“True Blood” Episode 405 Recap: “I Hate You I Love You”

 
 

After having suffered through all the horrors
of Hot Shot (I’m still
not recovered from that, BTW), this week’s episode was so much fun that I
thought I must be dreaming.

Certainly
some of our favorite characters were dreaming, and pretty steamy dreams too …

ERIC FINDS GOD(RIC)

Sookie is lying in bed, fast asleep, in
that carefully-posed, neck-exposed, heaving-breast sort of way that only women
about to be bitten by vampires in movies do.

Eric stands in the doorway watching
her. Suddenly he’s fang-blocked from behind, as a hand reaches over his
shoulder. It’s Godric! 

Godric
strokes Eric provocatively. But then Sookie has to go and ruin everything, as
Godric decides to go stroke her leg instead. Booo!

Eric
rushes over and tells him to lay off – he called dibs on the fairy. Godric
responds (in subtitles) that they can drink together and walk in the sun. Eric,
who doesn’t remember who Godric is, emphatically says no. So Godric forces him
to his knees in front of him, a position you’d think would jar the ol’ memory
cells. Godric mocks Eric, saying he’s incapable of being redeemed, that he
should embrace his nature. (Dream Godric is sort of a dick.)

So
Eric’s all, “Eh, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em,” and he and Godric
descend on Sookie like an old married couple on a cruise at the all-you-can-eat
buffet.

Sookie
screams … and Eric bolts awake in his cubbyhole. D’oh! It was all just a dream.
Buh-bye Godric.

I have
to admit I was a little disappointed here. I mean, it was obviously a dream, but
with all the WTF craziness on this show, I thought maybe the writers would
figure out a way to bring Godric back for real. Like maybe drinking fairy blood
lets you make a wish and have it come true, and Eric wished for Godric.

Or maybe
like in the movie Ghost, Godric’s
spirit could use Alcide’s body to
make sweet love to his beloved Eric, thereby causing the entire AfterElton.com
readership to spontaneously combust. Would that sort of thing be so hard to do,
writers? Do I have to write this show myself?

Where
was I? Oh, right, so Eric wakes up from his dream and goes running up to
Sookie’s room. It looks like he’s going to go in for a bite, but she wakes up
and he retracts his fangs, explaining that he had a bad dream. And maybe wet
the bed. She invites him into her bed and comforts him, telling him no wonder
he was upset; Godric was his maker and he loved him.

Eric is
concerned that Godric called him evil, wondering if that’s true. “You’re
not Gandhi,” Sookie says, “But no, you’re not evil.” Evilish,
maybe.

Eric
asks if he can stay with her, and there’s this sweet moment where she’s gently cradling
him for comfort. Then she’s like, “Um, did you just wet the bed
again?” And he’s all, “Sort of.”

The next day, while Eric is napping, Sookie
and Tara sit and catch up. And just like they always do when they’re
alone together, they sit eating gallons of ice cream right out of the
containers, because according to this show, and about 99% of all TV and movies,
this is what female friends do when they’re alone together. That and fight, but
don’t worry, they’ll get to that in a minute.

During
this sweet Sookie and Tara girl-time, Tara tells her that she’s really into girl-time now, particularly
with a certain girl back in New
Orleans. Tara has
finally come out to Sookie! Who does exactly what you’d expect her to do in
this situation, which is wonder how it was possible that Tara
was into girls all this time and never made a play for her. (Sookie of course
denies this, but as Lafayette
would say, “Hooker please.” You ain’t
fooling anybody Sook.)

Sookie
says she only meant to ask was Tara never into
girls before this? And Tara
says she doesn’t think so but hooker
please
… you ain’t fooling anybody. I mean not even Naya Rivera? Everyone’s into Naya Rivera! Even gay boys like me!

The reason Tara
is opening up to her is because she’s worried about the future of
her relationship with Naomi. During
her last call to Naomi, Tara was all nice and
flirty, telling her that the next time she even suggests leaving her side,
Naomi should feel free to handcuff her to the bed. You’d think such a sweet
invitation would please her, but Naomi is rather chilly.

Then we
find out why, as she demands to know, “Who the hell is Tara Thornton?”
D’oh! Apparently she found some of Tara’s old
mail lying around. I don’t know which was dumber on Tara’s
part: that she kept around mail with her real name on it, or that she didn’t
think to say, “Never heard of the bitch.”

Anyway, Tara now explains to Sookie that
she’s been lying non-stop to Naomi, and she’s worried that Naomi will dump her
for it. Sookie is actually really great with her in this scene, telling her that
it’s important to be honest with those you love, but also that if she loves her,
she should fight for her.

Then
Eric comes in (amnesiac Eric loves girl-talk and wants to join in) and when she
sees him, Tara completely flips out. She and
Eric nearly come to blows, and Sookie tries to calm the situation, explaining
that Eric’s changed.

