The following memorial service is performed in tandem by Elaine Atwell and Dana Piccoli.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of Lip Service, taken from us after only two seasons.
All non-Middle Earth photos courtesy of BBC
While the show had its flaws, it also seemed to have found its footing in the last few episodes, which makes its cancellation that much sadder. However, just because the show is over doesn’t mean its characters haven’t gone on to leave productive, satisfying lives — many of them in other fictional universes. Allow us to disclose to you their fates:
Frankie had it the roughest of any Servant of the Lip, what with her virtual orphanhood and allergies to sunlight and food, which forced her to subsist on a strict diet of booze and self-loathing. The loss of Cat left her devastated and also without an endlessly fascinating/destructive reason to go on living. She was skulking under a bridge one afternoon, pondering the tragedy of her fate, when she noticed a curious shiny object among the trash.
LotR photos courtesy of New Line Cinema
All those who seek her are encouraged to search the Misty Mountains or several of the dodgier pub toilets in Glasgow.
Sadie was always a charming ball of dysfunction and bangs who could never quite get her act together. She left Glasgow on a crime spree with Little Miss Rockabilly which took her all the way back to her hometown of London. While there, she was caught in a freak lightning storm, which granted her a superpower: the ability to make anyone do her bidding. She parlayed this phenomenon into several relationships with heretofore closeted actors and a call-in advice show on BBC4.
In its first year on the air, car thefts in the U.K. increased 300%; however, the median coolness of national hairstyles rose by the same margin, so it was considered an acceptable compromise.
Sam Murray and Lexy Price
Sam and Lexy continued their tumultuous relationship for a few months, lady sexing until the wee hours of the morn. One day, however, Sam made the mistake of finally asking Lexy, “What’s the deal with your hair?” This ended up being a deal breaker for Lexy, who draws the line at discussing her pompadorable. They parted ways amicably to pursue new interests.
In a stroke of kismet, Sam met Gwen Cooper (on holiday from Cardiff) at a DIY Haggis seminar. Their connection was instantaneous, and from the moment Gwen asked Sam to “open the ooooooven” for her, Sam knew she was in love. The hot cop moved to Cardiff with Gwen and joined the Torchwood team, where she is currently helping protect the earth from alien threats. They have plans to wed as soon as they return from this pesky alternative universe episode.
Lexy decided to follow her real dream, and moved to LA to open up Sexy Lexy’s Eyebrow Emporium. Her unique eyebrow shaping techniques took the town by storm, and celebs and socialites can be seen walking Rodeo Drive with her patented “perpetually surprised” look. She doesn’t seem to miss life as a doctor, because she’s now dating an actress who plays one on TV. She and Tess still Skype.
I’m sorry to report that Tess went through a tough patch after the season two finale. Her acting career failed to take off and she had a further string of girlfriends who failed to appreciate that she is the cutest thing this side of a kitten playing with bubbles.
Insert Tess Picture. Caption:“Why yes, I AM the love child of a koala and a rainbow.
She eventually took her meager savings to open a small tea shop and slide quietly into spinsterhood. However, one day she was roused by a tinkle of bells at the front door, and a mysterious woman appeared.
Fifteen minutes later, Tess turned the tea shop sign from “open” to “closed” and while no one has seen her or River Song since, the sounds emanating from within would seem to indicate that they are both quite all right.
Jay got married to a figure skater, and he bought her a dishwasher and a coffee percolator. LOL just kidding Jay died.
Ed went on to write a trilogy of best selling sci-fi novels about a society of ancient, mystical Scottish lesbians. It’s currently being optioned by Focus Features. At Comic Con, he met the girl of his dreams; she was dressed in cosplay as Arwen from Lord of the Rings. Until it closed, they used to hang out in Tess’s tea shop, eat biscuits and talk about X-Men.. They are still madly in love.
Now that Lip Service is no longer, the ghost of Cat MacKenzie was finally free … to pursue pilot season. You can expect to see her as “A Cold Chill” in an upcoming episode of Elementary, and a 3 episode arc as “A Lingering Shadow” in an untitled Sarah Michelle Gellar vehicle. She is still waiting to hear back about Paranormal State.
Please let us know in the comment section if you have any further updates as to the fates of our favorite Scottish lesbians.