“True Blood” mini-cap 3.4: “9 Crimes”

Bill and Russell are sharing a drink and a cigar, and Bill gives his history with the Queen. He says he used to be a procurer, aka the vamp that finds the night’s dinner. He was on sabbatical when he met Sookie and now he’s back to work, giving the dirty details on his ex-Queen. So what does he know? Well, he knows that Eric is selling V and he thinks it’s on behalf of the Queen. The secret is out!

Bill, in return, asks that Lorena goes missing and insinuates that it’d be totally fine if Russell just didn’t report Lorena as missing. I don’t think anyone would miss her at all.

Arlene complains to Sam that she’s the only one that shows up to work so Sam hires Jessica to be a hostess. Now that there’s another redhead, Arelene is not happy. “People love to give red heads tips and I’ve always been the only red head at Merlottes — you know that!”

While Jessica is working, she runs into Chip, an old Bible Study friend. “I can’t believe you’re alive! Your folks are going to be so happy. It’s a miracle! Praise Jesus. Praise him!” Uh oh — don’t kill him, Jessica. Luckily she decides to glamour him instead and convinces him he never wanted to stop that night. She’s talking to closely to him outside the bar, though, that Hoyt sees and thinks they’re being all romantic-like.

Lafeytte goes to push some V on the local trashy drug dealers but they aren’t interested. “We’re not getting in business with people like you.” The other two young dudes are messing with Lafeytte’s car and then start fighting with him, calling him a faggot. You knew it was going to happen — Eric swoops in to save the day. Eric picks up the lead drug dealer by the throat and threatens to kill him and his “little brother cousins” if he doesn’t sell the V. They have no choice but to agree.

“That’s called closing the deal,” he tells Lafeyette. “Let’s go RuPaul.”

While in the car on the way home, Eric scolds Lafeyette for his big ego and not being able to push sales. But he’s interrupted by a call from Pam. “We’re being raided!” They begin speaking in Swedish. “It’s the Magister,” Pam said. “They’re looking for the V. The Queen set you up!” Magister finds her in the basement and shows her the V. “This is blasphemy. Take her!” Just then, Eric vanishes from the car.

Sam finds Tommy outside Merlotte’s and they have a heart-to-heart. They’ve both had rough lives and Sam says the things he’s done was “worse than stealing.” He doesn’t want Tommy to make the same mistakes, and offers to let Tommy stay with him. But Tommy won’t leave his parents — he knows they can’t survive unless he helps take care of them. “I won’t be free of these people until the day they die.”

Together they go find their parents and Sam says he’s giving them a place to live as long as Tommy doesn’t steal and his dad doesn’t drink. Tommy looks grateful and it’s a brotherly bonding moment.

Inside the bar bathroom, Jason blackmails Andy into letting him become a cop. They basically have a pissing contest and Jason wins.

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