Tara can’t
believe Sookie is willingly harboring him, and she recites a sort of greatest
hits list of Eric’s various acts of cruelty and violence … tortured Lafayette, tried
to kill her and Marnie, turned Sookie over to Russell Edgington, panned Toy Story 3 on his blog.

Not
only that, but Sookie lied to her face and said she had no idea where he was,
then had the chutzpah to lecture her
about honesty. Tara says she has f–ing had it
with the both of them and storms out.

Sigh.
Is there ever going to be a scene with these two that doesn’t end with a spat?
How is it they’re even friends given this seems to happen all the time?

I guess
it’s possible it all started when Sookie began hanging out with the vamps,
because it’s tough to stay friends with someone when they keep dating people
you think are asshats. But I get the feeling Tara’s always been like this, like
even in the 5th grade she’d storm out of the house telling Gran that Sookie is a “f–king skank” for not sharing her
f–ing Backstreet Boys issue of Teen People.

After she’s gone, Eric asks Sookie if what
Tara said is true … was his old self really
such an asshat? Sookie assures him that he’s changed and that she likes what
she now sees. She also says that even back then, she always saw the decency in
him (umm, I think she might be confusing decency with hotness). He says he
couldn’t bear it if he ever hurt her and takes off. She goes outside after him
and pleads for him not to leave.

He
comes back up onto the porch, and they embrace. Then they start in on some
serious tongue thrusting, with Sookie all, “Oh, Eric! Eric!,” and
Eric all, “Oh, Godric! Godric! … Er, I mean, Sookie! Sookie!”

WTF Rating: 2. If we
forget for the moment that Eric’s only had amnesia for all of two days, I like the
naturalistic way his relationship with Sookie is progressing. But then again,
if we remember that to Sookie, her bitter break-up with Bill was only three
days ago, it means Eric is totally a rebound BF, and does anybody ever really
want to be rebound guy?

 

IN YOUR DREAMS, STACKHOUSE

While Sookie and Tara are having girl-time,
Jason and Hoyt are having boy-time, out on a little bromantic
lunch date at Merlotte’s

Jason
is grateful to Hoyt and especially to Jessica
and her magic-healing blood for saving him. He talks about his ordeal and how
he thinks what happened to him in Hot Shot was God’s punishment for his horndog
ways (telling the story to Hoyt in a priceless “God” voice he puts
on). And you have to admit, there is a certain Twilight Zone “make the punishment fit the crime” logic
going on there.

Hoyt
says he’s experiencing some tough times himself, what with Jessica running all
hot and cold on him lately. Jason rightfully snarks back that that’s hardly in
the same league as being Hot Shot’s exclusive full-time sperm donor. Not only
that, but Jason’s now going to have to come up with child support for all those
panther cubs he fathered! Fortunately for him, child support in Hot Shot basically
amounts to a case of expired condensed milk and some packets of chewing
tobacco.

That night, Jason is lying in bed, when a hand
creeps up his chest. It’s Godric, and he’s all, “Oops, wrong dream
sequence. Which way is Sookie’s?”

No, it’s
not Godric, it’s Jessica … which we were all expecting because of the whole
bloodsucking/sexdream thing that goes on with this show. Jason even asks if he’s
having a dream, and Jessica nods yes, so he lies back and tries to enjoy it. I
actually thought maybe it really was
Jessica, since she seems so into cheating on Hoyt these days. I thought she was
lying to Jason about it being a dream just to get him to go along with it.

But it
becomes clear it is a dream because
someone else pops up at Jason’s bedside … It’s Godric, and he’s all,
“What? Still not the right house? Does anybody have a map? Jeez.”

Nope,
not Godric, it’s Hoyt! And he enthusiastically sets about critiquing Jason’s
performance. Which is distracting to say the least. Distracting to Jason … and
distracting to me, because all the Hoyt sex-talk with Jason gets me thinking of
actual Hoyt-Jason sex. But some dreams do come true, because all of a sudden … Poof! We see Hoyt straddling Jason,
shirtless, in this hilarious playmate pose.

Startled,
Jason wakes up and bolts up in bed, all “Oh my gravy!”

WTF: 3. We all know that post-blood-sucking
dreams are typically about the vampire you drank from. So the Jessica thing
makes sense. But then where did the Hoyt cameo come from? Could it be that a
part of himself that Jason hasn’t been willing to come to terms with just yet
is about to emerge? Here’s hoping.

Still, I
have to call foul. Why do all these same-sex coupling dreams cut off just shy
of the actual sex? The only way this will be redeemed is if next week we see
Jason looking at Hoyt through lusty new eyes. Like maybe he says to Hoyt and
Jessica, “As a thank you for saving me, I want to treat you two to lunch.
And a threesome.”

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