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“The Good Wife” recap (4.13): Partners and Prenups

Dearest Kings of The Good Wife: Listen, your child is still on the honor roll. Still one of the most well-written and smartest shows of all its peers. Still kicking out great episodes, four seasons in. We still love you. But. But. Can I ask you one little, tiny thing, as a lady loving lady? Have you forgotten about the most brilliant of all your creations? One by the name of Kalinda Sharma?

Because let’s do a quick recap of her appearances in your latest episode. She demands a raise from Will-or, rather, demands to have a raise that she was already promised. Which isn’t even really that overly assertive, just an acknowledgment of her rights. And she pores over some paperwork with Cary late one night, helping him find some hidden figures that help a case. Paperwork, so badass, right? And, well, that’s it.

Now, I know that her Horrible Husband story arc took up a lot of time earlier in the season, and that you only have so much time to deal with so many characters-the reality of your show which makes it so simultaneously frustrating and fascinating-but since Kalinda offed the husband, or maybe didn’t off the husband, or whatever, is that it for her for the season? I mean, she doesn’t have to be kickin’ ass and havin’ sex every single episode or anything-wait, nevermind, no, that would be awesome-but seriously, at least throw us a whiff of anything remotely interesting happening in her life or regarding her mental state. A mysterious scribble in her orange notebook. More drinks with Alicia. And I think there was someone in her life called Lana-or was it Donna? Elena? Hanna? Banana nana fo fanna? I don’t know, it’s been too long. Or maybe just assure us a little more that she actually is an essential part of Lockhart Gardner. Because from the latest few episodes, who knows!

Okay, okay. Now that I’ve gotten that out, we can move on. Because even though our Kalinda lives are feeling somewhat neglected and maybe a little bitter, there is so much righteous Alicia to be had. And I am still very good with that.

We begin this episode with the return of ChumHum guy, with what I believe is a flashback to an episode from earlier in the season, when there was lots of talk of algorithms and rich nerds being shady and stuff. In fact, I spent the first few minutes of the episode reassuring myself it wasn’t a rerun. But no, arrogant ChumHum guy is indeed back, and this time he’s getting married, and Lockhart Gardner are double checking the prenup negotiations for his fiancee.

This plotline is basically boring and even a little irritating, if simply for the fact that girlfriend keeps being all, “I don’t care about any of these silly things like numbers and legal advice, I LOVE HIM!,” when it’s clear that this prenup deal is bad news. This love-erases-logic idea is reinforced by a few dreamy, “Well, she’s in love,” sympathies from Alicia. Right, love is great, but if it’s really love, and you’re both conscious of the fact that one of the two of you is the ninth richest man in America and sometimes shit happens, you should respect each other enough to know that it’s important that you both understand what your joint legal documents say, and that you care enough to make sure it’s fair. But hey, I’m just a silly girl who’s not a billionaire, so what do I know!

The one good thing about this story is that since it’s family law, we get to see resident Lockhart Gardner jackass David Lee. Anytime David Lee comes on the screen, a weird part of me yells, “HA! This guy! This guy is going to be such an asshole in the next hour! HA! I love this guy!” And then when he actually is an asshole, somehow the whole appeal drains out of my system a little and I just feel sort of sad and annoyed. But the next time he appears, the same cycle always repeats. I wish I knew how to quit you, David Lee.

We then see Will and Diane inviting Alicia to lock the door of their office so the three of them can have Important Words, which end up being an invitation for Alicia to become an equity partner in the firm. And this makes Alicia so happy! Like, levels of pure joy that Alicia never, ever allows herself! Hide your face in your hands laughter happy! Radiant smiles happy! Remember this moment, friends!

She is so happy that she follows what Diane tells her to do, and goes and buys something nice for herself. The speech Diane gave, by the way, is real buttery. Remember this, friends. So Alicia returns to her office with fancy shopping bags on her arm and the shiniest of smiles still on her face.

Then David Lee comes in.

He alerts Alicia to the part that Diane and Will left out in their You Can Thank Us Later speech: buying in to the partnership costs $600,000. $600,000! But don’t worry, you only have to pay half of it up front. Ha! Only $300,000! Ha! Ha!

This is the point in the conversation where I would have said, “Well, eff youuuu, Lockhart Gardner!” But Alicia instead decides to grab those fancy shopping bags to return her fancy stuff, thinks about borrowing money against her mortgage (sounds like hell), and talks to Big about it. Big of course says that he is so proud and also he’ll just lend her the money himself because he is a rich bastard.

