“True Blood” recap (7.3): Another One Bites The Dust

 
 

And we finally see what Sookie’s plan is: she is hiding in the woods as vampire bain, in the hopes that the Hep-Vamps will capture her and Bill can track her back to where the rest of the ladies are being held. NOTHING COULD GO WRONG EXCEPT FOR EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING COULD GO WRONG. But as a plan, it is so typical of Sookie because it operates on her assumption that all life revolves around her and will inevitably come running once it catches a whiff of her scent. So it’s kind of satisfying that no one even notices her, and she is forced to pass the time talking to Bill.

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She complains that Alcide loves her more than she loves him, and as much as I like to give Sookie grief (especially this season) I actually feel for her about that. I believe in her guilt and her anxiousness that the man who is best for her isn’t the one that makes her heart race, the one she wants to stay up all night talking to, the one she loves beyond reason because she just can’t help it. Of course, in light of later events, it does seem a bit selfish. Still not as selfish as throwing her phone into the woods during the apocalypse, though.

In other news, the townsfolk are still blocking the street when Andy, Jess, et al show up. Maxine Hortenberry states her intention to kill Jason and Jessica for taking Hoyt from her, and shoots Jessica right in the shoulder. In retaliation, Violet struts up to her and RIPS OUT HER HEART. I know this puts me in the minority of internet TV writers, but that was the big twist of the episode for me. In the wake of Maxine’s evisceration, the rest of the townsfolk scatter, and many of them run straight into the arms of the nearby Hep-Vamps. Rocky, Holly’s son who is not Wade, is rescued by Violet, while Jessica continues to bleed on the pavement, her healing ability inexplicably not working. Maybe she needs some Adilyn blood. Just a thought.

At this point in the episode, the writers apparently realized that they still had twenty minutes of time to fill, so they inserted a scene of Sookie talking about roller coasters and Bill having a flashback of one time when he had his picture taken. I really did like this episode overall, but it is plagued by the same problems of structure and pacing that have weakened True Blood for so long.

In the same vein, there is another extended scene in which Reverend Daniels lets Willa feed off of him while he tells the story of how he met Lettie Mae. Apparently, she “saved” him when he came across her chugging a bottle of Captain Morgan on the front steps of a church. It also included this weepy backstory about how his daughter died and his wife cheated on him, and it’s like the writers are trying to make him a set of angel wings out of bullshit. If memory serves, Reverend Daniels cheated on his wife to be with Lettie Mae, and the tie that binds them together is their shared worthlessness. Anyway, since Willa’s presence is too much of a temptation for the addict in Lettie Mae, the reverend exiles Willa from the house. No hard feelings though.

Back at Lafayette’s house, James admits that he is indeed grooving on Lafayette, but he can’t act on it while he’s still with Jessica. So here’s betting he and Jessica call it quits next week.

In a return to flashback land, we see Pam trying to go down on a French lady without her perm getting in the way, and then being rudely interrupted by representatives of the Yakonomo Corporation (makers of Tru Blood). Eric, meanwhile, is fucking Sylvie against a tractor, which I can assure does not feel good on her back, when he is (yet again) stopped before completion. They take Pam and Sylvie hostage and make Eric choose which one of them will die. He saves Pam, obviously and watches his beloved(?) Sylvie die. Sorry, but Eric was plenty tortured and haunted without another death to agonize over.

Anyway, back in the present, Pam asks him if he deliberately contracted Hep-V, which he didn’t, he was just deliberately unsafe in his feeding practices. Pam tries to convince him to keep fighting for life, since “vampires are living longer and longer with this disease.” I’m kind of tired of talking about it, but this whole Hep-V/HIV metaphor really just doesn’t work. For one thing, it directly equates sex with bloodsucking, and for another it positions the infected as predators. Anyway, Eric says that he’s tired of living. There is no pleasure left to him. So Pam decides that if she can’t play upon his sense of joy, she’ll play upon his sense of vengeance. She tells him that Sarah Newlin, the woman who unleashes Hep-V in the first place, is alive and well. That’s enough to get Eric off the couch and ready for action.

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Speaking of Miss newly-christened Noomi, she’s banging her guru (her usual modus operandi for gaining power) when the same Yakonomo suits who killed Sylvie show up looking for her.

Either:

  1. She holds the secret to a Hep-V cure.
  2. They just want to kill her for starting this shitstorm in the first place.

Anyways the Tru Blood killers chop off the guru’s head, but I bet Eric and Pam find Sarah before she meets the same fate. See ya next week, Noomi.

OK, so Pam’s hairstyles aside, the best scene of the episode is the last one. FIRST, Holly emerges from the woods, drained of a lot of her blood. THEN the Hep-Vamps try and kidnap Sookie and Bill. BUT THEN Andy and Jason and everyone shoots the Hep-Vamps so it seems that all is saved. AND THEN Alcide shows up all naked to yell at Bill. WHEN SUDDENLY shots ring out and ALCIDE IS DEAD. Just. Dead. And there is a cry of bereavement from the lips of every beefcake loving human in the world. He was killed by two human vigilantes, who are in turn killed by Jason and Andy. Jessica is like “So, do you want us to turn him into a vampire or…?” And Sook is like, “Nah, I’m good.”

So, um, R.I.P. Alcide. You were mostly good except when you are terrible, and we here at AfterEllen will probably miss you least of all.

So, would you watch The Pam and Eric Show?

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