All right, Emily Owens fans, don’t get too excited in your lesbian feels for this one: we do get some more Tyra and Hot Molly plot line in this episode, but warning: it is not good. However, do not despair, because there is SO much Bandari! And in the end everyone gets to wear sparkly dresses like it’s Hospital Prom! Also, there’s a gay patient who will squeeze on all of our gay hearts!
We begin with Tyra and Emily waiting in line outside for coffee, per usual in Denver I guess, and Emily starts going on about how about how Will is so totally in love with her right, using the metaphor of Magic Eye to explain her sudden glee. Yes, Magic Eye! The visual trickery of wavy colored lines and patterns on paper that wasted so many hours of all of our lives in the 90s! This is hands down the most geeky and amazing reference I have ever heard on a show ever! And Emily Owens delivers it without even a trace of embarrassment! A+, writers, for truly making her the biggest nerd!
We then meet our patients o’ the week: a dashing young fellow who lost his eye when he jumped off a cliff-like, on purpose-but was able to have it re-attached or something gross-but-remarkable. Adrenaline junkies are weird. You become much more attached to this adrenaline junkie, however, when Emily asks him some questions about his personal history from his chart, and he reveals that he hasn’t been in contact with his family since he came out. He says this casually, and Emily accepts it casually as well, and they’re all like, “Their loss,” but I just keep thinking, “You don’t even know your son jumped off a cliff on purpose and almost lost his eye, and don’t you want to know that, assholes?”
We also soon learn that the friend who has been by his side the entire time is not his partner, although he reeeeeally acts like he is, but is in fact straight, even though our almost-lost-his-eye guy is, duh, completely in love with him. All of our hearts breaketh for you, sweet almost-lost-an-eye guy. No, really.
The other patient is a charmingly well-mannered teenage boy, who’s having some chest pains, accompanied by his equally pleasant mother. They believe it’s just an effect of a hard blow in his soccer game, but after some x-rays, it’s revealed that he has a certified bullet stuck near his lung. Even though he has never been shot, confirmed by his absolute flawless lack-of-bullet-entrance scar anywhere on his torso. What is this sorcery?
The doctors try to come up with some cockamamie explanation-he inhaled it as a kid! (Huh?). But then as the mother reaches across the bed to stop him from updating his Facebook status about having a mysterious bullet lodged in his chest (a pretty badass Facebook status for a teen if there ever was one), Emily just happens to notice a bullet sized scar on the mother’s side. She pulls her into the hall and asks everyone’s favorite question, “Were you shot while you were pregnant?” Turns out Dad used to be in a gang; Mom thought everything was okay because her baby was still kicking in her stomach. But apparently, wombs and humans are amazing and were able to heal over the bullet in just the right way until the fated soccer ball dislodged it.
I have to say that while this kid and his mom were adorable, there was almost something a little too perfect about them. No teen is actually that pure, that Leave It To Beaver in the 21st Century with his mom. Even Rory and Lorelai were at least snarky with each other. And I also felt a little disappointed with the gang background. So the one black single-mom family in the episode, that appears so successful and happy, are only able to be that way because mom was able to escape from thug life? It can be a slippery slope, there.
In other hospital drama news, Bandari’s research project for some fancy valve thingamajig is off to a start, meaning that 1) she’s officially going to choose an assistant for it, which ends up being a race between Emily, Will, and Cassandra, of course, and 2) there’s going to be some big fundraiser for it, for which staff are recording a “What Bandari Means To Me” video. The interrogations that The Trio go through under Bandari’s critical eye for the assistantship are brutal, particularly when she asks them to describe why the others aren’t good for the position. But there are enough delicious “You stupid fools” looks from Bandari to make it all amusing.
Cassandra’s competitive claws are obviously all the way out, and while I love it when she’s feisty, I hate it when she’s forcibly saccharine sweet to get her way. For instance, when she does her video tribute for Bandari and sucks up in the most annoying sucking up manner ever. It makes her so much more unlikable than when she’s just mean.
In Tyra news, we witness her giving the cold shoulder to Hot Molly as they pass each other on the stairwell. Emily, along with the rest of us, wonders what’s up. Tyra scrunches up her face, says she got clingy. She explains the U-Haul joke. And collectively, we all ask, who the hell wouldn’t want Hot Molly to cling to them?!
Also, have we discussed that while I am not normally attracted to Emily Owens, with the exception of her ridiculously comforting voice, she has her hair back in a braid today and the way her front locks fall and frame her face is surprisingly cute?
As she and Tyra are getting their fancy clothes on for the Bandari shindig, a nurse runs around looking for Micah, and when Emily darts into the hall to see why, his mom is rushed by on her way to the OR. Emily shouts, “JOYCE!” I shout, “JOYCE!” I love Joyce! Emily puts off the important fundraiser to stay by Micah’s side as Joyce goes through surgery.
