“True Blood” Episode 405 Recap: “I Hate You I Love You”

 
 

(DEVIL) BABY EXORCIZE CLASS

Post wall-scrawl, Arlene and Terry discuss
what to do about theirbudding
graffiti prodigy. Arlene is convinced the writing was actually Renee’s ghost looking to claim his
child.

So they
decide to do the only reasonable thing one can in this situation … hightail it
out of there and hide out in a P-town B&B. Oh, sorry. I mean they do the second most reasonable thing … decide to
get in a reverend for a proper exorcism. And quickly too, before Mikey starts
spewing pea soup, spinning his head around, and watching Nancy Grace.

Before you know it, the big day comes. Some
parents fret over their child’s christening outfit. For Arlene, it’s all about
Mikey’s exorcism attire. Damned if she hasn’t found just about the most jaunty
little ensemble for the possessed tyke, like if all goes well with the exorcism
thing she can immediately get him on the toddler pageant circuit.

Arlene
is a bit worried it won’t work on account of them not being church-going folk.
What if God gets pissed at them, like all those other folks who aren’t very
good Christians until they need something from Him – or are running for
Congress.

The Reverend
and his wife come in and hey! It’s Reverend
Daniels and Lettie Mae, Tara’s mother, now Mrs. Daniels. I love Lettie Mae! How
can you not love someone who’s as much fun sober as they were when they were a
raging alcoholic?

First
the Reverend and his wife do a delightful song and dance number involving the
words “devil” and “f–k.” It’s catchy, and Arlene remarks
on how fortunate she is that “you people” can use their gifts to help
her. Oh no she dihn’t! Lettie Mae gives her the stink-eye, all “you
people?” And Arlene backpedals saying she meant “religious
folk,” something even Terry doesn’t really buy.

Then
they go around the house waving smoky sage around, because as Lettie Mae
explains, Evil hates sage.

IMHO,
if they really wanted to piss Evil off, they should have gone with cilantro,
because that stuff’s just plain nasty. Arlene observes it smells like pot, and
Terry immediately says it doesn’t because of course he’d know. Also, the
Reverend is careful to explain that Evil especially likes to collect in the
corners, just like dust bunnies. EVIL
dust bunnies, bwa ha ha!

Post exorcism, an exhausted Mikey sleeps
soundly while his parents enjoy a celebratory boinking a few feet away from
him.

Post
boinking, Arlene and Terry commit a big no no in the world of horror … they
reflect on how happy they are and how well everything’s going for them. Idiots.
As they fall asleep thinking such happy thoughts that don’t tempt fate at all,
a book of matches on the dresser ignites. By itself.

WTF Rating: 4.
Obviously something creepy is up at Arlene and Terry’s place. But is it from
the baby, or the doll – or something else? The jury’s still out on that one.

 

WEREWOLF WELCOMING COMMITTEE

Alcide is lounging around the house
looking at himself in the mirror. Okay, we don’t know for a fact that’s what
he’s doing, but if I were Alcide that’s certainly what I’d be doing. Anyway,
there’s someone at the door and he goes to answer it.

It’s a
skeevy (but sort of hot-skeevy) biker werewolf guy named Marcus who tells Alcide that he’s the leader of the pack. Since
Alcide has moved into Shreveport
it was up to him to register with them and he didn’t do it, which makes this
guy a big mad wolf.

Alcide
replies that he’s a free agent and enjoying it. Then he gets into one of those
alpha-dog glare-offs that he always seems to be getting into, like it would
kill him to meet another guy and just ask him over for beer and Xbox. He tells
Marcus to git along doggie, and Marcus goes along with it but is clearly not
happy. This ain’t over.

WTF Rating: 1. Even
though this is an all-too-brief Alcide scene, I like that it opens up a whole
new storyline for him in future episodes. I’m also thinking this guy might very
well be Luna’s crazy anger-prone ex that she mentioned last week, and if that’s
the case and if it leads to the formation of some Alcide-Sam super-shifter
crime-fighting team, I’m all over that.

 

THE TERRIER LAWYER WON’T LET GO

Bill is sitting around his office doing
boring Vampire King stuff …
like deciding which ascot to wear, and wondering if they make scepters
in chocolate.

Then Portia comes stomping in and plants a
big hot wet one on him. Yay! I love Portia. If things don’t work out in Bon
Temps, I totally think she should get her own show over on TNT. Don’t you think
a show about a Southern lawyer devoted to defending the rights of vampires would
be perfect between The Closer and Rizzoli & Isles?

She
tells him she’s been thinking this whole granddaughter thing over and isn’t
bothered by it. She claims incest isn’t even illegal in a bunch of states (umm,
maybe she’s confusing America
with Game of Thrones?) and that the
whole prohibition against it comes from fears about procreation that don’t
apply with vampire-human relations.

Bill
tells her that, be that as it may, he’s just not into her. She has a tough time
taking no for an answer, so he goes ahead and glamours her.

But boy
does he overdo it, like not only does he tell her to forget she wants to boff
him but that the very sight of him will terrify her. It seems to me if you’re
going to go to all the trouble to glamour somebody, why not do something more useful
with it? Something like, “From now on, you have a compulsive need to keep
buying me new Doctor Who DVDs,”
or “You’ll totally set me up with all your hot friends.”

WTF Rating: 2. There
is definitely something going on this season with all the glamouring. I’ve got
a theory about it too – what if one of the witches’ spells undoes all previous
glamouring and suddenly everybody remembers stuff they weren’t supposed to?

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