Archive

“The Good Wife” recap: “My girlfriend is a federal agent” (4.3)

Man, I hope this recap turns out okay; there’s something about me that feels a little off today. Oh, wait! That’s just the bad taste in my mouth still left over from last night’s The Good Wife!

Let’s start with Everyone’s Favorite Storyline to Detest. As you know, I’ve tried to be sympathetic to Kalinda’s conflicting emotions regarding the Creeper Abusive Husband. But as this storyline continues to drag on, I hardly saw any conflict in those dark, lovely Kalinda eyes this episode, just restrained anger at best and a resigned apathy at worst. They’ve at least stopped beating each other up followed by aggressive sex afterwards, but this dragging on whatever strained relationship they have at this point is almost worse.

To be fair, after examining this episode again, there were actually some high points for Kalinda in this episode, which may signal that the end is to come for Husband. But it just really needs to happen fast. We need our lady back.

We first see her in this episode as she and Creeper Husband are “making breakfast,” meaning, Husband says, “Make me an omelet!” I actually think his lines go something like: “Me husband! You wife! Me own you! You make omelet, yum! Ooga ooga!” To her credit, Kalinda does angrily, and sexily, start cracking the eggs one-handed and dropping them raw onto his plate in response. Husband then takes an egg, crushes it in his hand, and smears the goo all over Kalinda’s chest. Because that’s the appropriate reaction.

Then they draw knives on each other, but, eh, your threats of violence aren’t even interesting or believable anymore, guys. Kalinda says, “This isn’t your home anymore,” but even if it’s not, it certainly seems like dude is living there at this point, Kalinda.

Then, the moment we’ve all been waiting for, the return of Jill Flint as FBI Agent Lana Delaney. And when she shows up, she and Kalinda are already both naked and in her bed! Whoo, right? Except, no whoo. The opposite of whoo.

Kalinda’s face looks sadder and more distant than ever. And when she gets a call from Husband, the tryst is really over. Lana says, “I feel like I’m warming you up for someone else.” I also feel that this is a weird line, because while Kalinda is in a hurry to go, it doesn’t seem like she’s in the sexytimes mood at all for anyone, and Lana’s suspicions seem too illogically close to reality. I know she’s an FBI Agent and stuff, it just seemed too, “This is a line explaining to the audience what’s happening!” as opposed to what someone in that situation would actually say. But maybe that’s just me. And then Kalinda peaces out. But she does promise to meet with Lana again the next night, apparently believing her head might clear by then.

And when she does show up to meet Lana at the bar, her face does look happier, more relaxed, more Kalinda-like. And then guess who pops up behind Lana’s head? That’s right. Enemy Number One. Not only is Kalinda not sexing Lana up as she should, but Lana has now become a pawn in their twisted game. No no no no!

This is, however, what I believe–what I hope!–is the turning point. Kalinda excuses herself, and Husband follows right after. She turns, they face each other. And the specific turning point moment is when Husband says just one word: “Dyke.”

AND THEN SHE PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE. And walks away, presumably, to continue her evening with Lana.

Okay. So THAT? That was perfect.

The confrontation Kalinda and Husband have the next day after this contains both the most infuriating and the best lines of the episode. Husband, first of all, “forgives” her for her experimentation while he was away. Oh, that’s rich, Husband! But don’t worry, Daddy’s home now, so she can stop sleeping with women, stop with the “college dorm room stuff.” Ohh, Good Wife writers: you really know how to get under a lesbian’s skin.

He then says, you belong to me, I belong to you, blah blah, as if Kalinda belongs to anyone. To drive the nail into the coffin, he ends the conversation with a threat, saying, “And anyway, I know where your girlfriend lives.” This is the first line that allows Kalinda to crack a smile. “I’d love to see you try,” she quips. And then she says, “She’s a federal agent. My girlfriend is a federal agent.” And while I know she’s just throwing back the same condescending word he threw at her, I still loved to hear it, and the delivery! “My GIRL. FRIEND. is a federal. agent.” BOOM, son.