Joyce makes it out okay-yay Joyce!-but as Emily’s about to leave, she’s derailed once again, this time by Friend of Almost Eyeless Guy.
Almost Eyeless Guy is in a funk, and Friend is wondering if he can help. Oh, turns out he has some rare disease that won’t kill him but means he can’t jump off mountains anymore. She goes to his room to be a witness of the conversation full of ache that follows. Paraphrasing:
Friend: So we can’t jump off mountains together anymore, but nothing has to change.
Almost Eyeless Guy: Yeah, but the thing is, I love you.
Friend: I know.
Almost Eyeless Guy: You do?
Friend: I do. But because I am a remarkable human being, it doesn’t bother me. I just want to still be your friend. Nothing has to change.
Almost Eyeless Guy: That’s the thing, though. Nothing will change. But, I’m in love with you, and you’ll never be in love with me. And there’s only so much masochism a gay can take, you know? I want to be someone’s choice.
Meanwhile at the fundraiser, everyone’s looking hot and drinking champagne. Perhaps my favorite moment of the episode occurs when the champagne tray comes to Tyra, Will, and Cassandra, and Will takes two glasses. Tyra says, oh, good idea!, and takes the same. Then Will hands one of his to Cassandra. Tyra says, oh.
And then she locks eyes across the room with Hot Molly. Go to her, Tyra!
But she doesn’t.
Bandari and Principal Wood stroll in, both looking so handsome! Bandari gives a speech about how smart she is, still looking so handsome!
They show the “Why Bandari Is The Best” slideshow, and Bandari hates it and needs a drink which is actually why she’s the best, and Emily is reeeal awkward in it, haha. Doctor Dude Who She Cheated With Who Has Suddenly Shown Up has been lingering around all episode, and Bandari has been throwing her pretty lady eyes at him, including a weirdly flirty operation on Bullet in the Lung Kid-he’s fine-and I’ve been ignoring it because I don’t really like it, but here’s another gratuitous picture of Bandari’s lovey eyes anyway because those are always worth it.
To conclude the episode, Emily ends up getting Bandari’s assistantship because she is nice and gets patients to reveal crucial information. Cassandra is pissed, says, have fun babysitting patients, loser; walks away. Will says, I better go check on her. Emily says, but-she was really rude to me. Will says yeah, I know, but she’s hurt. When she’s hurt, she lashes out. This is, of course, true, and proves that Will is actually not totally horrible at caring for Cassandra, but it also makes Emily realize that, well, he is not totally horrible at caring for Cassandra. And what Almost Eyeless Guy just said makes something in her brain click. She’s done waiting. She wants to be chosen. I mean, the gays really have to teach you straighties everything.
Tyra and Emily have also had some Real Talk about how maybe Tyra doesn’t take chances because she’s afraid of getting hurt. So she decides to finally run after Hot Molly as she’s walking out the door, and say, listen. I’m sorry I blew you off. I tend to push away things that I want, so I don’t have to worry about losing them. And it’s lame. And I really like you. So can we go out again? Molly looks at her and says-no. “I don’t want to be your practice relationship.”
While the upside is that we do get to see Molly in a badass leather jacket over her swishy dress, which is a lovely combo, the downside is of course that this sucks. And while I hear her sentiment, Tyra’s speech also seemed rather genuine, and if you really liked someone, you’d think you’d at least give it one more try. Alas, it seems like they have lived The Shortest Lesbian Relationship Ever, which is a major bummer among bummers. To be fair, other than a few sexy glances, their chemistry was never really developed whatsoever, so we can’t be too heartbroken, except to be angry about the fact that their chemistry was never really developed whatsoever. I don’t know if there’s enough time in the series left to actually develop Tyra, and perhaps a new possible love interest, more, but golly I’d love to see it.
Just as Emily and Micah are sharing champagne on the roof in celebration of Emily’s new position and also new emotional freedom, along with Micah’s mom not dying and stuff, and you think that maybe Micah is finally going to break his Brian Krakow character of hiding his destined love forever-in their perfect prom outfits and everything!-Tyra bursts in to tell the sad tale of her harsh rejection. Emily says, pull up a seat and take a swig, sister.
If you’re mourning the loss of Hot Molly, the actress, Jeananne Goossan, will be playing a role on the new Kevin Bacon Fox thriller series, The Following. This looks way way too scary for me, but if you’re looking for suspense and more of her face, you may want to check it out.
What were your thoughts? Was Molly too harsh? Will Bandari stay with Principal Wood? And will Almost Eyeless Guy find happiness someday?