In other Legal News of Boringness, Lockhart Gardner are also in court against Nathan Lane and Michael J. Fox for an extension of their debt repayment. J. Foxster, who is now their creditor if you’ll remember, gives some exaggerated speech about how the repayment of their (and now his) debt is important because he’s going to give it to research to help cure his disease so others like him can live in happiness because this is America! He keeps popping pills and Diane Lockhart keeps giving the ultimate in eyerolls and it is all hilarious! Let it be said that Michael J. Fox, and those who write for him, have dealt with his disease with both grace and delightful humor, which is frequently the best way to deal with anything.

As Lane is the trustee pressing for these debt deadlines, he and Fox are sort of on the same side of the table on this one, but when Lane realizes that Fox’s intentions aren’t all that good-hearted, this shift of understanding quietly takes place on his face. Because you see, Nathan Lane is a hardass accountant, but underneath it all he is a delicate, pure, innocent little flower. And he is suddenly realizing that the world is full of people who aren’t. And it’s rough.

One of Fox’s arguments against Lockhart Gardner is that they’ve been reigning in more settlements for their clients on purpose instead of taking things to court, to take in the quick cash for their debt problems. Someone that can be called in to testify about this is Alicia, who recently helped bring in that big settlement when she was stuck in Minnesota. And who better to bring her her subpoena to appear in court than Kalinda?

OK, I was wrong, this was actually the Kalinda highlight of the episode, because even though it was only five seconds long, I can see this being the beautiful beginning of some  deliciously inappropriate fanfic, right there. I subpoena you to zip up my leather boots every morning! I subpoena you to drink hard liquor with me after work every single day! I subpoena you to stop sleeping with your husband, seriously, like now! I subpoena you to breathe more warmth into my cold, dark, lifeless apartment, but not too much warmth because I know you would never change me! I subpoena you to lick ice cream cones with me and rewrite those erotic scenes that were wasted on that piece of trash I used to be married to earlier in this season! I subpoena you to work so late at the office that you and I will be the only ones left and then we’ll lock all the doors!

And, well, anyway, this is a game that could go on for a long time. But I guess the show must go on. I guess.

Alicia has also recently found out that Cary-bright eyed and bushy tailed, recently-returned-to-the-firm Cary!-has been offered an equity partner share, as well. So, that’s weird. And then she gets pressured by Eli and George about her views on religion, since they’ve decided to go after Maura Tierney in the election about being an atheist and want to make sure that Alicia and Peter can still be seen as the caring Christian couple in the race. So between realizing that she may not be so special in the promotion department, and being subpoenaed, and being forced into agreeing that she’s a God-fearing Jesus-believer, Alicia starts to slide into this “I don’t even care, I really don’t even care” mode where she just aggressively giggles at everything, which is just wonderful. And then! And then. When she actually is interrogated by Michael J. Fox on the stand, after defending Lockhart Gardner absolutely perfectly for a good three or four questions, he reveals that it’s not merely her and Cary who are up for equity partners, but FIVE total associates. FIVE people, all who will be contributing $600,000, at a time when the firm needs the money. Alicia wasn’t rewarded for her hard work: she was just a pawn in a money game.

Alicia’s reaction to having a bad day earlier has now fully bloomed into anger, a rage and hurt that makes her cold and blunt. She shows this at a leadership forum that night, a fancy campaign event for Maddie and Peter, wherein Alicia downs wine and is a badass to everyone she meets in a scene chock full of amazingness. She brushes off both Eli and George-sorry, I still can’t remember George’s actual name in this show-in quick, biting succession, in a manner that I liked to think evoked the opposite of a good Oprah give-away: And YOU don’t get a car! And YOU don’t get a car!

Which then brings her to Maddie, who definitely doesn’t get a car.

Alicia: Hi, Maddie.

Maddie: Alicia. It’s been a long time.

Alicia: Yep. You have any new friends?

Maddie: Just so you know, Alicia, I didn’t break off our friendship. And if you could let go of this victimhood pose that you’re hanging on to–

Alicia: You know what you can do with your vic–

And then Peter breaks it up, ruining things like always. What should Maddie have done with her victimhood, Alicia?! This burnfest is so good. And it makes you really dislike Maddie even more, because there is nothing so infuriating as pulling the “victim” card to toss around blame and make someone feel like crap. In response, Alicia turns to Peter and starts to tell him how much she would love to get him into a bathroom right about now.

