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Counting down our favorite episodes of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”

Maybe you are one of the thousands of people across the globe whose mind has recently been blown by the awesomeness of The Avengers. Maybe to keep the awesomeness alive in your head, you’re going through a little period of Must-Surround-Self-With-Joss-Awesomeness-All-The-Time. Maybe you read the note he wrote to fans, and it made you want to wrap him in your arms and keep him forever even more!

Well, never fear. Logo (our parent company) is here for you. AfterEllen.com is here for you.

On May 19th, Logo will air a Buffy-athon of Joss Whedon‘s personal top 10 favorite episodes. These include “Innocence,” “Once More With Feeling,” “Hush,” “The Body,” “Doppelgangland,” “The Wish,” “Becoming Part II,” “Restless,” “Conversations with Dead People,” and “Prophecy Girl.”

To get ourselves prepared for this TV Day of Awesomeness, we thought it’d be a good idea to list some of our own favorites. I stepped up to the task-and then immediately realized how nearly impossible it is to choose “some favorites” from 144 episodes of seven epic seasons of drama, hilarity, and so much gayness.

I decided to pick five that aren’t on Joss’ list, to get us in the Sunnydale mood without spoiling anything from those 10 episodes too much. There’s a certain joy about re-watching something you used to love and remembering all the great moments you somehow forgot. 

And anyway, what more can I say about “Once More With Feeling,” or “Hush,” that hasn’t been said? What new could I contribute about “Becoming Part II,” which includes not only the most heartbreaking Sarah McLachlan song usage in history but what I believe is still the most empowering dialogue to ever grace the screen. Let me paint the scene in case you’ve forgotten:

Evil Angel, hovering over Buffy as she’s pinned on the ground with a knife to her chest, antagonizes her: No weapons, no friends, no hope. Take all that away, and what’s left? Buffy, blade of the knife between her palms, replies: Me. 

And BAM, she shoves that knife BACK IN HIS FACE! BAM! This is what my written synopsis of this episode would be: “WHAT’S LEFT? ME! BAM! WHAT’S LEFT? ME, BITCH! ME! ME! BAM! BAM! ME!” interrupted occasionally by breaks to sob and make myself large bowls of ice cream (while sobbing).

Want me to write about “The Body”? Cool. Make that ten bowls of ice cream.

Okay, so there is in fact a lot I could say about all of these episodes. 

But here are the other five (or, er, six, or okay, seven) episodes I decided on, not necessarily because they are the Ultimate Best Ones, but because if my fiancée paces around the house with our episode guide from The Chosen Collection in hand yelling out, “No, THIS ONE! Oh God, you have to do THIS ONE! NO, NO, THIS ONE!!” for much longer, she may work herself into even more of a frenzy and pass out. So, here we go.

1) When She Was Bad (Season 2, Episode 1; Aired 9/15/97)

“When She Was Bad” may have less action, less drama, less suspense than other episodes. But Joss can do subtlety as well as he can do ass-kicking. While this episode actuality helps wrap up Season 1, it quietly yet perfectly re-introduces viewers to the nuanced layers of Buffy Summers for Season 2-independent but dependant, strong but vulnerable, slayer but human.

Most of the episode centers around Buffy being a bitch, but not even a crazy, overt bitch – a quietly cruel bitch, which is always worse. One by one she hurts the feelings of everyone she cares about while she herself is so mentally far away, so obviously hollow and lost. Weirdly, it’s like she’s being affected by that whole, you know, momentarily dying thing that occurred at the end of the first season. 

Combined with, or perhaps as an effect of, her posttraumatic stress, she decides to carry the burden of her responsibility too heavily, just as Harry Potter does in Book Five (okay, and a lot of the other books, too). Oh, we’re the Slayer/The Boy Who Lived! THIS IS OUR BATTLE! May we push away everyone who loves us most because that is what we must do even though EVERYONE ELSE KNOWS IT’S DUMB!

While Buffy’s busy being dumb, there’s also a creepy little kid and a gross monster dude working to resurrect The Master, the first season’s Big Bad and the cause of all of Buffy’s depression. God, I hate when creepy little kids resurrect people.

There are also so many great side-character moments in this episode-so many hilarious Cordelia lines; the zenith of Willow’s adorableness when she spells out in a whisper, “Why else would she be acting like such a B-I-T-C-H?” along with Xander’s endearingness when he replies, “A bitca?”; so many jean overalls worn by Willow; so many amazing back-and-forths between Giles and Principal Snyder:

Snyder: I mean, it’s incredible. One day the campus is completely bare. Empty. The next, there are children everywhere. Like locusts. Crawling around, mindlessly bent on feeding and mating. Destroying everything in sight in their relentless, pointless desire to exist.

