Let us just tell you all right now, that this episode is a shocker. Of tremendously highrise proportions. I wish you could see our faces. They are shocked faces.
If you’re on Twitter, then you probably all know what is about to happen, so we should stop rambling and get involved; we’re just worried about you.
Okay, shall we all do this together? Hold our hands. Sorry, Lee’s are sweaty Betty’s.
Sexy Lexy is moving into Frankie and Tess’ pad, but her possessions involve a paltry three cardboard boxes, two of which you could barely fit a boomerang in. This lady travels far too lightly for our liking; we’re suspicious of who she is and where she’s come from. She explains that when you see people die all the time then you don’t much care for ‘stuff’. This does explain things somewhat and this conversation sets the dark scene for the rest of the episode.
It’s Cat’s birthday and DS Sam Murray continues to embody the Katie Brown to Cat’s Calamity. Her birthday offerings are a breakfast spread fit for a queen — though it does include marmalade in an eggcup — and she gifts her birthday girl the designer bag she’s been lusting after. Cat clearly feels guilty about her Frankie fumblings because she is close to tears at how delightful Sam is being, and how not delightful she has been. There is also a prophetic vase of Lilies on the table, which Sam has bought for Cat.
Tess sits on Lexy’s bed watching lovingly as her new secret crush/flat-mate moves her two books from one end of the room to the other. Lexy mentions Fin and Tess tells her that she ended it with her. The cliffhanger from episode one has reached the climax we suspected.
Sarah: What? That’s it, Fin’s just gone?
Lee: She might still be in it. She should still be in it with all her little cartoon friends.
Like a smooth transition from past to present, Tess asks after Lexy’s current lovelife: Sexy Lexy is a singleton and in case you hadn’t noticed, Tess is keen.
Cat stares at her phone with bright eyes and DS Sam Murray heads out for a jog.
Lee: These scenes are very quick and short.
Sarah: I can barely keep up with the pace.
Frankie has asked cool customer Sadie to meet her down by the river again. A disgruntled Artful Dodgeress saunters on over but can’t be bothered with this tete-a-tete much at all. Frankie pulls out the classic self-deprecating tact of calling herself a cock.
Sadie: You’re not getting back in my pants if that’s what you think.
They uptake a metaphorical pinky shake and become friends again and Frankie offers to help Sadie out of her low funds and unemployed troubles.
DS Sam Murray is jogging along the Clyde and spots Lexy bent double, spluttering her unfitness into the river. Lexy admits that she’s new to the fitness caper.
She then admits that she’d actually just like to be an old woman, eating doughnuts sitting on a Stair Lift. Sam tries to stop Lexy’s weirdness by asking if she wants to run with her.
Lexy: Ah no, no, no, you’re really fit. Er, I mean, you’re really healthy.
Sam jogs off leaving Lexy hugging her watermelon close to her chest.
Tess is in rehearsal, reading her lines as Sonia. However Nora is playing silly buggers by trying to muscle in on Tess’ moments of glory by asking the director to include her in extra scenes.
This is a funny scene, but honestly we’ve got a lot to get through in this episode and there’s about a million short scenes, so you’ll just have to take our word for the humour for now.