“True Blood” mini-cap 3.3: “It Hurts Me, Too”

Sam is now fully-clothed and stops by his parents’ house, where his dad is in his skivvies and oddly has his hand on his son’s kneecap. It seems like they are very close, and might give us some insight as to why Tommy hates life.

"I don’t appreciate you trying to get me killed," Sam says to Tommy. "I figured since we’re related you could keep up," Tommy retorts. Sam’s mom wants him to stay the night but he needs to get back to Bon Temps. She gets upset that her husband is drinking and tells him to stop. He tells Sam not to get married because as soon as you, "That’s when they start to woman ya." No, actually, I will woman you any time I please and so may your wife, sir. We don’t need to be married.

Sam tells Tommy to take care of his mama and splits.

Jason has a great new idea: He wants to become a deputy. He saw his destiny when he helped Andy nail the drug dealer. He has Hoyt read him practice questions from the police exam he’ll have to take. He skips every one and Hoyt interrupts to say Jessica thinks they can’t be together. Jason has had a lot of experience with women, so he gives Hoyt some advice: "They just can’t handle the heat you’re packin.’ The only thing to do is move on to one that can."

Jason’s good looks get him by a lot, but it won’t get Hoyt another chance with Jessica and it certainly won’t help him pass his test.

Cue the lesbian sex scene!

Yvetta is being serviced on the desk at Fangtasia. As the phone rings, Pam appears from in between Yvetta’s legs and picks up the receiver. "Fangtasia, this better be good."

Jessica is on the other end and says so sweetly, "Well hi. It’s Jessica Hamby. We talked yesterday —" Pam cuts her off, impatiently. "Spit it out, cupcake. I’m in the middle of something." Yvetta is also impatient behind her.

Jessica explains her plight: The dead body is missing. Pam: "So the problem you have is that there is no dead body in your house? Doesn’t sound like a problem to me. Gotta run." She puts the phone down. "Babies, they’re all the same. Now, where were we? Oh right. Lie back, sweetheart, and think of Estonia." Cue Yvetta’s eyes rolling back in her head again.

Thank you, Alan Ball. I think we can finally establish that Yvetta is the third sexually fluid character on True Blood now. We’ll take her!

Sam is finally back at work and Sookie explains she is taking some time off to go to Jackson. She asks for him to keep an eye on Jessica. "How?" Sam asks. "I don’t know, give her a job?" Sam’s eyes bug out of his head and Sookie says she’s kidding. "Can you imagine? Arlene would freak!" Seriously — only one redhead per bar. Them’s the rules in these parts.

Speaking of Arlene, she’s getting an ultrasound and she hears some bad news: It’s at least nine-weeks along — maybe 10. This means it is most likely the baby of Renee (psycho serial killer from Season 1). Oh s–t.

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