Giles: I do enjoy these pep talks.

Snyder: There are some things I can just smell. It’s like a sixth sense.

Giles: No, actually, that would be one of the five.

Snyder: You really have faith in these kids, don’t you?

Giles: Yes, I do.

Snyder: Weird.

I love Principal Snyder so much. He’s the perfect representation of adults – and sadly, often, educators – thinking the worst of youth. Even with the triumphant rise of the teen character on TV today, there has never been another writer who bravely stood up for young people the way Joss Whedon did. And I mean, who doesn’t love a good comparison of children to locusts? A good locust comparison is always a winner.

Anyway. What this all builds up to, of course, is that second-to-last scene, when Buffy and company discover the resurrection-of-The-Master plan, and the very idea of the Master coming back, still haunting her, finally causes Buffy to break. When all the vampires have been killed and the plot dissolved, Willow sighs and says, “It’s over.” And when Xander looks at Buffy and says, “No, it’s not,” it’s one of those magical TV moments where you unconsciously hold your breath, tensing your stomach, until Buffy picks up the sledgehammer. You only start to let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding, slowly, with the first crash of the hammer against the bones of the Master’s skeleton. With each crank of her arm and each brittle bone broken, Buffy’s chest heaves and all the anger, all the pain, finally, finally seeps out of her, in a sad, violent, human expression of grief. 

When she’s exhausted herself and all of the emotion has drained her of her strength, she collapses into Angel, and you think, in the most delicate, yet excited way – she’s back. 

2) Passion (Season 2, Episode 17; Aired 2/24/98)

I knew I had to include this episode almost more than any other, because of one thing. Those stairs are seared into my brain.

I have a notoriously horrible memory. To be honest, although I’ve seen every episode, I hardly remembered any actual details about Buffy before I started re-watching some of it for this article, while my fiancée can recite entire episodes. Shameful, I know. But for some reason, more than any other scene in the entire series, I can always remember Jenny Calendar slamming into Angel on that flight of stairs beneath that creepy window and bam – like that, it being over.

Guns don’t kill people. Joss Whedon kills people. And this was the first time Joss killed somebody that viewers really cared about, the first death that shocked and devastated. There were obviously many more to come, but as Cat Stevens says, the first cut is the deepest. And can you cut any deeper than hurting Giles? No. The answer is no, no you can’t.

And to be killed when she was trying so hard to right her wrongs, to make it all up to Buffy and Giles, to make it all better! Gah! What a perfectly horrible, gut-wrenching death! The look on Giles’s face when he gets to his house and thinks he’s going to have, finally, a Night of Looooove with his love which is so adorable because he’s Giles, and your heart pounds because the whole time you’re like NO NO NO NO! Ugh! AND WILLOW CRIES!!!

The voiceover narrative by Angel throughout is also so dramatic and so good, full of ridiculous lines written in such a wonderfully Joss way. Which is funny, since Joss actually didn’t write this episode; it was written by Ty King. But the truth is anything related to Buffy is infused with Joss, so it still counts.

Passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? … Passion is the source of our finest moments: the joy of love, the clarity of hatred, and the ecstasy of grief … It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we’d know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank … without passion, we’d be truly dead.

In any other show crafted by any other person, such lines might ring out as painfully cheesy. But yet with Joss they are always perfect, and I can’t exactly explain why, other than just because it’s Joss, and that’s just the way it is.

Of course, the other important plot point of this episode is that Jenny Calendar’s death is the final cog in the wheel of Buffy’s brain, the one that smashes reality over her heart as she realizes that she truly must now kill Angel. Sigh, this storyline. So much tragedy. It is so effing wonderful. Billy Shakespeare would be so proud.

And LAST BUT NOT LEAST: Has there ever, ever, EVER been a more perfect “OH SNAP!” ending shot (and there are SO MANY “Oh snap!” ending shots in this series) than a FLOPPY DISK CLATTERING TO THE FLOOR IN SLOW-MO? 

1998, I love you so.

3) Something Blue (Season 4, Episode 9; Aired 11/30/99) & Fool For Love (Season 5, Episode 7; Aired 11/14/00)

Okay. So I’m cheating a little bit by squeezing two episodes into one slot. The thing is, I just love Spike SO. MUCH. So, so much. Hence, I wanted to squeeze in one funny Spike ep and one serious one for the well-rounded Spike experience, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me!

The most disappointing thing about both episodes is that we have to deal with Riley, and ugh, Riley. Having to look at his boring, valiant, perfect man-boy face reminds me so much of having to look at the boring, perfect, man-boy face of Dean for so many seasons of Gilmore Girls, and it’s like, come on, we all know Buffy Summers and Rory Gilmore are too good for you big boring dudes, geez.

