The time has come. Blake, Aylin, Ali. The final week. At the end of the night, we will have a winner. I am nervous and emotional already so let’s just get this thing over with before my feelings explode.
Robert comes in to give The Last Homework Assignment and The Last Theme. The theme is, naturally, “Glee-ability,” which rolls off the tongue in an even clumsier manner than previous weeks’ made up words. And that’s saying a lot. The song is “You Can’t Stop the Beat” from Hairspray. Fun fun fun. Gosh, I am nervous. Robert is on his way out the door when he wheels around and says hey, we wanted you to have some EXTRA help, so…ta-da! Here come the rest of the cast!
Reunion! Reunion! Charlie and Aylin hug! Dani is there, looking gay and fabulous! Nellie is there, looking adorable as ever! That boring guy who got eliminated on the first episode is there! All the hugs! Yayyy!
Everyone seems jittery when it gets down to actually choreographing the song, but thankfully Ali is there to take charge. Then like magic, we are in the gym with Robert, everyone once again on those plastic chairs, waiting to see who The Last Guest Mentor will be. We see a VOTE UNICORN button being popped onto a blazer. And but of course — it’s Chris Colfer! The most likeable person in the history of all things! Or at least one of them! I mean, gosh, I just really like him. Are there people who don’t? Probably, but I don’t want to know about them because they sound mean and dumb.
Then we get this party started: everyone shoves aside those plastic chairs they’re sitting on and jump right into the song. And it is fabulous. Everyone sounds great and the whole thing just has this really positive, happy energy. Blake also does this ridiculous hyperactive dance move that is hard to describe but which is entertaining. There is also the splittest of split second where Dani and Nellie are in the same shot, dancing towards each other, and it is beautiful. Dani is wearing a hat and a tie and a vest like the splendid gender defying human she is and I want to hug her. I want to hug all of them.
Afterwards, Chris says he can’t decide on a homework winner and chooses all three of the final contestants. The choosing-everybody thing always feels like such a cop-out, but at the same time, it’s what I want to happen at this very moment for this entire episode. So, okay! Good non-choice choice!
The Last Group Number Song is then announced, which is “Tonight, Tonight.” I said, “Whoo, Smashing Pumpkins!” And man, was I pumped, because man, is that a great song. Then they say the actual artist: Hot Chelle Rae. So. Not Smashing Pumpkins, then. I have never heard of Hot Chelle Rae. I know I’m probably the only one, but, still, this is a bummer.
Onto the Last Dance Session With Zach and the Last Vocals With Nikki. Nikki explains her feelings about everything to Dude Who Sits Next To Her, who continues to sit there and nod while doing nothing else as he reliably has all season. I really thought he might say something this time! Just to be wild and crazy for the last show! Like, give a “Yeah,” or something! Nope. There is not much else to say here, other than everyone does decently and you can tell Zach and Nikki are already starting to feel emotional.
So we head to The Last Video Shoot With Erik, the set up of which is a high school prom. The roles assigned to the final three are the roles that the Glee writers have already started envisioning them as: Aylin, party girl from a conservative background. Blake, popular but humble football star. Ali, the mean girl. All the rest of the cast are here, as well, dolled up and looking fine.