“American Horror Story” recap (1.12): “I haven’t begun to toy with you.”

Well hello you brave ladies (and I guess hypothetically a few gentlemen). So here we are, one week away from the season finale and miles to go before we sleep. Last night’s episode offered forays into more cerebral realms of terror than in the past. The episode didn’t focus on a monster or villain of the week so much as it explored the idea of an individual’s mind or character turning on itself. It made for some moments of genuine dread and I wish it had been a theme more fully explored throughout the season.

So, when last we left our surviving heroes, Jude was locked in the deepest dungeon of the highest tower of Briarcliff, Lana donned a pair of “fuck the world” sunglasses and went into seclusion to write her book, and Kit arrived home with Grace and their baby, only to find Alma already holding down the fort with their baby. If you’ll recall, I made a rather crass Sister Wives joke about that at the time, which I regret now, since obviously that scenario would be impossible. I mean, to believe that you could have simultaneous relationships with two women and all raise your alien-gestated babies together in perfect bliss, you would have to be The Most Gullible Man on Earth.


Oh right.

Right from the get-go, we sense that there might be a spot of trouble in paradise.


AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH KIT’S UNDERWEAR IS SCARIER THAN THE BLOOOOOOOOD.

To relate this tale of woe, we flash back a few days and get a glimpse of life in the Walker household. It’s 1967, so they’re doing it up hippie commune style—planting vegetables, going to freedom marches, macramé-ing anything they can get their hands on, and drawing pictures of their alien captors. Or wait, just Grace is doing the alien thing, and Alma would really prefer it if she would let that go so they can get on with their normal lives as Massachusetts’ only mixed-race polygamous family. This plus the strain of spiking Kit back and forth between each other like a sex volleyball, has brought a lot of tension to Alma and Grace’s relationship.

Alma: Could you please stop teaching the children that they come from space? If they go around saying that we’ll have to home-school them and frankly they are weird enough already.
Grace: Why do you want to deny this beautiful experience we had?
Alma: Denial is a healthy response to any experience that involves metal probes.
Grace: Whatever, soon the aliens will come back for us and Kit. His mind is so beautifully open and pure that a new civilization will spring from his mind-loins.
Alma: I really hate arguing with you when you’re high.

That night, as Grace begins verse 47 of “The Times, They Are A’Changin,” Alma finally snaps.


“How’s that whole Age of Aquarius thing working for you now?”

Let us all take a moment of silence for Grace, who looked really hot that one time when she was mostly naked in the hydrotherapy room.

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