Fortunately, Bill is able to take a pleasant time-out
from these onerous kingly duties, joining his new lady-love Portia on a visit to her family manse
and her elegant grandmamma.
I’m delighted to see that Grandma Bellefleur is played by Katherine Helmond. That’s right, Jessica Tate herself, of Soap fame, a show we all know was a
significant milestone of particular interest to you and me. That’s right, it
was the first show to feature … a devil baby.
Anyway, if there’s a single character
in the whole True Blood universe who
I’d want to be, it would be Grandma Bellefleur. She’s just so elegant and regal
and filthy rich, getting to lord it over all her money-grabby relatives. Who
wouldn’t love to live like that?
As she and her grandchildren and Bill
sit around the parlor, she’s appalled at Andy’s
uncouth behavior, what with him talking about such unsavory topics as Red Bull
and streakers and the poor. Meanwhile, Bill is pouring on the charm so thick
you’d think he was trying to get into Grandma’s pants as well as Portia’s.
As he and Grandma bond over family
histories, she gets out the family Bible for kicks and giggles. But as she and
Bill peruse lineages, they both spot something that gets them turning pale, or
rather, even paler. Grandma suddenly excuses herself, and soon thereafter Bill
hightails it out of the house telling Portia it’s over between them.
Portia demands he tells her why,
insisting she’s a lawyer and “a terrier” who won’t ever just let
something go. (Hey, wouldn’t “The
Lawyer-Terrier” be a great sequel to “The Shaggy D.A.“?)
So Bill turns around and tells her that
he just found out he’s a grandpa! Hers, specifically. Turns out, she’s his
great, great, great, great granddaughter. D’oh! And I really liked Portia. I
sure hope this isn’t the last we see of her.
Later on, Bill shows up at Sookie’s door
looking for Eric. “No problem,” she says, “he’s right in my
basemen– um, haven’t seen him.”
Bill explains that they’ve searched
every property Eric owns and found no sign of him. The only place left is
Sookie’s house, and he plans on searching it himself. He keeps trying to force
his way in, and she keeps blocking him, telling him that Eric is not there. It
looks like he’s going to go ahead and search anyway, but then she pulls the
old, “When have I ever lied to you?” line, while lying through her
So the old wet blanket/pushover Bill of
past seasons suddenly reappears and backs off. Well played, Sookie. Well
WTF Rating: 2. So Portia is Bill’s great, great,
great, great granddaughter? Big deal. By Hot Shot standards that seems quaint.
(DEVIL) BABY’S FIRST
little demonic baby Mikey around
the house, pointing out how his dear beloved mama and his older siblings are
fast asleep on the couch. Adorably, we discover that even devil babies are
hopelessly addicted to their binkies.
Then Terry puts Mikey down on a playmat
— next to his beloved new devil doll, natch — and leaves the room. I was
hoping this would be when Mikey would fly across the room, shove the binky down
Arlene’s throat, and growl, “Suck on that, bitch.” But he’s actually
up to something much tamer …
We see a red marker writing on the
wall. Terry comes back in and sees Mikey with a red marker in his hand, and
scrawled in red lettering on the wall “Not your baby.” Arlene opens her eyes,
and when Terry points to the wall, she screams. Chill out, Arlene. His penmanship’s not that bad.
WTF Rating: 3. Okay, it’s no “Redrum,” but
as a first gesture of devil-baby possession, it’s not bad either. Plus, if
Mikey is already reading and writing at such an advanced level, he can pretty
much have his pick of pre-schools. And then there’ll be no stopping him.
SAM AND LUNA ON A (PLAY)DATE
Sam shows up at Luna’s house,
all, “Hey, you showed up at my office to seduce me. I’m just returning the
favor.” But she’s clearly not so keen on a visit right now, telling him he
should really call first and not letting him see inside the house.
Obviously she’s hiding something, and
at this point I figure it’s either A) she’s a total slob, like we’re talking
possums eating out of pizza boxes on the kitchen counter levels of slobbiness.
Or B) she’s ashamed of her addiction to The
Real Housewives of New Jersey (Oh
wait. That’s me.)
But it turns out the correct answer is
C) she’s got a daughter, who comes barging out and asks if Sam can play
Luna needn’t have worried, though,
cause it turns out Sam is totes OK with it. In fact, he puts on that weird
super-friendly, sort of sarcastic voice some adults use when they talk to kids
– something he obviously honed dealing with all the drunks at Merlotte’s.
But if Luna having a daughter doesn’t
scare him off, then maybe this will … Luna tells him that her daughter’s
babydaddy is a werewolf. Who still keeps a close eye on them. And might
possibly be prone to fits of enraged jealousy.
WTF Rating: 1. This show has done crazy, jealous,
abusive boyfriends before and I’m not so keen on going down that path again.
Given Luna was set up as such an intriguing new character, I’m really hoping
there’s more going on with her than this.
THE FAMILY REUNION NONE OF
US WAS ASKING FOR
Tommy, after his spat with big bro Sam last week,
now goes crying back to mama.Shifter
Mama Mickens, that is, not new
surrogate Mama Maxine.
Mama Mickens is now living in a trailer
parked just outside of Whitetrashland. She had called Tommy at Maxine’s to
share some good news with him, and now he’s here to congratulate her in person.
The good news is that she finally left
her bastard of a husband Jolie.
Tommy’s all, “You really did it? You really left him?” and she’s all,
“I really did,” in this totally shifty, suspicious way that had me
figuring she “left” him chopped up in pieces at the closest dog run.
She and Tommy sit by the fire
and he brags about how he’s gotten all smart and classy on account of being
able to read. In fact, he even learned a trick! If you don’t know a certain
word, you can just make one up, then keep on using it as if it’s a real thing
while humbly comparing yourself to Shakespeare.
No one will ever dare refudiate you!
Mama Mickens is suitably impressed. In
fact, she couldn’t be prouder of having such a successful, educated son, like
now he’ll do other stuff that successful, educated people do that she’s only
heard of but never seen … things like “rent movies” and “bathe.”
She tells him the sad story about how
Jolie kept trying to put her in the dog fights. But she just wasn’t her old
fighting self and got mauled by a Rottweiler.
Enraged, Tommy curses his bastard of a
father – who, naturally, pops up behind him. It’s Jolie, and he’s baaaack! He
puts a choke collar on Tommy and brags about how Tommy is going to learn
respect and discipline now, and can kiss his fancy book-reading freedom
goodbye. It’s back to the ring with him.
WTF Rating: 2. Look, I’m no fan of Tommy’s. But even
I had to feel bad for the little twerp, given his own mother set him up this