“The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons” recap (1.8): Honey, I’m Homeless


The episode begins with San Diego still in shambles. Frank attributes San Diego’s problems to his teammates’ reluctance to let him lead. “I can definitely get my team to the finish line if they would just let me lead them to it,” he tells us. He is completely earnest – and therefore completely self-unaware. Did he forget calling Sam a “fat piece of shit,” reneging on an agreement with Zach to go into the mental elimination challenge, and then almost getting into a fist fight with Zach in the last episode? Frank may be competent in mental challenges, but in the game of life, he can’t find a clue.

Meanwhile, Zach has vowed to make Frank’s life miserable. “[Frank] is a punk bitch,” he tells his love interest, Cancun’s Jonna. Jonna has problems of her own. An ex boyfriend of hers has stolen all of her possessions, including her car, and she is afraid of ending up homeless after The Challenge.

This week’s challenge is called Hunger Games, but instead of running around a stadium full of deadly traps, the contestants must bet on how many items of a particular food they can consume in a given amount of time. If anyone on a team pukes or fails to eat the amount stated, the team loses.

“You guys can’t make me look dumb,” Frank tells his teammates, because again, it is all about him. “You’re a pathetic, cowardly bastard,” Zach tells him. Meanwhile, the rest of the teams watch San Diego’s in fighting with amusement. Says Trishelle, “I love to sit back and watch San Diego sometimes. They just never ever stop fighting. It’s sort of like a television show. It’s great!” Actually, it is a television show. Imagine that. And I’d like to suggest the first food item for everyone except San Diego: popcorn. Everyone sits backs and munches away until San Diego gets eliminated by killing each other — kind of like the other Hunger Games.

In the first round, Cancun bets that they can eat 51 pieces of baklava in 4 minutes, but they end up eating only 49. Off to the losers’ round they go. In the second round, Brooklyn bets they can eat 35 grape leaves, but they burn through the plate, eating 47, probably because grape leaves are yummy. And bonus — Brooklyn gets to choose which team goes into the losers’ round, and with delight, they send in the increasingly ridiculous San Diego.

In round three, St. Thomas bets 18 chili peppers and Vegas, playing it safe, bets 1. The losers have already been determined, so why suffer? Marie doesn’t suffer through the round, though. She absolutely loves raw chilis, and she pops them in like Skittles. Robb, though, looks like he is about to turn a permanent shade of crimson. St. Thomas ends up eating 25, so they go into the winners’ round against Brooklyn.

The winners get to eat cow liver. Marie pukes, so St. Thomas is disqualified. Brooklyn becomes the power team yet again. The losers get to eat cow intestines topped with cow testicles. Tasty. Zach tells us that this is his worst nightmare. “Intestines carry crap in them, and testicles carry semen, neither of which I want near my mouth, ever.” Cancun, having and eating more guts and balls, beats San Diego, who automatically goes into the elimination round.

Back at the house San Diego’s in fighting continues, and Frank storms off. He throws a tantrum and shrieks at Marie, telling her that his team is making him look like a crazy person. Actually, he’s managing that quite well on his own.

Brooklyn decides to throw Cancun into the elimination round against San Diego in a physical challenge. Sam and Zach go in for San Diego, and CJ and Jasmine go in for Cancun.

The challenge is Hall Brawl, where contestants must run through each other in a narrow hallway and ring a bell on the opposite side. Sam easily gets past Jasmine twice, and it is 1-0 in favor of Cancun. Then it is Zach against CJ, and while it looks Zach could easily wipe the ground with CJ, CJ is scrappier and faster and delivers an upset, and then the score is tied.

TJ flips a coin to see who is going into the tiebreaker round, and it is the guys. Again, CJ gets the best of Zach, literally dragging him to the bell. In the second attempt, Zach gets smart and leaps over CJ to win. In the sudden death round, Zach, bleeding from his arm, barrels over CJ and drags him over to the bell. CJ and Jasmine are going home.

In the preview for the next episode, several brawls break out in every corner of the house, and the last scene shows Frank trying to pick Sam up, who is lying on the ground, having just been tossed over a large potted plant. The Real World, always keeping it classy.

More you may like