“True Blood” Episode 401 Recap: Is Eating Fruit That Glows Ever a Good Idea?


Jessica & Hoyt: The Honeymoon Is Officially

season, Jessica and Hoyt were in the
“we’re so in love I don’t care if you bite me and suck my blood”
early stages of young love that we’ve all been in at some point.

A year
later, they’re basically sick of the sight of each other, which sounds about
right. They’re in the bickering, passive-aggressive phase, where one person
pretends to do something for the other one, but all mean and sarcastic-like,
all, “You want me to watch The Good
? Fine! I’ll watch The Good Wife!”
Or, “You want me to have sex with you? FINE! But I won’t enjoy it!”

So Hoyt
comes home demanding some food on the table, and Jessica reminds him that as a
vampire she can’t eat and food disgusts her. Then she gets all, “Fine!
I’ll make you eggs! Here!” and serves him some barely-cooked eggs, shells
and all. And he eats it, all, “Yum! I love it!”

Then they
both crack up and peace is restored. Because they still haven’t reached the
stage of door slams and silent treatments and “accidentally” sleeping
with someone else, which by my calculation will be in another week or so.

To make up, they go to Fangtasia. While Hoyt is at the
bar, Jessica is hit on by a human fangbanger who looks like a
younger version of Joan‘s asshat
husband on Mad Men – all while Pam, amused, looks on.

tells the fangbanger that she’s got a boyfriend, then excuses herself for
the loo. Pam comes in and mocks her for trying to live monogamously with a
human, but Jessica insists she loves Hoyt and things are fine, which strikes
Pam as hysterical.

moment of this scene is when Pam says everyone was worried about Jessica, and
Jessica says, “Really?” at the exact moment Pam says, “Not
really.” I love Pam.

WTF Rating: 1. No surprises, really, that there’s
trouble in vamp-human paradise.


Arlene & Terry & Devil-Baby Makes Three

Arlene and Terry are mostly on this show
to lend it some trashy Southern-baked comic relief, something I generally
appreciate because they’re both so good at it. And this week is no exception.

You might
remember that pregnant Arlene was freaked out that something would be wrong
with the baby since its biological father was psycho-killer Renee? Well, now the baby’s here! And
he’s adorable as can be.

Arlene freaks out when she comes home to find him sitting on a bed of severed
Barbie doll heads.

tries to calm her down, arguing it’s totally normal for little boys to mess
with their toys this way. I don’t know about that. When I was a kid, my sister
and I loved to turn the Barbie dream house into a serial killer massacre site,
and look what happened to me! I grew up and turned out to be … a blogger.

WTF Rating: 0 (if the baby is fine and Arlene is
imagining this all).

Or 5 (if the
baby is a devil-baby, fingers crossed!).


Superbad Jason


Of all the
things that have changed in Bon Temps in the year that Sookie was away, by far
the most shocking is what’s up with Jason. Not only is he now a full-fledged
police officer, but by all accounts he’s a pretty good one. This just boggles
the mind. But we see him adeptly handling a few skirmishes, including reining
in his partner, Andy Bellefleur, now
a raging V addict.

When not
on patrol, he’s also acting as surrogate mayor of Inbred Town.
You may remember that his girlfriend Crystal,
about to be carried off by her fiancé-brother Felton, made him promise to look after her dirt-po’ kin in Hot Shot.
Well, Jason’s been as good as his word, and we see him bringing the latest food
supply to the slovenly, starving Hot Shot residents that Lafayette colorfully
describes as “extras from Deliverance.”

competent a cop as Jason seems to be, he apparently hasn’t developed any tingling
spidey senses yet. Because he doesn’t find it at all suspicious when one of the
young Hot Shot hillbillies tells him they need him to check out the broken
freezer, encouraging him to lean all the way deep inside the coffin-shaped
freezer while he innocently holds a bat behind his back.

Before you
know it, the Hot Shot hillbilly has bonked Jason on the head and locked him
inside the freezer. D’oh!

WTF Rating: 4. A whole episode without Ryan Kwanten taking his shirt off? What

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