“True Blood” mini-cap 3.4: “9 Crimes”

Tara is now en route to who the hell knows where. Franklin has taped a bouquet of flowers into her hands and tells her he’s been lonely. "But now you’re mine, all that’s changed!" I bet Tara is really regretting that rebound sex with him now.

They show up at the King’s and Talbot asks if Tara is for him. He surveys her. "Skinny!" He is not impressed with her physique.

Sookie fills Alcide in on her intel. He is upset and punches a wall and agrees to go with to the party. At Lou Pine’s, it’s the same rowdy crowd but Sookie fits in better with her black wig and eye make-up. She is encouraged to take some shots with the dude that tried to rape her the night before.

She knows she has to look inconspicuous so she downs three before Debbie comes over and asks who she is. Alcide steps in: "She’s with me, Deb."

Debbie tells Alcide she doesn’t want his "p—y pack" and that she was doing it with Cooter while she was with him. She also calls Sookie a skank. Even in leather, Sookie is sweet and tells Deb that Alcide is there because he cares about her. But then Cooter shows up and tries to claim his big-banged V-addict of a girlfriend. Deb says Alcide needs to stay and see this, which apparently includes her licking Cooter and making out with his entire face.

At Fangtasia, Magister is having Pam strung up and burnt. Eric says he’s been framed and the blood isn’t being sold on his orders. When the Magister asks if it is on the Queen’s orders, Eric can’t decide if he should be in trouble for desecration of the blood or treason, so Pam gets burnt again.

She screams out, "It was Bill Compton!" Eric takes her lead and says he is building evidence against him and will bring it to the Magister. Magister says that Eric has two days or he will kill Pam.

In a limo outside a strip bar, Russell asks Lorena what she’s in the mood for. "Something smoky. Not too fatty." Russel says he was thinking ethnic, and then orders Bill to go procure. Inside, Bill finds the smoky, possibly ethnic non-fatty doing a dance on a pole. She accompanies him to the back room where he glamours her into telling him her real name and if she has anyone that would miss her too much. (Anne and nope.) She’s half naked during this entire scene, of course, and shares with Bill that love isn’t worth anything — "it always turns to crap." That’s basically what Bill wants to hear — hopelessness from someone who has no future. He might as well eat her!

Russel tells Lorena he’ll be back and goes to Lou Pine’s where Debbie then crowd surfs up to the stage, while the werewolves tear off her clothes.

Russel appears on stage in sunglasses. He speaks to them and supplies the whole room with V from his own veins. Choral music plays in the background as it’s totally religious for the room of dirty dudes to drink blood from the gay vampire.

As they all take their shot of V, Alcide and Sookie get weirded out that a vamp is involved with the werewolves in a "collaboration." But the weres are so psyched and they brand Debbie’s back.

She howls in pain and the entire room begins to howl excitedly in return. They begin to shift into their furry selves. Alcide tells Sookie to run. He’s turning himself and barks at her.

Outside the strip bar, Bill senses Sookie is in trouble, but he must deliver dinner to the king. Ann the stripper asks, "What kind of party we having?" And steps inside the limo. Lorena is first to take a bite, followed by Russell and, last but not least, Bill. He does look a little remorseful, but joins in.

Seriously though — isn’t there some sort of rule that dancers can’t leave the bar with patrons? Maybe Bill glamoured everyone on the way out. It’s not possible he’s that charming to everyone. Eric maybe, but not Bill. But then again, I’m not really his demographic.

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