“True Blood” Episode 412 Finale Recap: “And When I Die”


So the three of them hop in the car, and
Holly announces that she always keeps a “Wiccan First Aid” kit on
hand for emergencies like this, complete with hemp band-aids, herbal tea, a
vegan power bar, and “Witch Be Gone” powder inside.

drive to Bill‘s mansion, where
Maryette has set up a little weenie roast for herself, the weenies being Bill
and Eric

uses her gnarly powers to set the pyre on fire, and the two vamps start
roasting. Eric turns his neck to Bill and is all, “Another fine mess
you’ve gotten us into,” and Bill is all, “If we get out of this alive,
I’m going to kiss you and never stop, you crazy, beautiful man you.”

Sookie and Tara try, yet again, to reason with Marnie, because that’s worked
out so well before. But while they’re talking to her, Holly is quietly circling
the pyre spreading the “Witch Be Gone” powder, because if there’s any
fatal flaw Marnie has demonstrated this season, it’s being completely oblivious
to people working to undermine her powers from
right behind her.

Holly gets Tara and Sookie to join hands with her, and they start chanting
“Friends and Family” over and over again, either because she’s
casting a spell, or because she’s just signed on to a new cellphone plan and
can’t stop talking about it.

spell results in dead men (and women) walking. And you’ll never guess who shows
up to save the day … Sookie’s Gran!
For a woman who’s been dead for two and a half seasons, she looks pretty good.

is getting all threatening, and Sookie zaps her with glowy goodness, which only
pisses her off even more. Then Gran snaps, “Get away from my
granddaughter, you bitch!” And she reaches her hand all the way down deep
inside Lafayette’s throat, like she’s giving him a prostate exam but a bit
confused about the male anatomy.

So she
reaches deep inside and pulls Marnie’s spirit out, then tosses her to the
ground. Marnie’s spirit, now back to being Fiona
, sees the ghost of Antonia,
who – after blowing out the vampire pyre with her super ghost breath power –
is nothing but hugs and kisses with her former host.

pleads with Marnie to let go of her anger and join her in heaven, all,
“It’ll be fun. We’ll renovate a bungalow, maybe get a couple of cats and a
Prius.” Marnie starts in again on the, “Poor me! Everybody always
thought I was a freak because I could hear the dead.” And Antonia is
pretty much, “Oh for the love of Lady
just let it go already. Besides, if you come with me you’ll know
peace, but vampires are doomed to eternal soulless misery.”

Marnie is pretty much, “‘kay … although this also sort of f-ing
sucks.” And just like that, she and Antonia skip off into the afterlife.

Sookie has a lovely moment with Gran, crying to her about how much she misses
her and still needs her advice. Gran tells her that she doesn’t need her
advice; she should just follow her heart and also know it’s okay to be alone
(which sounds like pretty specific advice,
if you ask me).

Later on, Tara tucks Lafayette into bed at
Sookie’s house, where they are both now crashing, and tries to comfort him. As
you’d expect, he seems pretty shell shocked and wonders how he’s supposed to go
on knowing he killed the love of his life.

that night, he sees Jesus’ spirit across the room. Jesus assures him that his
death wasn’t Lafayette’s doing and that (unlike me and I suspect many of you)
he’s okay with how things went down.

wonders how he’s supposed to go on without him, and Jesus responds, “I’m
dead, you’re a medium, we’re bound to see each other … Plus I’ll probably be
cast on CSI or Hawaii Five-O next year and you can see me then. At least until I’m
inevitably killed off.”

WTF Rating: 2. Am I
the only one who thought the way the Marnie storyline resolve was a bit
blah? After Mantonia’s grand plans to eradicate all vampires, now all she’s
interested in is barbecuing two shirtless vampires? And after being so powerful
for so long she’s ultimately undone by someone finally making her see reason?


At one point before Marnie’s barbecue,
Sookie has a nice little moment with Alcide at Merlotte’s.
there drowning his sorrows after killing Marcus and realizing Debbie was a big

reminds Sookie that the two of them had once talked about how if either of them
had any sense they’d decide to date each other rather than all the other
freaks, losers, and raging narcissists on this show.

is all, “the heart wants what the heart wants.” He tells her that he
and she both continually making the mistake of following their hearts, when
they should be smarter and following their heads for once. He asks her to think
about it, and she says she will.

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