“True Blood” mini-cap 3.4: “9 Crimes”


Lorena tells Bill, "That was the best sex I’ve had in decades" as she pops her neck back into place. She ignores him saying he’s just not that into her until he punches her up against the wall and out of the room.

Eric flies over to Sookie’s window and gets invited in. They exchange such cheesy dialogue (Sookie: "You smell like the ocean in winter. You played by the North Sea as a child. I’m smelling your memories.") that you know it’s a dream — but whose?

Eric’s. He is really at Fangtasia, watching Yvetta perform. He snaps out of it and tells Yvetta she can give it up. "That’ll be all." Across the bar, Pam is counting tips and looks confused: Why would Eric tell Yvetta to stop dancing? That’s so unlike him!

In the a.m., Alcide tells Sookie she’s being a doormat and needs to move on from Bill. But Sookie wants to go to Debbie’s engagement party and wants Alcide to take her there. Alcide says "Don’t put your shit on me" and huffs and puffs out of the room in his bathrobe.

Later that day, Alcide’s sister Janice comes to help Sookie get dressed up to fit in at Lou Pine’s that night. She thinks Sookie is Alcide’s new girlfriend, but Sookie reassures her she just needs to look the part at the bar that night — she’s just Alcide’s friend. Sookie begins to read her mind and finds out the engagement party is truly a were get-together for Debbie (Alcide’s ex) to be initiated into the bad pack of weres, which is because she’s so hooked on V. Sookie now has the info she needs to get Alcide to be her date for the evening.

Lafayette is trying to call Tara so they can ride around in his new car but Tara is tied up — as in tied to a toilet with tape over her mouth. She desperately tries to reach her phone but it falls into the sink and she can’t move.

At Merlotte’s, Jason is in the middle of a bunch of loud teenagers playing pool and a retirement party for Bud. Bud announces that Andy Balfour is the new sheriff, which makes Jason so angry that he walks over to the teens, including hot shot quarterback Kitsch Maynard, and puts him in his place. "Ten years from now, there’s going to be a version of you, 10 years younger, doing the same thing to you — and then who you gonna be?" Jason’s logic never fails to amuse.

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