JESSICA AND HOYT AT A CROSSROADS
Jessica and Hoyt, after their effort to rekindle
the romance on a Fangtasia date night, exit the bar to be faced with a group of
protesters. It looks like the post-Edgington world has brought out the crazies
in full force, as represented here by members of the Light of Day church (the vampire-phobic
one Jason joined back in season 2). They’re chanting that their leader (now
missing) “Steve Newell was
right! You’re devils of the night!”
and Hoyt, unable to ignore the protesters’ taunts, get all up in their faces,
and one of them clocks Hoyt good in the head. Pam, as always showing good
sense, gets them to leave the scene, and leave these “f–king idiots to
enjoy their constitutional rights.”
The next night, Jessica awakens to find
nursing a good shiner. She offers to help him heal it with her magical vampire
blood Neosporin, but he turns up his nose and says he doesn’t want to mess with
“that s–t.” Jessica takes offense at this (although I’m guessing she
was just looking for any excuse to ditch Hoyt and go back to Fangtasia) and
barges out, claiming she’s going out to get him Advil.
thus she finds herself, in one of the most anvils-falling, ham-handed scenes
we’ve seen on this show, at a literal
crossroads. Left: Bon Temps, or Right: Shreveport?
AKA Left: Advil, or Right: Fangtasia? AKA Left: Fidelity, or Right: Tramp? She turns
the car and chooses …. Tramp!
Marching into Fangtasia, Jessica goes right
up to the cutie fangbanger from last week, as the camera work gets all artsy as
if the Earth is literally moving.
In the loo, she’s chowing away at his neck, when
none other than Sookie (at Fangtasia waiting to confront Eric) overhears her
from the next stall.
calls Jessica out and asks what she’s doing. Jessica gets all defensive, saying
Sookie is no one to give boyfriend advice, given how she treated Bill, who was
heartbroken all year. Then she returns to the stall, while Sookie leaves the
bathroom, to the ecstasy-agony sounds of Jessica making out/sucking dry her
tryst … “Ahhh. … OW! … Ahhh … OW!”
WTF: 1. No surprises here,
given what was set up last week, that Jessica and Hoyt are having problems. The
most WTF aspect of these Fangtasia scenes is Pam’s bizarre sparkly red dress.
Normally I love Pam’s fashion sense, but this time she looks like a Project Runway sci-fi challenge gone
WANNA KNOW WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER MESS WITH
YOUR LOCAL COVEN? … FORGET IT.
home after their dead pet soiree over at Marnie’s, Lafayette and Jesus
share a tender kissy moment in bed, as Lafayette
acknowledges how close he’s allowed Jesus to get to him. Awwww. I love this.
But Lafayette is worried
about messing around with Marnie’s hoo-doo. Jesus argues there’s no such thing
as white or black magic – the magic just is what it is and it’s the user who
makes it good or bad. I like this argument, like it’s not alcohol in and of
itself that’s bad, it’s whether or not people can drink responsibly. Then I
remember the existence of tequila which is pure Evil.
The next night, Lafayette and Jesus meet up with
back-in-town Tara. I love how close Lafayette
and Tara are, plus their reunion here means we hear the words
“hooker” and “bitch” about 4,000 times, but at least
Also, Lafayette, as we all did last week, notices how fantastic Tara looks and attributes it to her hot new GF. Then Lafayette
and Jesus are like, “Hey, you’re bi, we’re gay, let’s all be
Wiccans!” and they invite her to the coven meeting.
At Marnie’s shop, the coven has reconvened and is
wondering what they should try to reanimate next. Marnie suggests a person, and
there’s a bit of a hub bub over this. Lafayette
wonders, “Where the eff are we gonna get a dead body?” and right on
cue, in walks Eric.
Earlier. Eric had been summoned to King
Bill’s chambers … where Bill had promptly ordered Eric to deal
with the new coven in town (which he’d learned about from his spy Katrina).
pooh-poohed the threat, until Bill mentioned that the witches are
“necromancers” who have already demonstrated their power to bring back
the dead. And they’ve got to be stopped right away before they bring back
anything else from the dead, like the film careers of Pauly Shore,
Rob Schneider, and Meg Ryan. (Shudder.) Oh, also? If they
can control the dead, they can control vamps.
So now Eric is at Marnie’s carrying out
orders, telling them they’ll no longer be allowed to meet. There’s
something terribly bully-ish about him in this scene, and you can’t help but
feel for the witches. Lafayette
is clearly terrified of him, remembering his days being tortured at Eric’s
command. But Marnie, despite her meek demeanor, shows moxie, totally standing
up to him and asking why they should listen to him.
responds by attacking her and biting her neck. All hell breaks loose at this
point. Since we’ve got kick-ass Tara back this
season, she does something kick-ass and grabs a stake to go after Eric.
witches have joined hands and started chanting, and when Lafayette
sees Eric going for Tara, he joins them. There’s
another surge of power, as the room darkens and things get all windy. Eric is
stunned, and Marnie, now free of him, glares at him chanting in a foreign
tongue, as her features flash back and forth to the face of a younger woman
with steely eyes. Freaky!
just stands there looking shocked, scared and dumbfounded. When the chanting
stops, he exits the store in a stupor. After he’s gone, Marnie blinks her eyes
and is all, “What happened?”
Meanwhile, Sookie, having given up on
waiting for Eric at Fangtasia, is driving home. She sees a
guy walking zombie-like alongside the road. It’s Eric, and somewhere in all
this he’s lost his shirt.
pulls next to him and calls his name. He turns to her and for all the world
looks like a lost, scared little boy. He clearly doesn’t recognize her, staring
at her blankly, approaching the car to ask, “Why do you smell so
WTF Rating: 4. Short
of the movie Memento, the old amnesia
storyline is one of the cheesiest, most hackneyed storytelling devices around.
And yet who among us wouldn’t want to see an amnesiac Eric (will he remember he’s even a vampire?) – and the fun Alexander Skarsgard is certain to have