his muscle car. Shay is waiting for him in the most ridiculous coat I have ever seen. She clearly stole it from a girlfriend who used to race in the Iditarod. Severide apologizes and tells Shay that she’s his best friend and that he should have told her first.  

She gets teary before saying they should go inside because, you know, despite wearing the skin of fifty seals on her back she’s chilly. Surprise!  It’s a going away party and everyone is there. Since Renee is front and center all the people with eyes tell Severide congratulations, and they totally understand why he’s leaving.

Clarice is there and she’s telling Shay that she knows they are just friends and then Shay kisses her and tells Clarice that she’s in love with her and always has been. Clarice says she loves Shay too and they kiss some more.  

As it was happening I kept thinking “No! What are you doing, Shay?” because we all know Clarice is bad news when she’s not carrying a human but now she’s like hormone-fueled tracker jacker. Clarice is that girl that you know is so wrong for your friend. You just know she’s going to break your friend’s heart over and over but when they are together you have to admit they are really cute. They’re so cute that you wonder if maybe this time it will work out and the Clarice will maybe keep her anti-christ side in check. Ugh. So I am thrilled that Shiri Applebywill be sticking around and that we get sweet lady kisses on the television but I don’t trust Clarice the pocket gay because I think she’s bad news for Shay as only a person you love that much can be.  But I can try to put all that aside if they can bring the sweet ladies kisses each week, because whether you think Clarice is good news or bad news you can’t argue with the chemistry.

Mills and Dawson make out and make a plan to meet up at Dawson’s apartment. Oh they are so sneaky, leaving the party at different times so they can go have super secret sex. Except that Mouch totally knows and they are as sly as the girls who used to leave our dorm before check in to make out with their boyfriends next to the Chapel. They’d saunter in like they were just out getting some fresh air, you know just a little pre-bed constitutional, when everyone knew they were busy playing tonsil hockey in the shadows. Not slick ladies.

Severide goes on a spirit quest to find his dad who is a hobo in the woods. He’s regaling his hunting/fishing/possibly homeless buddies with stories of the good old days as a firefighter. Severide skulks through the trees like he’s trying to imprint himself with some werewolves who run around in black jean shorts.  

He tells his dear old dad that he’s off to sunny Spain with Renee and his dad tells him that he’ll be sorry if he gives up on firefighting and stop being such a baby throwing around words like “paralyzed” and “permanent damage”‘ like it means anything.  This touching father-son display leads Severide to make a stupid ass decision.

He meets Renee and tells her he’s going to have the surgery, and that he’s not going to Spain with her.  

She cries like she got left at the altar by a commitment-phobic, chain-smoking, skateboarding, waif. People, can we try to stop making Sarah Shahi cry.  It’s terrible.  She does it so well that it makes my heart hurt.  I want Severide to stick around, I do, because watching the Severide-Shay-Clarice-baby in one apartment shenanigans is going to be fun. But Carmen/Renee/Sad Clown is too much to take.

The Chief shows up at what we learn is his ex-wife’s house to see his step-son. The ex isn’t going to let him in but he asks in such a way that she can’t say no.  He pats his ex-dog, hugs his teenage son like he might be lost for good, might blow away, if he doesn’t anchor himself to the ground.

The episode ends with Severide being wheeled into surgery with Shay looking on.

Here are some of our favorite #ShaycagoFire tweets. You guys are hilarious. See you back again next week.

What were your favorite moments from this week?  What do you think of Clarice being back?

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