“Pretty Dirty Secrets” recap: Halloween Heist

The Big Question about Pretty Dirty Secrets is: When will the black girl die? Just kidding. It’s: Is Shana good or evil? “A” Team or “L” Team? (As in: Lesbian Team. As in: She snagged Paige’s digits and saved them in her iPhone and is calling her at least once a day, which, be honest, is exactly what you would do as soon as you moved to Rosweood, PA.) Well, this week we finally get our Shana answer (Shanswer?).

Shana packs up her purse after a long day of selling burlap babyface zombie costumes and black hoodies to every person in town. On the way out the door, her phone rings, and here’s what we hear:

Stop hounding me, I told you I need some time! Look, you pressuring me isn’t going to help! I’m sure they’ll all be in the store before Halloween. Once I meet them — oh, you don’t have to worry about that. I was there. I was her friend too. You were right about Rosewood; I think I’m going to like it here.

Well, well, well! Shana was her friend! Who’s friend? My money is on Maya because these writers really stretched my disbelief as far as it will go in terms of convincing me that Alison DiLaurentis could make more than five friends in her whole entire monster-life. (Three Liars + CeCe Drake + That Guy With The Airplane.) So, Shana has come to town to avenge Maya’s death, is my guess! And oh, I love vengeance on this show! It always leads to so many dolls doing so many murders!

After Shana leaves, “A” appears from the shadows with a switchblade in his/her leather-gloved hand. “A” picks up a police badge and enjoys the weight of it in his/her hand. A security guard in a full uniform with a flashlight and a nightstick strolls into the store, whistling a tune, and “A” ducks around the corner, knife in hand, ready to just kill a dude! The security guard gets a call, so “A” rushes behind the counter to take a gander at the security footage from the last month.

There’s CeCe and Jason, screaming at each other about which one of them turned Ali into a hell-demon first. “A” caresses(!) CeCe’s face on the monitor. There’s the Black Swan dressed as the Black Swan, which causes “A” to nod a little bit. There’s Lucas doing fan fiction-type things to a zombie in a fitting room, Garrett looking squirrelly, Noel’s face doing the thing Noel’s face does non-stop, and, if you look reeeeeaaaaal close, the flap of Vivian Darkbloom’s red coat walking around in there.

“A” saves the files to a thumb drive, deletes them off the hard drive, then disappears into the night.

One thing I love about this web series is that most of the clues on PLL are just Spencer going, “CLUES! CLUES! CLUES!” but these little shorts are packed full of mystery! Only two weeks left until Halloween! Ahhhh! I can’t stand the wait! Are you ready for THE DEATH EXPRESS?

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