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Then 10 most annoying les/bi characters in the history of TV

Entertainment Weekly recently made a list of the 20 most annoying TV characters ever, and while I was happy to nod along with most of their choices – it does include my archnemeses Will Schuester and Ellis Boyd, after all – it made me do some serious thinking about the most annoying lesbian and bisexual characters in the history of television. We’ve been really lucky because most of the les/bi women on the small screen have been pretty awesome. But there have also been a couple of duds in the mix.

Gretchen Berg, Heroes Gretchen’s simple presence on Heroes was enough to make a person crazy. She was clearly nothing more than a last-ditch effort to pull the show’s ratings out of the gutter by having Hayden Panettiere kiss another girl. What’s worse, Gretchen was clingy and needy and when she wasn’t stealing Claire’s clothes and wearing them around campus, she was keeping a play-by-play in her diary of every move Claire made, every word she said, every nail she clipped. Gretchen would have been wearing Claire’s skin as a suit by the end of the season if NBC hadn’t pulled the plug on the entire operation.

Alison DiLaurentis, Pretty Little Liars A bullying cocktease who spoke in riddles like a Mad Hatter: that’s what should have been written on Alison’s tombstone. She fanned the flame of Emily’s lesbian leanings, only to later use those leanings for ridicule and manipulation. You think it’s tough getting over your ex-girlfriend because you have to see her perpetual Facebook status updates? Try getting over your ex-girlfriend when she keeps showing up to make out with you – as a ghost.

Tonya, The L Word She murdered Mr. Piddles. Do I really need to say anything else about her?

Carol and Brandy, The Amazing Race 16 Carol and Brandy were billed as the Bette and Tina of TAR‘s 16th season, an affluent lesbian power with the combined skills to rule the world. But the duo spent half their time confessing their snobbery to the camera and the other half of their time trying to murder one another with their bare hands. They whined, they bitched, they verbally assaulted each other and the other contestants. No one was sorry to see them get eliminated – not even lesbian viewers.

Kennedy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer You know who wasn’t ready to get over Tara’s death? Me and you and Willow and everyone on earth – except for Kennedy. She arrived on the scene making googly eyes at Willow and insisting she move on with her life, starting with some girl-girl kissing. Her reasoning? “I’m kind of a brat. I’ve always sort of gotten my own way.” Couldn’t she have at least given us an appropriate amount of to mourn Tara? Like a hundred years or something.

Marissa Cooper, The O.C. Sure, Marissa took a few lumps on the noggin during her early teenage years. Her dad ran a Ponzi scheme on the entire country club and her mom boned her boyfriend. But did that really excuse her never-ending feet-stomping, hair-pulling, drunk-driving, lawn chair-hurling tantrum? She could have learned a couple of lessons about grace under pressure from her boyfriend and her girlfriend, both of whom spent half their lives in the school of actual hard knocks.

Mandy, Skins One does not simply swoop into Bristol and manhandle Emily Fitch with giant not-Naomi hands – unless one is a troll. Mandy lured Emily away from Naomi with Dark Magic; then, once she had Emily alone, she tried to addle her brain with visions of doing it on beaches in Goa. By the time Emily came to her senses, she was already in bed with the monster. Just look at her terrified face and her tiny paws, gripping that duvet like a vice. Begone, Mandy! Away with your foul, loathsome trickery!

Frankie, Lip Service I want to love Frankie, but she makes it so hard! She’s a selfish Lothario the likes of which the world hasn’t seen since McCutcheon! Only, Shane was constantly trying to redeem herself while Frankie is just breaking the heart of Hot Cop DS Sam Murray by proxy! I guess we’ll see if Frankie can turn it around with Lip Service‘s second series premieres tomorrow night.

Tila Tequila, A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila You know all those horrible bisexual tropes TV writers can’t stop using? “I’ll do anything because I’ll do anything.” “I’m whatever you want me to be, baby.” “I kissed a girl and I liked it. Hope my boyfriend don’t mind it.” Tila Tequila is all of those tired cliches wrapped up into a foul-mouthed ball of opportunistic fame whoredom.

Jenny Schecter, The L Word I’ll be honest: I really didn’t want to put Jenny on this list. She had some of the most amazing moments of TLW‘s six season run. Remember when she told her assistant Sounder didn’t like her because she got the wrong color ribbons at the groomer? Or when she tried to get Shay to say, “Stacy Merkin is a f–king c–t”? Or when she kept spitting out her gum during Season 5? Sigh. Such fond memories. But on the other hand, she talked to manatees and wrote a tell-all Roman à clef about her best friends and got herself murdered by every character in the final season. Also, she killed a dog. Which, as Toxic Tonya can tell you, is an unforgivable offense.

Who do you think is the most annoying lesbian or bisexual TV character of all time?

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