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“Project Runway” recap: In Which People Peace the Hell Out

Previously on Project Runway, the contestants worked in pairs, Ven won again, and Andrea left mysteriously in the middle of the night. All of which leads up to a dramatic beginning of Episode 4. Did Andrea run away from the competition? Is she just an intense sleepwalker? Did she want a midnight snack and end up in an all-night diner in Manhattan and get carried away sipping coffee and talking to all the other insomniacs of the city until the sun came up?

OK. Sadly, Andrea doesn’t live in my fantasies. She just wanted to peace out of that piece. I have to say, in ten seasons there have been a few dramatic departures, but none as wimpy and weird as this. Sure, the stress can get to you, but talk to somebody first. Be an adult and tell somebody. Especially for somebody who’s been in the industry for a long time and who’s been a teacher? Weird, man.

All of the designers are told the news when they meet Tim Gunn at Michael Kors’ new flagship store on Madison Avenue. Let me tell you about this store–it is white. White epitomized. Balls to the wall white. White in high-def. Everything is so bright and clean it makes my eyes hurt a little, but in a painfully fascinating way. As in, I cannot stop staring at your store, Michael Kors. Am I on drugs? I feel like I am on drugs a little.

They discuss Andrea’s leaving; everyone is shocked and appalled. Tim and Michael give them a pep talk about how fashion is cutthroat and you have to have the strength to deal with that. This is the 8973487209843th time I’ve heard this speech on this show. Approximately. Michael then yells, “Fashion is not for sissies!” Wait, are we still using the word “sissies”? Is that still happening? And if we are, fashion kind of IS for sissies, amIright?

Regardless. As the contestants try to wrap their heads around Andrea going bye-bye, this week’s challenge is explained: designing a versatile look for the “on-the-go” woman. This challenge sounds kind of boring at first. An “on-the-go” woman” is a strange, faceless entity to me, just like the “modern woman”: a slogan, a catchphrase, something I see explained in commercials but which I’ve never actually seen in real life as a real person. Aren’t we ALL women on the go? Show me a person who’s not on the go. Also, come up with a better phrase than “on the go.”

But when it’s explained more, I think it’s actually a good challenge, since the designers will be able to showcase their own aesthetic, and will have to think about a look that could last all day, through work and then those inevitable cocktail parties we all go to every day. I mean, so many cocktail parties. It’ll have to be a sharp look, but one that’s actually wearable. I think the designers will produce some good stuff with this one.

Off to Mood we go, where the only important thing of note in my book is that Sonjia is wearing this adorably flouncy short skirt that she keeps running around in, showing that girl has legs for miles and it makes me feel happy and that is all.

And then, back to Parsen’s to start the making of the things. But first everyone has to decompress about Andrea a bit more. And then Kooan, who has been pretty quiet, awkwardly interrupts Buffi in the middle of her sentence and declares that he has something to say. In his polite yet clearly-thought-out speech, he essentially says, “Oh, yeah, so, right, I’m gonna go too. Byeeeee.”

At this point, people lose their shit a little. It seems like Kooan is very serious about this, and feels bad about leaving everyone but at peace with his decision, and at least he did it in the classy way that Andrea opted out of. He is clearly on a different creative plane than everyone else, and he explains that in order to create work that is true to him, he needs to work by himself in his own space.

Look, Kooan, I get this. That’s how most of us work best. But at this point I’m just starting to wonder–have these people ever watched this show before? The whole point of the show is take you out of your comfort zone! To force you to do crap you would never normally do! But you MAKE IT WORK! You make it work, people! It’s the point of the whole thing!

Sigh. Bye, Kooan.

To bring the competition back to a more level place where it was supposed to be at this point, as expected, they bring back the last-eliminated designer, Raul. 

I’m always happy to see people get second chances, but Raul seems a little too pumped to be back, a little too hyper. He seems to be zooming around in an OMG, OMG, OMG, GIRL, THAT’S RIGHT, type of fashion, while everyone else is very, “We’re still processing our emotions right now, OK, Raul?” Although everyone does seem happy that he is back and gives hugs. Well, everyone except for Ven, that is, who is really not that jazzed. Oh, Ven. You know what? I am starting to sort of enjoy your high-standards judginess, Ven. Your lack of good humor about absolutely anything makes me giggle.