Anyway. In “Something Blue,” Willow is super bummed about the sudden departure of Oz, and in her depression makes a witchy spell gone haywire which causes everything she says to be true. This results in Giles turning blind, Buffy and Spike being in love, and Xander being a “demon magnet.” (Xander, as often happens, really got a raw deal on this one.)

This entire episode is worth it just for the ten minutes of Buffy sitting on Spike’s lap as they dreamily plan their honeymoon while Giles bumbles around, flabbergasted and confused on so many levels. It is genius! Genius!

In addition, while Buffy Summers is actually normally not my type, she is looking particularly hot throughout this whole episode, especially with the casually-yet-perfectly messy hairdo and tanned shoulders deal she sports as she comforts a devastated Willow.

The beginning of “Fool For Love” starts in a way we’re not used to: it begins with Buffy losing. After a vamp stabs her in the abdomen with her own spike and almost kills her completely before Riley (ugh) heroically steps in, she’s forced to cope with thoughts of her inevitable immortality. For advice, she turns to Spike to get details on how he killed the two slayers he’s slain in the past.

I love any episodes of any TV show like these, where we are transported to worlds within a world to view a character’s history, because I feel like the writers and creators really get to let their imaginations run wild. The first Spike we meet is 19th century Spike, a love-scorned, heartbroken poet (aww, Spikey), who soon turns bad after his fateful run-in with Drusilla. 

Fast-forwarding to the 1970s in New York City, the second Spike we meet is a punked-out, pierced, ripped-stonewashed-jeans wearing Spike fighting a slayer on a graffitied subway car. This Billy Idol Spike makes me want to leap with joy! It is so perfect! Perfect! And the editing of this whole scene, with the camera seamlessly splicing between his battle with the 1970s slayer and his conversation with Buffy outside the Bronze as he lays down the harsh reality of Buffy’s world, of her inescapable attraction to death, is just so wonderfully done.

Spike: I could have danced all night with that one.

Buffy: You think we’re dancing?

Spike: That’s all we’ve ever done.

But then. Then, Buffy is such a big, cruel, horrible stupidface.

When he acknowledges the obvious sexual tension between them, knowing that he understands her in a way others don’t, she not only shoves him away with the shattering line that he, as always, is “beneath her,” but she deepens the pain and shame of her rejection by throwing her money all over him! And then she walks away like a badass! And he cries! And my heart twists itself all around my ribcage for his wasted love for her! Spike!

But then he gets pissed, and is all, “I’M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU SLAYER, YOU,” and marches up to her house with a gun, but then when he sees that she’s been sitting on her back porch crying, his face completely collapses because he just love-hates her so much and he only wants to comfort her and you know he would do anything for her just like Snape would do anything for Lily Potter!

Screw it, I’m making myself some ice cream anyway.

4) This Year’s Girl and Who Are You? (Season 4, Episodes 15 & 16; Aired 2/22/00 & 2/29/00)

I’m actually not trying to squeeze in an extra episode with this one too; it’s just a two-part-er and makes more sense together. Both of these episodes combined hold some of the greatest moments in the greatest lesbian relationships of the show. There’s Willow and Tara, of course – and then there’s Faith and Buffy.

For some reason when I thought about Tara recently, I remembered her being waifish and sweet in an almost irritating way, but when I watched these episodes I realized, “No, self! What is wrong with you?! She is adorable! Adorable! 100%, certified adorable!” This episode includes one of the sweetest, most lesbianic moments in history, when after Willow has said that she likes having something that’s just hers, Tara looks back at her over her shoulder and says, “I am, you know.” “What?” “Yours.”

Dear hardest of hearts: even you swooned, and you know it.

(Also: this hat happened.)

But to get to the more pressing matter at hand: Faith has been in a coma for nine months, ever since Buffy put her in one. When she finally wakes up, she reasonably has some unresolved issues to take up with the slayer. When they finally reunite, two things happen.

1. They have some seriously no-joking-around ass-kicking fights. Like, let’s toss each other through glass doors, break all manner of furniture, slam each other’s heads into walls, what have you. It is not sexy, no, nope, not at all. And I mean, I don’t get a little thrill each time Faith calls Buffy “B” with that sassy little sneer in her voice. Nope, never.

2. Using some thingamajig left to Faith by the Mayor, they accidentally switch bodies. Whoopsie!

What makes the Faith-Buffy relationship so intense is that they each have parts of themselves that understand the other perfectly. There’s almost no other relationship on the show that contains such fiery resentment, and it’s because no other relationship is so personal. There are parts of the other person they’re jealous of, and parts they despise because they know that somewhere inside themselves, they possess them, too. They fear but respect the other simultaneously, both in the deepest of ways.

