“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (3.10): Look what the Big Gay Stork brought

For a split-second I get excited that Maura and Jane might be recreating the Ghost scene. But no, it’s not the start of some pottery-based naked shenanigans. Instead it’s the start of some plaster-based gross shenanigans as an unseen someone sculpts the female form a little too literally. The crime is uncovered when some poor kid on a school fieldtrip notices a statue is having a case of armpit stigmata. Good luck with your therapy, kid.

Back in the homicide squad, Jane and Maura are bickering because that’s what they do – those adorable bickersons. Maura is giving Jane helpful suggestions on how to create a more clean congratulations sign for Frankie, who they think is about to be promoted to detective. Maura asks Jane is she’s sure Frankie has the job in the sack. Jane corrects her that it’s “in the bag,” but automatically knows what Maura’s thinking about. Did a certain medical examiner get lucky with a certain homicide detective this morning? That smile says yes.

Frost is just as excited about Frankie’s impending arrival. Good thing the Boston Police Department doesn’t have a rule against dating co-workers. He puts his prized doll action figure on Frankie’s desk as a welcome gift. Then Frankie walks out of Lieutenant Cavanaugh’s office and everyone gets ready to throw confetti. But wait, not so fast. We won’t be talking about Det. Rizzoli Junior anytime soon. Because someone else was promoted. Someone familiar. Someone like Riley, Jane’s totally lesbian suspected ecstasy dealer next-door neighbor.

Yep, Riley – now Det. Riley Cooper – was an undercover cop. First she flirts with Maura, then she takes Jane’s non-stick cookware and now she steals Frankie’s job. If this lady isn’t gunning for a Rizzoli fist sandwich I don’t know who is. But instead, Jane graciously welcomes her to the team. Frost and Frankie are a little less gracious. It’s so awkward when your shared beard shows up again. It’s also a little awkward when you come down with Lesbian Twin Syndrome on your first day of a new job.

Riley starts unpacking her desk – making sure to put a gratuitous product placement in one of her new drawers – and then confesses to Jane that she moved in next to her on purpose. She says it was to feel “safer,” but we all know the real reason. It’s because actress Daniella Alonso played a bisexual character on One Tree Hill and once you go gay, you don’t go back. Don’t worry, Riley, I’d move as close to Det. Jane Rizzoli as I could too.

Korsak has everyone give Riley their open cold cases as newbie hazing. Jane asks her why she’d date both her brother and partner while undercover. I have to say, I don’t know about the Boston PD’s promotion criteria. Hire someone who jeopardizes a year-long drug bust by dating not one, but two cops while undercover? She tells Jane she liked both of them. Jane snorts and says, “Please, you know you just wanted to get closer to me. But I’m taken – sucker.” Whatever, that’s what I heard.

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