Alicia, meanwhile, is Stressing Out Big Time this episode because an intense, determined magazine reporter is hinting she has evidence of her and Will’s “affair,” a receipt for a hotel room stay the previous fall. This reporter, by the way, played by Miriam Shor, is relentless, and she plays the Evil Reporter role well. But cripes, is she attractive as she does so! Something about that low side ponytail and her overconfident snark is really working it for me, somehow.

When Alicia approaches Will about it to see if he can confirm they were together that night or not, he says he’ll look into it. As she gets up to leave, he reaches his hand out for hers, for a moment of reassurance, of care, and just as quick as he lifts his palm, her back is already turned, and he lets it fall.

Alas, it turns out she and Will are safe, which allows her to be happy for approximately seven seconds. After which, of course, she realizes that the real offending party must then be the other Florrick. Sad Times for Alicia, once again.

Eli hires Kalinda to get to the bottom of it, which she almost refuses to do. Kalinda will not help Peter. But Eli knows Kalinda’s weakness, and persuades her that it’s really helping Alicia, because in the end, it’s always Alicia who will hurt. Kalinda caves. Hence ensues the best storyline of the episode, of Kalinda standing by her woman yet again. When Kalinda and Peter end up on his tour bus together at one point, she excuses herself as quickly as possible. I like to think her inner monologue at this point is, “Ugh, ugh, get away from me, you horrible man who is not worthy of Alicia.”

She then interviews the girl who supposedly slept with Peter multiple times. When the girl reaches the point of saying she not only slept with him a bunch but Alicia saw her sleeping with him and didn’t mind it, the look on Kalinda’s face is priceless. Not only has this proven that the girl is full of hooey, but the incredulous smirk and the little eye roll Kalinda allows herself practically says out loud, “How dare you even think of mentioning my Alicia, you stupid, stupid little girl.” Kalicia forever.

Here are the other things that bothered me this episode, though. I was actually really into the trial storyline. The trial storylines are normally compelling, but this one was particularly interesting because it was nerdy, involving search engine politics and online businesses, and it also involved two smart girls going up against one Class A Jackass. Like, real premium scum of the earth dude. Not only was this absolutely horrible human being going down, but another high quality nincompoop from the world of academia got shit thrown at him, too. And there’s pretty much nothing I like better than jerks from academia getting reality shoved in their high and mighty faces. And this judge was the best.

But then in the end, when both Lockhart Gardner and the girls were poised to get a million dollars or more from this jerkface, turns out the jerkface sleazily won on his own. He bought out the girls, hiring them on to work for one of his companies, and instead of reveling in the justice of his obvious wrongdoing, they flit out of Alicia’s office, huge grins plastered on their faces like fangirls. What? I almost felt more angry about this than about Kalinda’s Husband! Okay, that’s a lie. Husband is always the worst. But this was really bad. One more strike for empowerment! Hurray!

But I almost forgot to mention! The guest star on this week’s episode was the invincible Rita Wilson, who defended the big jerkface. And while I find it generally impossible to hate Rita Wilson, man, did you hate her! Her hair is looking gorgeous than ever, though! She was such a conniving lawyer that she even tried to sweet talk Nathan Lane about the trial, which made him chuckle for the very first time during his whole guest role stint. In fact, you really warm to Nathan Lane’s character during this episode. Turns out he really is on Lockhart Gardner’s side, he’s just, like, doing his job.

When the news comes out that Peter really didn’t cheat on Alicia this time, the episode ends with her sweeping into his office, planting a big grateful kiss on his mouth. But Alicia, isn’t the fact that for most of this episode you were wracked in pain because you really believed he could have cheated on you again, a little upsetting? Should you really be that grateful? Also, did you see how adorably concerned for you Will was the whole time? Sigh.

WRITERS BEIN’ AWESOME

I have to say one of my favorite moments of this episode wasn’t a line, but a very quick moment, when Eli comes out of his initial meeting with Hot Reporter Who Wants to Bring Down His Campaign, and he suddenly angrily shakes a bizarre nearby plant in frustration. It’s not often that The Good Wife really makes you giggle, but this really made me giggle.

But of course, my number one line has to be–and I repeat–“My girlfriend is a federal agent.”

What were your thoughts? Does it seem like Husband is on his way out the door, or are you worried it’s going to drag on in a horrible Good Wife hell? How do you want to see him go down?

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Back to top button