Previously on Glee, “Grease” was the word, was the word that you heard, it had mood, it had meaning. Just joshing with you. “Retard” was the word and it was spoken aloud by Finn Hudson in reference to a baby. Artie & Co. cast Unique in the role of Rizzo, much to the chagrin of Sue Sylvester. And, after his breakup with Kurt, Blaine was the saddest thing you’ve ever seen in your life. Like if those homeless puppies from the Sarah McLachlan commercial starred in a two-hour movie that was filmed in 3D and written by Nicholas Sparks.
Will finally announces to New Directions that he will be abandoning them to join the Blue Ribbon Committee on Insufferability in Washington D.C. whereby he will secure funding for “the arts” while working as a Paul Ryan impersonator on the weekends. This means, of course, that Finn Hudson will be taking over the glee club. When Tina protests, Will explains that Finn is like one of those baby animals that suckled at the teet of a whole different species when it was a child because its mother rejected it, which made his introduction into the wild kind of complicated and unsuccessful and so now he has returned to drink Will’s breast milk for all time.
Tina isn’t the only one who’s pissed about Finn. Sue calls a meeting in Figgins’ office and says that Finn’s appointment to the role of New Directions leader means her truce with the glee club is off. Figgins explains that glee club is extra-curricular activity, and as such, Finn doesn’t need to be qualified to lead it. And anyway, this is a school where Will Schuester taught Spanish for like ten years without ever even knowing a word of Spanish. Qualifications Shmalifications. Sue storms out like it’s season one.
NYADA. Rachel has secured herself an audition in an off-Broadway production of The Glass Menagerie, but she can’t feel good about it until a boy tells her she should feel good about it, so she asks Brody if it’s OK to feel good about it. She also tells him that she and Finn are broken up for good for real for sure this time. Sensing an impending invitation to her pants party, Brody says he’ll help her prep for her audition. Cassandra July is lurking around outside the room, creeping on their conversation, twirling her evil mustache and fingering the rope she’ll use later to tie Rachel to some train tracks. She peeks her head in and tells Rachel not to bother with the audition because the director will devour her, but rather than heed her advice, Rachel suggests Cassandra audition as well. You know, for the older part. To get back in the game.
Cassie goes, “Speaking of Machiavellianism, Brody, would you like to be my TA and assist me in the dark of night?” He sure would!
At McKinley, Marley is having trouble fitting into her Sandy costume. Her regular clothes, the ones she wears every day, those fit just fine. Every morning she puts on her clothes that fit and every night she takes off her clothes that fit, but for some gosh darn reason, this costume appears to be shrinking. That is because it is shrinking. Kitty has been sneaking into the auditorium and taking it in. She has also decided to befriend Marley and Unique and Tina and Brittany. She invites them over for a sleepover, to eat popcorn and talk about boys and talk shit about their classmates in the Burn Book.