This episode takes that dynamic to the next level by showing each girl what it’s literally like to be in the other’s skin. Sure, Faith taking over Buffy’s body is hilarious and amazing to watch. For instance, when she’s trying out some of her new facial expressions:

But in the end, it’s really not so funny at all when Buffy experiences firsthand how quickly the rest of the world writes off Faith, how it feels to be The One Everyone Hates. Faith, meanwhile, gets to feel what it’s like to have genuine affection in your life, people that believe in you; what it feels like to have the opportunity to do the right things. 

By the last scene before the spell is broken and they return to themselves, when Faith-in-Buffy’s-body is beating the crap out of Buffy-in-Faith’s-Body on the floor of that church, shouting, “You’re nothing! Nothing!,” you suddenly don’t know if Faith’s talking to Buffy anymore, or simply yelling at herself. And Buffy knows it.

In the last scenes, while everyone else is joyful that Faith has disappeared again, Buffy’s trying to contact her with nothing less than concern on her face. When she says, “I don’t think she’s coming back,” there is no peace, no relief in her statement, but some kind of sorrow, an empathy she can’t shake. 

And then we see Faith on an abandoned railroad car, face quiet, drawn, heading to nowhere, where she feels she belongs.

5) Tabula Rasa (Season 6, Episode 8; Aired 11/13/01)

I can’t think of a more perfect episode to end my list. This remarkable episode has the characteristics of all of my favorite pieces of art – it makes you laugh, a lot; and it makes you cry, a lot.

Shockingly, this episode centers around a witchy Willow spell gone awry. Oh, Willow, Willow. You show the signs of a true addict in this season, and like all addictions, an addiction to magic not only hurts yourself but those around you. The Tabula Rasa incantation is meant to erase painful memories for both Buffy (that whole, wishing-I-had-actually-died thing) and Tara (the awful fights she and Willow have been having). Instead, it erases everyone’s memories – oops? – and hilarity ensues.

Anya and Giles are in love! Spike has no idea he’s a vampire, and Buffy has no idea she’s the slayer! Spike thinks he’s Giles’s son! There’s lots of making fun of British people! And Anya keeps conjuring up bunnies!

The best part comes when some monsters who are after Spike show up at the door of the Magic Shop, and the whole crew squeals in terror.

While I giggled during many other episodes throughout this bout of Buffy re-watching of mine, this was the one that actually made me laugh out loud the most heartily. That is, until, of course, the spell is broken … and reality crashes down hard, and I mean hard.

Willow and Tara are splitting, and while your heart breaks for Willow, you also can’t blame Tara. Devastation abounds. Giles is leaving! Leaving! Giles! Buffy is still stuck in her almost-too-heavy-to-bear misery of being forced back to life, and Spike – well, Spike gets to make out with Buffy … but only because Buffy is sad, which somehow seems the cruelest thing of all.

And during the montage of all this happening, Michelle Branch is performing “Goodbye To You.” Now, as I mentioned at the beginning of this very long article, we always remember Sarah McLachlan’s “Full of Grace” as being so closely linked to our Buffy memories and rightfully so, but this song in this episode seems to be overlooked. There is something about “Goodbye To You” – it’s one of those sentimental pop songs that really hip people would never admit to loving. But I firmly believe it’s next to impossible to listen to it without SOME feelings, without it affecting SOME part of your hidden emotional core; it’s hard to listen to it and not feel some kind of ache. And making us ache is something that Joss Whedon does so very, very well.

So what did I miss? What are YOUR Top 10?

Also, if this list isn’t gay enough for you, check out AfterElton’s Top 5 Gayest Episodes, which includes five more excellent (and gay) episodes I didn’t get to include.

I must admit that I was a late-bloomer when it came to Buffy, similar to how I was late to the awareness of my lesbianism. In fact, my introduction to both occurred simultaneously, two events which are not necessarily unrelated. Being able to look back at these episodes allowed me to remember that thrilling time, when I not only fell in love with a girl but with a whole community which Buffy the Vampire Slayer, more than any other show, truly encapsulates – a community of smart, funny women and their allies who are not afraid to kick ass.

And of course, as with anything we love, watching these episodes felt like falling back into the arms of old friends. A night spent with Willow, Xander, Giles, Cordelia, Anya, Spike, Tara, all of them, no matter how long they’ve been off the air, is always a night well-spent. May you all revel in Buffy nostalgia to your heart’s content this Saturday, or any time you want. Go watch a random indie 90s band at The Bronze. Air-drum for a bit to some Nerf Herder. You deserve it.

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