“True Blood” recap (6.3): So Long, Fangtasia

This week in adorable, Andy Bellefleur is trying to patch things up with Holly by teaching her to shoot a gun, which is awesome. He’s also doing a pretty good job raising his (now tweenage) daughters, even though he hasn’t gotten around to naming them yet. Anyway, he’s being really sweet and tells Holly he wants to be her Fort Bellefleur, like the most improbable evolved gentleman of this show.

Being OPPOSITE OF EVOLVED is Bill who tells Jessica to go kidnap the inventor of Tru Blood. Actually he allows Jessica to participate in her own salvation only after she begs him, and then insinuates that the only way she can contribute is through her feminine wiles, and not the fact that she is, you know, a fucking vampire. Anyway, she dutifully complies, and nabs the pervy professor for whatever evil plan Bilith dreamed up this time.

In other news, Steve Newlin, who is just the cutest little villain you ever did see, has been kidnapped by the governor’s cronies. His ex-wife (the sublime Anna Camp) has a major hairspray boner at this opportunity to avenge her wounded pride. Under threat of torture Steve, of course, tells them everything they want to know.

Back at the Stackhouse Cataclysm Factory, Bill shows up uninvited. First of all, he barges in without an invitation, which is pretty symbolically intense.  Then he tells Sookie that he needs some of her blood so he can synthesize it so he can walk in the sun because he really really wants to, okay? Sookie, unimpressed by this logic, not only declines but gives him a good talking to about how her body and blood are no one’s property but her own. Ten feminist points for you, Miss Stackhouse. Bill storms out, giving Jason yet another concussion as he leaves.

Speaking of barging in uninvited, Nicole, her shitty boyfriend, and the rest of the activists decide that their next move should be to harass a bunch of werewolves in their compound in the dead of night. The werewolves (who are all being real dicks this season) attack them. Sam, who has been lurking around in owl form, uses the chaos to re-kidnap Emma. Their escape is foiled, though, when Sam sees that Nicole is injured and feels obligated to help.  Although, like all shifters, it never occurs to him that the most helpful thing he could do would be to turn into an animal that isn’t a total fucking wuss.

In the final scene, Bill is skulking around the graveyard when Sherriff Bellefleur pulls up and reminds him about the vampire curfew. Bill catches the scent of Andy’s fairy children and, like the Grinch has a wonderful, awful idea.

So next week, Bill will continue his quest to synthesize fairy blood, the werewolves will presumably keep sucking, and hopefully we will see more Pam and Tara, because I did not appreciate having to speculate about what they got up to in Ginger’s cramped little basement.

See you next week.

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