Before we get to this week’s recap, I’d like to go ahead and shake the hand (trunk?) of the elephant in the room: the totally mediocre job this season is doing with Pam and Tara’s relationship.I was initially opposed to the idea of Pamara as a couple, but the tension between them was built up so slowly and so lovingly last season that when their lips finally met, I was totally on board that ship. Like, I was out front, clutching yellow roses to my chest like Barbra Streisand on that immortal tugboat, is how on board I was. And the first episode of this season addressed, if not their longings to rip each other out of their pleather corsets, their Feelings, which was promising. It felt like the beginning of a real storyline.
Since then, though, their scenes together have been mostly disjointed, and unconnected to what we know has happened between them. And why is that? Bill and Sookie haven’t been a couple for a long time but every one of their interactions is informed by their history and their love and their hurt. And don’t even try and tell me that Pam and Tara are getting the short shrift because of time constraints, when we apparently have time to watch Terry feel bad about the stupid motherfucking smoke monster. So yes, I’ve noticed and I’m not happy about it and I hope they fix it soon. And I feel like I can only begrudgingly admit that it was an otherwise fantastic episode.
So, we open with Jason still out cold from his multiple concussions (especially damaging since his body long ago made the choice to redirect most of his blood flow to organs other than his brain) and Sookie totally at a loss as to how to perform basic first aid without vampire blood. She’s like, “I guess…call the hospital? I don’t really remember how I solved problems before there was V and Google.” While she’s off trying to remember the number for 911, Ben pulls out his vampire fangs and feeds Jason some of his supercharged blood. Yep, he’s Warlow, and if that comes as a surprise then you didn’t read my recap last week. Anyway Jason springs off the couch like an inflatable punching bag and Borelow (get it? Because it’s a portmanteau and also because I don’t care about him?) seems genuinely surprised that no one has figured out he’s a vampire yet. He’s not even really pretending to have a southern accent at this point.
Outside, Grandpa Niall confronts Nora, who expositions for a minute about how Borelow is the only one who can kill Bilith. So look for that to happen. I hope they either make out or both die. After imparting this information, Nora scoots off and is promptly captured by the LAVTF (Governor Burrell’s cronies). All this happens in the first five minutes. The whole episode is more action packed than…well I’ll leave that joke to The Backlot.
Over at Camp Werewolf, the wolves have slaughtered all the well-meaning hipsters with the exception of Nicole, who escaped with Sam and Emma. Lafayette picks them up in his adorable little car and they speed away.
In the sewers of Shreveport (to which Tara has repaired for reasons unknown), Eric and Pam yell at Tara for setting Willa Burrell free. When Eric tackles her though, Pam is irate, and we see what are hopefully the first signs of her breaking away from her maker. And god, I really hope she does, because I am getting very tired of hearing him bark orders at my beloveds.
In the best and funniest and saddest storyline of the week, Andy Bellefleur is still busy bringing up his fairy brood. He admonishes them not to use their telepathy on their human relations and tucks them into bed. When he closes the door, they are four sweet little pre-teens, but within thirty seconds, they age-jump to the lively age of seventeen. And like all seventeen year-olds, they are immediately gripped by a desire to do any and all things they are not supposed to do, before they are too old to enjoy them. They raid Arlene’s closet, steal Andy’s car and head straight for the local gas station to pick up some Natty Lite They are followed by Bill and Jessica, who are out to synthesize their blood. Jessica (who is going along with this plan for reasons I really don’t understand) seduces the girls to come over and party at Bill’s mansion.
Deborah Ann Woll’s comic timing in this scene is brilliant, by the way, as she plays the part of the teenager she never really was. Also the clerk is the same actor who played the clerk in the first scene of the series pilot, as I gleefully and loudly informed everyone I watched the episode with.