“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (3.15): Bringing down the big gay house

We open with, big surprise, the last requisite murder of the season. At first, we think it’s a standard scene of domestic intranquility. But wait, it’s a play within a crime drama within a lesbian show. That prop gun was loaded with real bullets. And good thing it was because now we have a reason to visit with our favorite medical examiner and homicide detective.

Back at the Isles Estate, Det. Jane Rizzoli is there because Det. Jane Rizzoli is always at Dr. Maura Isles’ house. This time they’re playing with what appears to be bones and wires. Kinky. But then even kinkier Maura shows off her new “Al Fresco Lunch Tray Pants” to Jane. They have a Velcro apron that turns into, well, a lunch tray. Jane will definitely be dining in tonight. She’ll start by bobbing for apples.

As tempted by the not-so forbidden fruit as Jane is, she knows something more is afoot. Noticing Maura’s UPS boxes, she calls out her nervous tell. Yep, Maura’s stressed because her bio-mom Hope keeps asking her for a kidney. Jane tells Maura to stand her ground and keep all of her vital organs inside her body where they belong. You can see why Jane would get protective of all Maura’s parts. They are very nice parts.

Just them Tommy walks in. The dimmest Rizzoli looks over at the bones and wires and smartly says, “Ew, you do that in the kitchen?” I know, Tommy, I’m normally against hanky panky in areas of food preparation for sanitary purposes. But hot it hot. Then murder calls, and Jane complains because she wanted to “go to bed” early. Of course you did, honey. Our ladies answer in their signature, “Rizzoli” and “Isles” style and Tommy says that is so cool. And then that Jane is “so lucky” to be able to solve murders with Maura. I take it back, he’s not the dimmest – he’s the truthiest.

At the crime scene, Maura notices a city council member (his wife is directing a community theater play with the most overly detailed set in the history of community theater), and immediately wants to complain about the potholes on her street. Jane grabs her girlfriend and acts as the voice of reason. Murder then civic complaints – priorities, dear. By the way, Jane has busted out the Ponytail of Righteous Justice just for us because it’ll be a long break until summer and it’s also raining or something. I love the rain.

Jane looks over the dead community theater actor’s body and says she’d be in shock too if she fired a pretend gun and killed her co-star. Note to Rizzoli & Isles Producers: Never have Angie Harmon fire a pretend gun at Sasha Alexander. Ever. We can never be too careful.

Back in the autopsy room, Maura is holding a human heart when she hears Jane using her laptop. She rushes over so they can read the latest Rizzles fanfic together. After giggling over a few particularly steamy ones, Maura returns to slice up the heart just as Jane starts whining about Lt. Col. Beard Force. Symbolism much? Maura also discovers the dead guy’s heart is riddled with ball bearings. She notes some of them are irregular and then goes off on a fun fact tangent about how this will cause radial friction and won’t support radial and axial loads. But Jane has wandered off, and Maura frowns. Guess they won’t be reenacting that one fic tonight after all.

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