Ew. Let’s take a necessary second to discuss what is clearly an extremely unhealthy sexual relationship here, at least on Alicia’s part. While Peter and Alicia have been getting it on recently, it seems to be a device Alicia uses to try to erase anger, or hurt, or annoyance, or whatever emotions she needs to rid herself of at the moment. For example, the first gross scene after the Battle of the Crazy Moms in Alicia’s apartment at Thanksgiving; the sex in the tour bus last week meant to fulfill what may have been a sexual fantasy with someone else in Alicia’s mind (still fuzzy on that part); and now this wine soaked, blinded-by-anger request. Not good, Alicia. Not good. Maybe you should discuss it with Kalinda?

In any case, we’re spared the full discomfort this week, as her advancement is interrupted by a reporter walking up and delivering the anticipated religion question. Maddie doesn’t even blink, but owns up: yep, she’s an atheist. Sorry if that offends, but she doesn’t see the point in hiding who she is. OK, so you do like her a little more when she’s actually straightforward. Peter says that belief is especially important to him because he was in jail and sometimes faith is all you have there? I can’t believe you just pulled the jail card? For religion? I mean I know it’s actually a true statement for a lot of people, but if it’s not, gross. Inspired by Maddie’s honesty, wine, and her desire to piss everyone off like everyone has pissed her off, Alicia then decides to go back on her previous promise. Giving a big smile, she says: “I’m an atheist,” finished with a big wink to Eli. Oh, Alicia. I want you to stop having angry sex with Peter, but I do like it when you’re sassy.

Lockhart Gardner ends up getting their extension on their repayment, mostly due to Nathan Lane admitting on the stand that J. Fox is kind of a sleaze and so his arguments shouldn’t be trusted. While he has essentially saved their asses, and everyone else is celebrating with champagne-because champagne is what you do to help save yourself from further financial ruin, right? Right-Nathan Lane is still being very Charlie Brown about life. Clearly, he needs a healthy dose of Cary. And without much Kalinda action, the Nathan Lane-Cary bromance is my favorite thing right now, and I need it, too.

(Scene:)

Cary sees Lane staring forlornly at the elevator doors as they close in the Lockhart Gardner hallway, briefcase in hand, alone, as if he has been staring at the doors opening and closing for a while, never actually getting on, adrift in his thoughts. Cary pauses, decides to approach him. Lane looks over. “Cary!,” he says, his voice fraught with a type of relief, broken from his reverie. (He thinks, “I’m so glad it’s you.”) Cary smiles, asks warmly, “Can I help you?”

Lane replies: “I, uh, I, er, uhh, ahh-no. No.”

What he want to say: “If only you knew, Cary. You can help. You already have.”

They discuss Michael J. Fox; Lane is disheartened about the law and his possible future in it. He likes things that have order, precision.

What he says (about the law): “This is…messy.”

What he means (about Cary): “This is….messy, the mixed up feelings I have for you, inside.”

(Fade out.)

It appears that Nathan Lane may be leaving, now that Lockhart Gardner has gotten their stay, and he is off to take the bar and (maybe) pursue his own career in law. But his love for Cary…it will live forever in my mind. May you find peace, Nathan Lane.

As everyone drinks the champagne, Alicia sits moodily in her office, “doing work” (being angry), and Diane comes in to say that she’s being rude and needs to come out and act appreciative. Alicia says, “Swell. So, fuck you very much, too.” Actually, she doesn’t say that. I’m saying it for her. Diane continues, telling her to stop pouting. She tells her own heart-warming story of Moving On Up: the only reason she herself was ever made a partner was because the old boss needed a female presence, not because of her actual worth. She says, you don’t complain. You just take what you can get in this world, especially when you’re a lady. And then she leaves.

I hate this speech, no matter how true it is, and I want Alicia to refuse to listen to it. I want her to say, “Thanks but no thanks, guys, I’ll keep my $600,000 and my dignity, smell ya later.” And from the still-deeply-disappointed look on her face, you almost believe she will. But in a few moments, she emerges from her office as Diane knew she would. She makes the rounds, thanking all the other equity partners in the room, saying they won’t be disappointed. It is a line, a speech, mechanical and empty, and the look on Diane’s face right before the screen fades to black shows it: they’ve won, but they’ve lost. Alicia’s won, but she’s lost. She got her promotion, and Diane convinced her to take it, but Alicia isn’t going to bow down in graciousness past what she’s required. Something precious has been broken, and everyone knows it.

ChumHum guy and his girl are fine, by the way, after David Lee pulls a gallon and a half of real low moves which, once again, make me hate him for now. They make the prenup better and live happily ever after, probably, maybe. Who cares?

What were your thought on the episode? How are you feeling about Diane and Will right about now? Do you think things will be different between them and Alicia? What are your continuing thoughts on Maddie? And most importantly, what would you subpoena Kalinda for?

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