AfterEllen.com’s 2012 Summer TV Guide

The calendar turn to June means three things: warmer weather, pride month and summer TV. This summer a whole slew of returning favorites and new offerings await those with the good sense to sit on their couches with a nice cold drink as the mercury rises. And this season the shows with lesbian characters, lesbian-acting characters and God-I-wish-she-was-a-lesbian characters are many. So here is a rundown of the premiere dates for some of the shows with the highest queer quotient this summer. Sit back, grab the remote and enjoy the show.

JUNE 3

Drop Dead Diva (Lifetime, 9 p.m. Sundays): The sassy series about a plus-size lawyer whose body is inhabited by the soul of a deceased supermodel is back with out comic Margaret Cho along again for a fourth season.

Longmire (A&E, 10 p.m. Sundays): Three words: Starbuck is back. OK, not really. But Katee Sackhoff returns to TV – in uniform no less – as a sheriff’s deputy in a small Wyoming town in this new drama.

JUNE 4

Push Girls (Sundance, 10 p.m. Mondays): Documentary series about four young women who are in wheelchairs features out model Tiphany Adams (far right). The women, who were all paralyzed in car accidents, offer an inspiring and uplifting look at their lives.

JUNE 5

Pretty Little Liars (ABC Family, 8 p.m. Tuesdays): Now that crazy A is in the crazy bin and dearly deceased girlfriend is dearly deceased, we must brace ourselves for more near axe-murdering and zombie doll shenanigans per usual on our favorite show about a stalker with an unlimited text messaging plan. Also, there’s Shay Mitchell – because who doesn’t want to look at Shay Mitchell on their television screens all summer? No one, that’s who.

Rizzoli & Isles (TNT, 9 p.m. Tuesdays): They’re just friends, people. Can’t two friends engage in copious amounts of Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching, eye sex, boob grabbing and LLBFFing without people thinking they’re totally gay for each other? Oh, who are we kidding. The gayzzoli rides again. 

The Glee Project (Oxygen, 10 p.m. Tuesdays): Naya Rivera will be one of the celebrity mentors for the sophomore season of the show that keeps adding more characters to Glee. I know, I had you at Naya Rivera.

JUNE 10

True Blood (HBO, 9 p.m. Sundays): Vampires and werewolves and fairies, oh my! The blood-sucking gang’s all back, and this time former Law & Order: SVU star Chris Meloni is there too – though sadly without Mariska Hargitay. It’s also anyone’s guess whether Tara’s lady-loving ways will be back as well. But at least Pam has her face back. We missed your face, Pam.

JUNE 13

Dallas (TNT, 9 p.m. Wednesdays): The Ewing oil family as big as Texas is back in this new reboot (boot, get it, Texas – oh, never mind) of the famous series. All you really need to know is that Jordana Brewster is in the show.

JUNE 24

The Newsroom (HBO, 10 p.m. Sundays): If you’re a news junkie like me, you’re probably pretty curious about Aaron Sorkin’s new series about a nightly cable news show. If you’re not, it also stars Olivia Munn, Alison Pill and Emily Mortimer.

Army Wives (Lifetime, 10 p.m. Sundays): Earlier this spring Kellie Martin joined the cast as a gay army captain. So let’s hope we see more of her and her storyline when the midseason premiere debuts.

JULY 1

Weeds (Showtime, 10 p.m. Sundays): Nancy Botwin and therefore Mary-Louise Parker is back for the eighth season of everyone’s favorite show about a pot-dealing mother. And also maybe we’ll figure out who took a pot shot at Nancy (pot, get it – oh, never mind, you didn’t get the boot thing either).

JULY 2

Web Therapy (Showtime, 11 p.m. Mondays): Lisa Kudrow’s quirky therapist returns and this season her list of clients/guest stars will include Meryl Streep, Rosie O’Donnell, Conan O’Brien, Molly Shannon, Minnie Driver and Selma Blair. Oh, also David Schwimmer – so start singing the Friends theme song now.

JULY 9

The Closer (TNT, 9 p.m. Mondays): Only six episodes left of Kyra Sedgwick talking in a thick Southern accent and cracking criminals like nuts.

Perception (TNT, 10 p.m. Mondays): This new crime drama stars Eric McCormack as an eccentric neuroscience professor who helps the FBI solve complex cases. And while it’s all fine and good that Will is back on TV, I’m more interested in the fact that Rachael Leigh Cook plays an FBI agent. Where you been, girl? I still like She’s All That.

JULY 10

White Collar (USA Network, 9 p.m. Tuesdays): Marsha Thomason and her lesbian FBI Special Agent Diana Berrigan brings back the swagger for another season. And there’s also Matt Bomer, who is really pretty to look at even for us gay ladies.

Covert Affairs (USA Network, 10 p.m. Tuesdays): Piper Perabo runs around the globe and kicks people’s asses for the CIA again. The only way this show could be more perfect is if Lena Headey guest starred as a flower shop owner/sleeper cell assassin.

JULY 11

Damages (DirecTV, 9 p.m. Wednesdays): The fifth and final season brings Glenn Close and Rose Bryne back for more legal malfeasance.

Hit and Miss (DirecTV, 10 p.m. Wednesdays): This new original drama stars Chloe Sevigny as a pre-op MTF transsexual assassin. I know, say that six times fast.

JULY 12

The Real L Word (Showtime, 10 p.m. Thursdays): There will be naked lesbians, oh yes, there will. And this time they’ll be in Los Angeles and New York as members of the band Hunter Valentine join the cast.

JULY 15

Leverage (TNT, 8 p.m. Sundays): I didn’t watch the first four seasons of this show. But I understand it features Beth Riesgraf in a cat burglar suit. Perhaps I’ve been missing out.

Breaking Bad (AMC, 10 p.m. Sundays): I also don’t watch this show. But I hear about it endlessly on my Twitter feed Monday mornings. So, you know, there’s that.

Political Animals (USA Network, 10 p.m. Sundays): This new six-part miniseries about Washington D.C. stars Sigourney Weaver as a the Secretary of State and Carla Gugino as a reporter. Yep, I’m sold.

JULY 23
Warehouse 13 (Syfy, 9 p.m. Mondays): Repeat after me: In pocket watch we trust. Last season ended explosively with the apparent end of H.G. Wells and her love for Agent Myka Bering. But in  pocket watch we trust, shippers, in pocket watch we trust.

Alphas (Syfy, 10 p.m. Mondays): A group of people with superhuman abilities work together to prevent crimes. So like X-Men but without Rebecca Romijn in blue body paint.

JULY 27

Summer Olympics (NBC, July 27-August 12): Strong, talented, hot female athletes being strong, talented and hot. God, I love summer.

So, there you have it. Some of this summer’s biggest offerings on the small screen. Which shows are you most excited about? I know one thing, my DVR will be sweating while I sit in the cool confines of my living room. Happy watching.

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