But finally this whole whirlwind of drama starts to die down, and people can start getting down to the business of making stuff. It’s hard to get a good idea of how most people’s looks are shaping up in the workroom, but the only thing that’s clear is that Michael is really, really concerned about Buffi. He keeps giving her lots of “constructive criticism” and unwanted advice. I still like Michael, but it’s becoming increasingly clear that boy is really overly concerned with everyone else’s business. He does it in this sweet, genuinely concerned way, but still, everyone gets tired of that after awhile. The straw that breaks Buffi’s back is when Michael suggests she change the pink motif of her dress to black. And if there is one thing that Buffi is, it is pink. Rightfully so, she freaks out about it for awhile in the sewing room, all, “Don’t tell me I can’t use pink, bitch!”

But onto the runway we go! Our guest judges today are Hayden Panettiere, star of ABC’s upcoming series Nashville (although I do think describing her as “singer” might be pushin’ it a little, Lifetime), and fashion designer Rachel Roy.

It’s a good show, and I have to start with really raving about our girl Alicia. When her model walks out, at first it just looks like a plain white shirt and shorts.

But as soon as she starts to walk, I feel that Alicia’s Original Tomboy aesthetic is really shown for the first time for the classy yet strong–and hot–style that it is. Each piece is well made and fits just right and has the perfect proportion. And when I say the perfect proportion, I mean that the shorts are the perfect hot-dyke length and the shirt is just the right amount of short so that you can see the ittiest bit of skin in that oh-so-appealing side hip area. This shot of it doesn’t do it justice, but trust me, that ittiest bit of skin is wonderful.

Basically, if that girl walked down the street towards me, every lesbian sensor in my brain would alert and explode and I might want to jump on top of her right there and then and never let go. Uh, I mean, er, good job, Alicia.

Alicia, along with many other great designs, are safely in the middle once again. Buffi, Raul, and Fabio are in the bottom, with Sonjia, Michael, and Dmitry being in the top.

Everyone really loves Sonjia’s interestingly-manipulated charcoal dress, although they also really love Michael’s bad-ass yet sleek leather-jacket-enhanced one, as well. Fabio’s is too short and plain, considering that the only really interesting part about it is the pattern. All the judges basically say, YOU look awesome and interesting today, Fabio. How come your model doesn’t? And I agree; I still don’t understand Fabio’s point of view, but I think it could be a good one.

They also really hate Buffi’s pink chiffon zebra thing, as Michael feared. While I sort of agree with what the judges say, I also like that Buffi has a distinct point of view, and that she makes bright, kooky, interesting things. And anyway, it’s not nearly as atrocious as Raul’s, whose design is standing next to her above. There were at least five different pieces of fabric in Raul’s garment, and they all seemed to be a mess, and the thing just looked ugly to me. You know, in my oh so professional opinion.

In the end, Sonjia wins this time, and Hayden asks if she could wear the charcoal dress to a red carpet event. Oh, and in case you were wondering, Sonjia is still looking fine. She is so excited but in such a cute, humble way. She is just so…nice! Ugh, Sonjia. You are the best.

But sadly, the judges were somehow able to look over the horrifying mess of Raul, the designer who was already kicked off the show once, and Buffi is out.

Buffi’s departure feels like the first truly sad one, and she’s also the first one who shows true sadness herself about it. She was a great personality both in her spirit and her clothes and it’s just a bummer. But, thank God for Tim Gunn. He accordingly gives his first truly meaningful personal pep talk of the season, telling her: 

“I’m so proud of you. That was your look, that’s who you are as a designer. I said earlier it was going to be a matter of taste, and it was. So you were true to yourself.” 

This is why Tim Gunn is the heart and soul of this show. If I was kicked off of Project Runway, but left with a speech like that, I would leave Parsen’s saying, “Hell yeah, world! I was true to myself!”

And that seems to be how Buffi takes it, too. She says, tearily: “I’m going to be even more crazy and tacky and glittery and colorful, more than I was before.” In my book, any promise to be more glittery is a good promise. I’ll miss your face, Buffi.

The preview for next week shows the designers working for the best/worst client ever: the one, the only, Nina. Garcia. They’re also working in two large groups, and one group seems to be a complete disaster area. Sign me up for that!

Did you agree with Buffi’s departure? Am I weird for my ridiculous attraction to Alicia’s look? Also, isn’t Sonjia dreamy?

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