If you’re just tuning in to The Glee Project, here’s what you missed: We started last week with 14 contestants who are vying for a part-time gig on next season’s Glee. Each episode runs in a remarkably and probably unnecessarily complex fashion, like so:
Also, I want to mention that I know Tuesday nights are the gay-TV-parties of the summer, but if you’re already busy watching Pretty Little Liars and Rizzoli and Isles, never fear! The Glee Project episodes are free to watch on Oxygen’s website as well as Hulu.
So right off I’m going to start this recap with a bit of complaining. Yay! In that charmingly quick-spoken “Here’s what you missed!” recap of last episode they start with, just as in Glee, the narrator summarizes the new contestants by saying, “There’s pretty girls in all sizes — small, medium, and large!” while panning to girls they respectively consider small, medium, and large. Gross. Way to objectify women based on their body size, or on what you deem to be their body size! I bet that made them feel great. But thank God they are pretty!
They then point out the diversity in the rest of the cast in similarly blunt ways, like, “There’s a transgender dude and a blind black dude and a punky Asian dude and a girl in a wheelchair!” Gross. “Look at all our token casting! All you need to know about them is how they’re different from the rest of the people, which you would have of course found out by just watching the show, but we needed to point it out to you beforehand anyway!” They then describe Our Girl Dani as someone who “looks like Justin Bieber, but is ACTUALLY a girl!” Wow. Swell. ALSO, there are “lots of smart guys who are CUTE, too!” OMG I totally didn’t know that could even happen! I’m, like, so glad there are so many smart-cute people of all sizes on this show!
Aside from these massive superficial stereotypes the show has already boxed these contestants into for us, let me say that they are mostly actually quite charming and interesting. So let’s see what they’re up to this week.
Robert, Glee casting director and mentor and judge for these Glee Project kiddos, gathers everyone around for the reveal of this week’s theme. Oh, there are themes, too! This week it’s Dance-ability! Which you already know from the title of this recap. Oops. Sorry for the spoiler letdown. Our Girl Dani says she’s “not the best of dancers.” Uh oh.
And now the homework song: “We Got the Beat” by the Go-Go’s. I approve of this selection!
As they’re splitting up who will sing each line amongst themselves, we see the first signs of CONFLICT! Yes! Last week everyone was all sweet and hugging each other and stuff, and who wants to see that each week? Boooring. But this week, Sweet Ali was all “I’d love to take this line!” and Mario From Maryland was all “No you ain’t, that’s my line and IT WILL BE MINE.” (Paraphrasing.)
Mario then further explains that it would be too predictable to have the person in the wheelchair — Sweet Ali — sing the “‘round and ‘round part” of the song while she wheels around. Which is, well, a really good point there, Mario.
So they bicker for a while about choreography and practice a bit and then “Never Lived With Strangers” Taryn goes into the girls’ dorm room and calls her mom and cries. Whoa, wait! This isn’t the time for this to happen! The episode like, just started! All you’ve done is practice a song! It’s probably still morning! I don’t think anyone’s even yelled at you! The time to call your mom and cry is when it’s late and you’re exhausted and everyone’s being mean to you! You clearly did not read your Reality TV Show handbook.
And then, bam. Peace out, bitches! We’re told Taryn has left the competition. After 1.15 episodes. Well. That was weird and not that exciting. We knew from last episode that Taryn felt uneasy about the whole thing, but to go through the whole process of casting, you would think one would have steeled oneself for the harsh realities of reality TV life. Plus, I liked her; she had good sass and a unique voice. Nice not-getting-to-know-you, Taryn. I do really hope you get to do good things.
We also sadly don’t get a dramatic wheeling-your-suitcase-away-through-the-door goodbye scene, because apparently Taryn left quietly without anyone knowing. So we get a Robert-breaking-the-news scene with lots of weepy background music, which is a decent second option. Everyone is shocked and sad. Robert then asks if they can pull themselves through this and, if they can, try their hardest to “still focus on Dance-ability.” Hahaha, saying “Dance-ability” while the emo music is playing and everyone still has their Shocked-Sad faces on is so amazing and hilarious! Probably because it’s not actually a word.