“True Blood” Episode 407 Recap: “Cold Grey Light of Dawn”

 
 

Meanwhile, back in
Merlotte’s parking lot, the hordes of camera-wielding people have dispersed
and Tara and Naomi are just sitting there in a parked car. Totally
vulnerable. Okay, these two are crazy.

Tara tells Naomi to
hit the road (which they both should
be doing), and then she goes wandering in the woods. Alone. Okay, can some supernatural
creature come along and finally do Tara in?
Werewolf, vampire, werepanther, leprechaun, anything! I’m so tired of her
sulking all the time.

She hears something in the woods and thinks Pam has come to
finish her off. It’s actually Mantonia, escaped from Bill’s dungeon. Mantonia
gets all “sisters stickin’ together” and points out their shared
suffering at the hands of vampires. She asks Tara
for her help.

Says Tara, “What do I
have to do?”

Whatever it is, I’m sure Tara,
true to form, will be complaining about it the entire time.

We cut across town
where Jason is shirtless, doing handstands and pushups and trying not to
fantasize about Jessica’s cleavage. He’s interrupted by the doorbell. It’s a
mopey Hoyt who makes himself at home
and tells Jason he wouldn’t know what to do if he lost Jessica. That makes Jason feel totally guilty.

Cut to Bill giving Jessica
the 411 on Antonia: “She was a
powerful necromancer that could control the dead. She’s a cautionary lesson
from our history.”

I think maybe Stephen
Moyer
‘s dialect coach was out sick the day they filmed this scene because
his southern accent (which has never been great) is particularly egregious right
here.

He tells Jessica they have to brace for the Resurrection (which
is an irresistible urge to go out in the sun). That means chaining themselves
up in silver in their coffins.

Hey, wait, didn’t Bill have Pam and Eric both locked up in
his high tech dungeon? Can’t they just lock themselves up in there?

Apparently not. While Bill is loading up on silver bling, across town Sookie and Eric have actually copulated
themselves all the way from the deep woods to Sookie’s hearth rug. Add to
that a montage scene of them doing it in Sookie’s bed.

There’s a lot of sex in this episode!

Hours later, when they’ve finally exhausted themselves, Eric
is lying with his head on Sookie’s chest. “If I lay still and think about
nothing else I feel like my own heart is beating.”

Aww, that’s so sweet. Eric asks Sookie if she’d still love
him if he got his memories back. She says she’d really try hard to, but she
doesn’t sound very convincing.

Cut to Fangtasia,
where Pam is getting a zombie approximation of a Brazilian wax administered by
that magic midwife that saved Sookie from the Maenad attack way back in season
two.

The midwife is removing all of Pam’s rotting flesh with wax
strips. Eww. Then she’s injecting Pam in all her major putrid muscle groups
with some sort of magic elixir that’ll help her grow back her skin. Midwife
tells here she’ll have to perform this daily beauty regimen from now on.

Over at the hospital,
Sam is by Tommy’s bedside fretting over him. Sam wants to know why his
brother was puking blood and guts. Tommy just wants to get out of the hospital
because he has no insurance. Sam takes him home to recuperate.

The next day Sam tries calling his lady friend (the one that
looks like Nicole Scherzinger, I forget
her name) and she’s all, “Don’t you ever call me again!” because in the last episode
Tommy banged her while skinwalking as Sam. Then he kicked her out right after,
which was a total d–k move.

Anyway, she tells Sam to f–k off and hangs up on him.
Confused, he goes to talk to her at the school and they piece it together that
Tommy had been skinwalking as Sam.

A furious Sam thinks Tommy was trying to steal his life. He
gives Tommy 10 minutes to clear out of his house and never wants to see him
again.

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