“True Blood” Episode 408 Recap: “Spellbound”

 
 

MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR (OKAY, MAKE WAR TOO)

Post resurrection spell, Eric is lying
around still chained down, all bloody and neck-steamy and agony-y.

Sookie
offers to help him remove the silver chains, starting with the one that’s sort
of grafted to his neck, and he suggests the best way is to just rip it off in
one fell swoop. Clearly he’s got that whole Band-Aid removal thing in mind,
which we all know is just an old wives tale that moms tell to soothe their kids
with no basis in reality whatsoever, just like “if you just ignore those
bees they won’t sting you,” and, “me spitting in this tissue and
roughly wiping your cheek is a totally appropriate and hygienic way of cleaning
your face.”

Because
sure enough, Sookie quickly rips away the chain, taking with it most of Eric’s
skin and half his larynx as he screams, “OH. YOU. MUTHA!!!” Heh.

He’s
clearly in a weakened state and in need of some blood, stat. And we all know
True Blood is just gross, so Sookie does the only logical thing and offers
herself up. He asks if she’s sure, and she says she trusts him not to, you know,
suck her dry the way he did her fairy godmother. He tells her that, just in
case, she should hold onto some silver and ram it up his butt if he gets too
frisky.

Obviously
this is a colossally bad idea, but this is Sookie we’re dealing with so no surprises
she goes ahead and does it. She offers up her neck, he drinks hungrily, but
what do ya know? He shows remarkable self restraint and actually pulls out in
time. Then he bites his own hand and offers it to her to drink, all, “This
way we’ll be one,” and she goes ahead and does it! Ick. Let me tell you
something, if I ever date a vampire, there’s no way I’m swallowing.

All blood-filled
and hot and bothered and naked now (with some nice boob/butt shots) they head
up to the shower, a clear nod to fans of the books and a certain infamous
shower scene. But fake out! No shower sex, because when she goes to turn on the
water it starts snowing. WTF? Oh, yeah, it’s one of those cheesy v-induced
fever sex-dream sequences, like back in season one when Jason was dating Lizzie Caplan. And it goes on for about
12 hours, with them doing it in the woods somewhere and blathering on about how
awesome the sex is.

After,
they lie in bed naked and Sookie makes sweet pillow talk about how they should
help Bill kill witches. Eric is all for them running away together, but she
says that wouldn’t be right, given it would leave behind people they care about
to die. He says right and wrong are measly human concepts, and she counters
that he’s more human now than she’s ever seen him and that’s why she’s fallen
in love with him.

So they go for a meet and greet with King
Bill, who squeezes them into his busy schedule, right between
“golf with Andy Cohenandflossing the royal fangs.” Sookie tells him that if
he’s going to war with witches, they’re on board.

He
sputters that he’d rather she not, on account of being a girly human (and him
obviously still pining over her). Eric shoots back that she’s a fighter, and
the two men have an alpha-dog glare-off, where Sookie realizes something we’ve
all known for ages that all this stuff about her is really about the two of
them working out their overpowering desire for each other that will likely be
consummated sometime around Season Seven.

She
tells them to get their eyes back on her, or at least on her chest, then
reminds them that she’s got gnarly wonder twin superpowers that can surely
help. So Bill reluctantly agrees to let them join the fight. (You’ll see how
well that turns out.)

WTF Rating: 1. How is
it possible that sex scenes – even ones with pleasing naked butt/boob action –
could become so boring? At this point, I’m really hoping Eric has his memory
back (or will get it back soon) and is faking amnesia to get himself a steady
supply of fairy-blood, because that would at least liven things up a bit.

TOMMY SHIFTS GENDER

We see someone rummaging through a darkened
house, stealing women’s clothes and accessories. At first I was
hoping we were about to find out some Bon Temps dude had a cross-dressing
fetish going on, maybe Hoyt or Terry,
because that would be totally hot.

But
then it becomes obvious it’s Maxine Fortenbery’s
place, and Tommy is grabbing her
stuff so he can shift into her. I’m actually glad about this, because I like
when shows deal with the practicalities of the supernatural, like it’s all well
and good that you can shift, but what if you’ve been running wild as an animal
and come home covered in ticks or mange? Would you go to your regular doctor,
or a vet? I worry about stuff like that.

Later on, at Merlotte’s, we see Tommy show
up as Maxine (“Toxine?”). Leaving aside for the moment
how he manages to sound just like Maxine even though when he was being Sam he still sounded exactly like
Tommy, it’s actually hilarious how bad he is at the impersonating a woman thing.

And
it’s not just that he’s all foul-mouthed and ordering shots of booze, but the
hair and makeup and the clothing are all a wreck. He’s a hot shifty mess.
Somebody needs to get RuPaul in here
for one of those bizarre yet brilliant runway drag critiques, like Ru could be
all, “The shift is certainly hitting the fan, Toxine honey. Because your
Maxine drag is a maxi-pad of pain.”

Toxine
has called a meeting with the gassy rights guy from episodes ago and is trying
to convince him that “Maxine” is ready to sell, just so long as they
can cut a check ASAP. “Maxine” tries to negotiate a higher price, but
the guy actually talks her down, even when “Maxine” offers up some
special “bonus services” if that would help sweeten the deal (heh – I
would have loved to have seen that
happen!). The gassy guy is all, “Er thanks but no thanks, I’m not
insane,” but he does agree to give her some instant cash.

Later on, we see Tommy running through the
woods. He’s now back in Tommy-form but still decked out in oversized
Maxine drag (the eyeshadow is just priceless), looking like a little kid
playing Mama Rose for an all-boys-school
production of Gypsy. Also, he’s
barfing blood.

WTF Rating: 2. It’s
been fun watching different actors stretch their acting chops by showing Tommy
“doing” them. But I still, on principle, object to doppelgangers
messing with people’s lives, which just irritates the hell out of me as a
storytelling device. I guess I have some deep-seated fear of being a twin or
something.

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